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Reasons Why "I" Will Never be a Guest on Late Night with David Letterman

Updated on November 25, 2014
David Letterman
David Letterman
Stephen Colbert, David Letterman's replacement
Stephen Colbert, David Letterman's replacement

David Letterman, star of Late Night

with David Letterman has been doing his late night work for over 33 years. His late night talk show on NBC debuted in 1982, and recently Letterman has “leaked” that at some time in 2015, he is going to retire from the show and television altogether.

Letterman says he has already chosen his “replacement,” if that is the correct word, in the person of Stephen Colbert, Comedy Central, and “The Colbert Report.” An almost-perfect fit for Letterman and a complete-departure for Colbert’s spontaneity in doing quirky accents and messing with the stage crew on his own show, “The Colbert Report.”

Jennifer Lawrence, star of Hunger Games, hams it up with Dave
Jennifer Lawrence, star of Hunger Games, hams it up with Dave

For those 33 years, David Letterman

and his loyal sidekick, Paul Shaffer and his band, have been comparable to Forrest Gump’s analogy of himself and his best friend, Jenny: “Like carrots and peas,” for David and Paul’s chemistry works on and off the screen. Just like another late-night twosome, dare I? Johnny Carson and Ed McMahon. The special chemistry of this twosome worked very well. And who knows? Stephen Colbert in time may bring in his own sidekick. I mean, Conan O’Brien did it by hiring Andy Richter, a great stand-up comic and actor in his own right, to be his “barker.”

There are reams of information, trivia, and other assorted information bits I could get into this hub, but that would make it way too long when the main idea of this story is:

"Will I be back? Only time, and ratings, will tell."

Letterman ignites a funny joke
Letterman ignites a funny joke

What About David Letterman?

  • David Michael Letterman (born April 12, 1947) is an American television host, comedian, writer, producer, and actor. He hosts the late night television talk show Late Show with David Letterman, broadcast on CBS. Letterman has been a fixture on late night television since the 1982 debut of Late Night with David Letterman on NBC. In 1996, David Letterman was ranked #45 on TV Guide?'?s 50 Greatest TV Stars of All Time. In 2013, Letterman surpassed friend and mentor Johnny Carson as the longest-serving late night talk show host in TV history, at 31 years. On April 3, 2014, Letterman announced he will retire in 2015 around the conclusion of his current contract which ends in August 2015. CBS announced that Stephen Colbert, comedian, writer and host of Comedy Central's The Colbert Report since 2005, will take his place.
  • Letterman is also a television and film producer. His company Worldwide Pants produces his show as well as its network followup The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson. Worldwide Pants has also produced several prime-time comedies, the most successful of which was Everybody Loves Raymond, currently in syndication.

Source: Wikipedia

Robin Williams appeared with David only a few days before taking his life

Reasons Why “I” Will Never Be a Guest on Late Night With David Letterman

  • I can assume that David Letterman and some of his crew and band drink alcohol. I do not drink. Not that I am a prude, it’s just that I find life more interesting looking through clear pupils. I would be an outcast for being sober.
  • I do not know what to say or do around the beautiful Jessica Alba, Jennifer Lawrence, and Susan Sarandon when David has them on his show as guests. All three of these beauties would cause me to sweat, squirm, and my throat get so dry that I couldn’t join in the conversation with them and David. So Jessica and her friends would whisper me as being a freak.
  • I cannot dance to the popular songs that Paul Shaffer and his Mighty Party Band plays on Late Night. I just cannot perform any complex or simple maneuver in front of a big crowd.
  • Hey, I am so not talented that I could not even be in David Letterman’s “Stupid Human Tricks.”
  • What, pray tell, is my forte in life? What film have I written or starred in? David Letterman does not waste his valuable time interviewing us common guys and banjo-playing roosters from Owensby, Nebraska. No sir.
  • I am not a sports celebrity with a chiseled body like a Greek god, so that is not going for me.
  • I am not closely-related to Paul Shaffer or any of Letterman’s staff, so there you go again, another reason why I will never be on his show.
  • When Letterman’s “real” celebrity guests come out behind me for their interview, one will surely ask David when they get to a break, “David, who is this nobody sittin’ next to me?” Then David would “shush” him and continue with the show.
  • I got it. David Letterman, being a man who embellishes off-the-wall ideas such as “Throwing Stuff Off The Building,” can bill me as “The Man Who Is Nobody Without Any Talent and No Hope of Being Famous.”

You know. A lot like I am now.


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    • kenneth avery profile image

      Kenneth Avery 3 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama


      Thank you for your nice comment.

      I was fascinated too at Williams' appearance with Letterman just days before his passing.

      A moment I shall never forget.

      Please have a Merry CHRISTmas.

    • kenneth avery profile image

      Kenneth Avery 3 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama


      In answer to your question. Prayer and lots of it. It is just looking around at life around us. That's it.

      And you are right. I've gotten sleepy lots of times watching his show and I will miss him.

      Merry CHRISTmas.

    • kenneth avery profile image

      Kenneth Avery 3 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama


      Me also. Thank you for your comment.

      And have a Merry CHRISTmas.

    • vkwok profile image

      Victor W. Kwok 3 years ago from Hawaii

      I'll miss Colbert making fun of the news on Comedy Central.

    • tirelesstraveler profile image

      Judy Specht 3 years ago from California

      How do you come up with these ideas? LOL! I would have no trouble with the celebrities, but his show is passed my bedtime.

    • misterhollywood profile image

      John Hollywood 3 years ago from Hollywood, CA

      Great hub on David Letterman! I didn't know that tidbit on Robin Williams by the way. Interesting stuff!