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Recipe: How To Make A "Youtube"
This Is Not A Tutorial About How To Start Your Own Youtube Channel
If you're looking for a tutorial on how to start your own Youtube channel, you've come to the wrong place. This is not about creating one simple channel, this is about creating an entire "Youtube."
The ingredients and recipe had to be listed somewhere online. It's required by law because some people are allergic and need to know where all the nuts dwell online.
Ba-Dum-Tish! *plays drum and cymbals because of my bad joke*
Get it? Nuts! As in crazy people! Because Youtubers are often loud and crazy.
Bad Jokes - Not A Good Ingredient For Making A "Youtube"
Introduction And Ingredients
So if you're still here, then you must want to make a "Youtube", eh? But you have no idea where to start. You're just one person and the internet has been making a "Youtube" for years. How could you ever make something just as good by yourself?
I've compiled a list of ingredients and directions of how to make your own youtube at home. Just make a few (million) videos using the ingredients below, follow the directions, and you're good to go!
Ingredient #1: One Cup Of Trolls
Every "Youtube" lives on the internet and the internet is full of trolls. While most trolls make their own content in the comments section, there are also some trolls that make videos as well. No "Youtube" is complete without trolls mocking your "Youtube" and all the people in it.
Ingredient #2: A Whole Container Of "Let's Play!"
You know the only thing better than playing a video game? Watching someone else play a video game instead....
That's not right.
Regardless, no "Youtube" is complete without a large group of "Let's Play!" videos. It's like going to your friend's house to watch them play video games, except they never give you a chance to play yourself and there's no actual human interaction involved.
It's perfect if you're an introvert like me!
Ingredient #3: A Dash Of "The Weird Part Of The Internet"
In the beginning, the weird part of the internet was the most frightening and wonderful place in the world. But now that it's existed for awhile, nothing surprises any of us anymore. Now we've moved all that stuff and made it an essential part of every "Youtube."
Ingredient #4: 3 Tablespoons Of Viral Videos
Everyone "Youtube" needs some viral videos on it. How many views does a viral video need to become viral? Nobody knows! And the number likely keeps changing.
But it begs the question...Why am I watching this video? Did it become popular because we all watched it? Or did we all watch it because it was popular?
Ingredient #5: A Handful Of "Story Times"
Some people can take their mundane lives and talk about them in such a way that we all find it interesting. As a writer, I have a deep appreciation for that particular skill. And no youtube is complete without it!
Ingredient #6: 2 Cups Of People Being Loud And Ridiculous
On one hand, you wish they would STFU, but on the other hand, staring at people in shock as they overreact to things is quite entertaining. Don't add anyone to your "Youtube" unless they know how to be dramatic. This is essential if you want your "Youtube" to turn out right.
Ingredient #7: Half A Can Of People Doing Horrifying Challenges
It hurts to watch. How could they do this to themselves? Are the things they're doing actually safe? You shouldn't support people doing things that could potentially hurt them, but that's exactly why you have to keep watching and why this is a very important ingredient in every "Youtube."
Ingredient #8: Handful Of Comedians
Every "Youtube" needs some laughter, otherwise the "Story Times" and social activists wind up dragging the whole thing down and making it too serious. We can only watch so many TED Talks before we want to bash our head into the wall because while they are interesting, it feels too much like we're back in school again. So calm down your audience by throwing some comedians into the mix.
Ingredient #9: A Teaspoon Of Gossip (And News) Channels
The catty side of every "Youtube" is the gossip channel. (There's also news channels, but you know, most of us are getting all our news on Facebook so we don't care.) Some of them talk about Hollywood celebrities and some of them are dedicated to actual Youtubers.
You see, when your "Youtube" stops being a baby and grows into an adult, it starts needing its own version of the paparazzi. That's where gossip channels come in!
Ingredient #10: A Quart Of Top 10's
"Top Ten Reasons Why No One Will Watch Your 'Youtube:'"
Number 10: Not Enough Top Ten Lists - People have a short attention span and they need lists so they don't get bored.
Ingredient #11: A Pinch Of Educational Videos And How-To's
We all like watching people make things that we will never be able to make ourselves. They make it look so easy, too! And they allow us to daydream that we're more skilled than we are and will one day actually stop being lazy and make something ourselves instead of just watching other people do it.
This makes Educational and How-To Video's an essential for every "Youtube" to add just the perfect flavor. It's the secret ingredient.
Ingredient #12: 1/2 Cup Of Pranks
Was that prank appropriate? Did it permanently scar someone? Who cares! Pranks are an important ingredient in every "Youtube" because we all love to see people emotionally traumatized or in pain.
Ingredient #13: Sprinkle All Over With Sponsors!
Sponsors pay the people on your "Youtube." You need to sprinkle that stuff all over the place to make them happy! It's like having goldfish. You need to throw them a bunch of crumbs every once in awhile or they'll die.
So gather up those fast food, clothing, sports gear, shoes, or whatever sponsors you can find before the creators get too hungry and start floating around the top of their tank on their side. No one wants to clean up that mess.
Step One: Mix all the ingredients above together in a giant bowl. Make sure to hold your phone in the landscape position while filming.
Step Two: Once all the ingredients are in the bowl, hire an editor to mix them together and make a finished product.
Step Three: Upload it all online and wait while it cooks. When it says the video is done uploading, then you are finished baking!
Step Four: Share it with everyone. You'll know your product turned out great if you find lots of reaction videos in response to it.
Don't forget to collect your ad revenue!
Happy cooking! This was how to make a "Youtube"! If you decide to try this at home, then please link me in the comments on twitter, facebook, snapchat, or instagram!