Remembering My First Time
Remember to breathe, I told myself, Remember to breathe Laura.
It was all in this exhilarating moment I was transported to a mountain top, then finishing first place in a race, and finally a lion confidently tracking a kill. Thoughts and feelings fluidly combined, revealing an uncertainty from beginning to end, from triumphant to sickening. A lion always catches their prey right? Should I rely on skill or confidence? Everything fused together like a chaotic ice cream flavor gone wrong.
This moment. I am prepared, ready, yes definitely ready.
A cold chill spiking on some parts of my body while others trickled with forming beads of moisture from heated anticipation. Suddenly I didn't know my body at all. A persuasive flush rushed my skin, almost unbearable was the pressure if I didn't just surrender, but surrender too easily and I may forget this moment. All I have to do is take it- it's mine. I can taste it on my lips, feel it in my pulse.
You want it, came the voice again.
Of course I want it, I deserve it. It represents adulthood; just one of the gifts to be bestowed upon me in my new position of freedom. Making choices and taking chances of my own. Afraid, but reaching. Yearning to prove my independence, a virgin explorer about to change my course in mere seconds.
On the roller coaster of life, this was a high point. It would define me, and yes there were more to come, to indulge me as my needs change throughout the curvy paths of womanhood. Some will satisfy my need for speed, others will serve as an escape, while some simply a comfortable friend. Many, most likely better, but none as memorable as this one.
No more thinking. All senses demanded attention.
Driven by instinct, as most are with a desperate desire to be quenched, I feel the moment pushing me forward. Like wind sweeping the sand on the ocean, I breathe in with greater purpose. Closer to the one I chose, perfect for me, I make a silent promise to simply enjoy the ride of my life.
You are hard to the touch, but my fingertips remain steady on you. It is everything on the inside that made me fall for you. Slowly I claim you, I get to know you, and feel pleased by this process. In control, I am the only one with the key to turn you on. With the key in the ignition, I take a drive for the first time in my first car. I will always remember my first time. Do you remember yours?