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Remote Viewing: Are YOU a Remote Viewer?
What is Remote Viewing?
The art and science of Remote Viewing encompasses a complex interaction of quantum energy packets shared by all matter, intertwined in a web of intertwining intertwinements. Many Remote Viewer aficionados claim to have powers such as the ability to 'see' objects across time and space.
What is Not Remote Viewing?
Conventional wisdom indicates that several activities commonly considered to be Remote Viewing are easily explained by conventional science. For example, some people have been known to assume a reclined position on an overstuffed furniture unit and control their television without coming in physical contact with it. For the most part, this is explained by the manual operation of an electronic remote control unit. Remote control units typically come with modern televisions and can also be purchased at local Dollar Stores. Some televisions can only be controlled this way.
Ambitious Remote Viewing researchers sometimes point TV remotes at dishwashers, microwave ovens, and sluggish teenagers. No positive effects have been reported.
Major airports employ a sophisticated device called radar to acquire images of incoming airplanes. Highly trained air traffic controllers monitor thousands of flights a day from within a purpose-built room with no windows and no remote controls. Experienced remote viewers suggest that no sincere remote viewing is actually taking place in these rooms. Their assertions may arise from jealousy over the really good retirement benefits earned by full-time air traffic controllers.
How Does Science Explain Remote Viewing?
Most human brains emit 4 kinds of waves: alpha waves, beta waves, delta waves, and thought waves. These waves stream out of our eye sockets and ear holes. They typically cause no harm to surrounding communication devices, but excessive ear hair or extremely busy eyebrows sometimes cause unexpected modulations. In some conditions the modulated waves can go around corners, through walls, and back in time. When the waves bounce back to the sender, remote viewing may occur. This usually takes place late at night after listening to talk radio and re-hydrating with caffeine-based energy drinks. Remote Viewers often report images of stock market fluctuations or lost car keys. In some circumstances the lost car keys belong to long-deceased family members, so this counts as seeing into the past, sort-of.
Can You Make Yourself into a Remote Viewer?
Any functioning human brain can be trained to participate in Remote Viewing:
- Use the TV remote to turn off Oprah.
- Relax your brain into a state of relaxed relaxation.
- Close your eyes and promise not to peek.
- Imagine a dewy field of fresh daisies and fluffy bunnies.
- Look for your car keys. Did you drop them in the field?
Can You Make Money Through Remote Viewing?
Remote Viewing can be a source of income:
- Use Remote Viewing to help people find lost pets and car keys.
- Use Remote Viewing to help washed-up comedians find new work disproving physic phenomena.
- Use Remote Viewing to help people learn if they are being watched or if they are actually paranoid.
- Write Internet articles about Remote Viewing.
Who are Some Famous Remote Viewers?
- Several US presidents possessed Remote Viewing skills. Ulysses Grant always knew when his wife was nearby.
- Billy Mumy, who played Will Robinson on the hit television series Lost in Space, often complained that he was being remote viewed by his fans.
- William Shatner, who played Bob Wilson in the Twilight Zone episode Nightmare at 20,000 feet, often used his remote viewing talents to check on the number and type of doughnuts remaining in his dressing room.
- The author of this article may or may not be remote viewing you at this very moment.