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DragonBall Z: Saiyan Saga vs. Frieza Saga
Ah, DragonBall Z. What a show. Since the age of eight, the tale of Earth's greatest warriors battling against outer space's strongest/weirdest warriors has captivated me, whether it was the awesome battles, hilarious intentional/unintentional humor or even the voice over announcer going, "Last time, ON DRAGONBALL Z!!!!!!". I love the whole package. And yet, there remains a question that hovers over all us DBZ fans like Sting in the rafters, and I'm not talking about how Yamcha managed to land Bulma in the sack (the answer is simple; hypnosis, the most illegal move in wrestling history). That question is; what was the greatest Saga? Low and behold, that's why we are here today. Using my vast knowledge of DBZ, I am going to break down a battle between the two sagas I feel were the best; the Saiyan Saga and the Frieza Saga. For those of you disappointed that the Garlic, Android, Cell and Buu Sagas were left off, blame yourselves, Trunks the Lame, Hercule and everything after Gohan's high school days for that. Frankly, I don't think an explanation further than that is warranted, other than to say that these two sagas kicked major ass, featured multiple people exploding, Yamcha and Krillin getting owned repeatedly and (very important here) giant gorillas. Who doesn't love giant gorillas? It always works. Alright, I'm wasting time now. What was the best Saga? Find out, TODAY!
The Saiyan Saga vs. The Frieza Saga
Battles: On one hand, you have the greatest forces on Earth and one Namekian taking on the most dysfunctional Saiyan duo since Simon and Garfunkle (that sound from the audience you hear right now is silence from that reference flying over their heads), followed by Goku vs. Vegeta. On the other hand, you have the goofiest five men henchman unit ever going up against the most dysfunctional trios team since Angelico, Ivelisse and Son of Havoc, followed by the most lopsided handicap contest in the history of time (Frieza vs. Gohan, Krillin, Vegeta, Picolo/Nail and Goku, with Dende in their corner). So much dysfunction! This might surprise you, but I actually enjoy the Saiyan Saga battles more. I know, BLASPHEMY, but here's the thing; the Frieza battles are just endless. It's like if you watched Return of the King, Titanic and Kenneth Branagh's Hamlet back to back; it might be a good idea in theory, but by hour two, you're going to look like LeBron James did last night. You know it's gone too long when Frieza says Namek only has five minutes left, and then eight episodes later King Kai is saying, "MOST OF THOSE FIVE MINUTES HAVE EXPIRED!!!". I'm sorry what? Thus, give me the Saiyan fights. They're more to the point, feature giant ass gorillas and it was so close that there really wasn't a winner. It was like Rocky, except with giant gorillas, guys shooting energy beams out of their hands and the exact opposite of Stone Cold Steve Austin (Krillin). Edge: Saiyan Saga
Villains: Saiyan Saga has an underrated duo here, once you get past all the Saibaman (there's a Yamcha joke here, isn't there?). I mean, we all love Vegeta. He's a bad ass, Seth Rollins with armor and much spikier hair. And NAPPA! I don't know if it's because over "IT'S OVER 9,000!" or if DBZ Abridged turned Nappa into a nerd icon, but that dude is just awesome. That's a great team right there those two. And yet, put them against the Ginyu Force, male Bulma (real name; Zarbon) and the most diabolical hater this side of Beautiful (Frieza), and it's not even close. The Frieza Saga walks away with this one. Or dances. Or hops. Whichever you prefer dammit! Huge Edge: Frieza Saga
Heroic Deaths: This is pretty much between Chow-Su's death via sacrificial explosion (how extremist of him) and Vegeta's tragic death via Frieza just as he was seeing the light. What, you thought Tien and Yamcha would be included here? Look, Tien may give Batman a run for his money in stoic personality, but the bastard died from exhaustion. EXHAUSTION! Get yourself in better condition man! And of course, Yamcha's death came at the hands of fourth tier villains, which pretty much means he deserves. Also, you could make the strong argument that the only thing tragic about Yamcha is that he existed.
Back to the deaths that mattered though, I think I have to lean slightly towards Vegeta here. Why? Because it was so damn moving. Here was a dude who had spent his life only knowing the touch of evil (I need an adult!), only to finally open his heart up and embrace good right before he journeyed to the great gig in the sky. Plus, the SOB cried. Yes, Vegeta actually shed tears! Who can't feel that? Goku sure as hell did. Yes, Vegeta may not have sacrificed himself like Mini Psycho Clown did and he totally turned right back to evil once he was resurrected (turns out, Vegeta couldn't kick his old ways till Trunks came along. Fatherhood; it changes a man). But I don't care; I was more moved and more heartbroken by Vegeta walking into the light then I was Chow-Su finally getting an offensive move in. Plus, IT DIDN'T EVEN WORK! Chow-Su's death was like the death of Zach Ryder's career; quick and sad at first, till you forgot about it five seconds later. Huge Edge: Frieza Saga
Best "Krillin Gets Owned" Moment: I mean, in one Saga, he's merely a stupid sidekick. In the other, he gets blown up. If that isn't getting owned like the Tampa Bay Lightning in Game 6, then we're using that word wrong. Huge Edge: Frieza Saga
Team Four Star Effect: For those who don't know, Team Four Star is the group behind the DragonBall Z Abridged series, which is pretty much them redubbing the show with their own voice actors and making the show over 9,000 times funnier than it previously was. Perhaps not a big deal in the grand scheme of things, but it's my column, and I'll do it how I want to! And, surprise surprise, the Frieza Saga takes the cake here again. Seriously, the Abridged version of the Frieza Saga is one of the funniest things you will ever watch, particularly everything involving Guro (the Namekian king) and Nail (the Namekian man servant). You haven't lived until you've heard Guru yell out "NAAAAAAAAAAAAIL!" at the top of his lungs. Ditto for his "There's an albino Namekian. KILL IT LIKE THE REST!" line towards Krillin. Totally elevates the Frieza Saga into a pantheon where only Angelico leaps, Michael Jordan, Wayne Gretzky and Mad Max: Fury Road reside. Huge Edge: Frieza Saga
Winner: Boy, this escalated into a rout really quickly. And yes, Frieza Saga wins this pretty easily. That's not to hate on the Saiyan Saga; it's a nice little romp with some good battles, Yamcha getting humiliated (always a crowd pleaser), and of course, those wonderful giant gorillas. But let's be real; the Frieza Saga is a juggernaut the likes we haven't seen since Buffy Season 2. The villains are great. The heroes, minus Gohan at his most needy, are great. The parody was great. There were Super Saiyans. Krillin exploded like Michael Bay was directing the scene. I can go on and on and on. In the end, you're just not beating the Frieza Saga. It's like trying to cut Jack Evans' awful hair; it ain't gonna happen.
That'll do it dudes and dudettes! I'll be back later today, probably with some sports stuff, maybe a little wrestling as well. I'm open to anything. Till then, I must confess something; I'M A YAMCHA GUY!