Win Your School's Presidential Election With Comedy
Get Yourself Some Friends
Friends are important, especially when it comes to a popularity contest. If you know in, say, November, your school is holding an election, then in September and October, find yourself some friends of the same grade. Remember, the 8-graders have a better chance of winning because they're the oldest students in your school. And you're in Grade Six. Uh-oh.
Start by just hanging out with your target(s). Don't say anything, and try to make eye contact with them every once in awhile. Eventually, according to my "research," after a few days your target(s) should be familiar with you. After around 3 days of doing nothing but hanging around with them, start talking to them. Slow and simple at first, but later on be less cautious about what you say, and instead focus on the comedic aspect of it.
Remember: Older friends can't hurt as well!
Be like these guys
Advertise with Comedy
When the elections finally happen, drop your name into the "President" box. That ways, the school and the faculty know that you're a candidate.
But wait! John Keeling is in the election too! Uh-oh! John's an eighth-grader, and he's really popular! But you find his weakness - he doesn't have any type of humour whatsoever.
As soon as the elections happen, start mass producing posters, and, if your parents are rich or if you're creative enough, business cards. Make sure they're in full color and drawn with precise detail. Tape them up to hallways. If you see any other candidate's posters, slap up one of your own right beside theirs. That way, if anyone wants to see John's posters, they first have to see your's.
Comedy - if you present it just right - can make you a ton of friends. Think of it as a Get-Rich-Quick Scheme - except you've got nothing to lose.
Most of the time, irony will do the trick. Say something funny in your posters, like "IT'S TIME TO BACK A LOSER," with a giant red arrow pointing at a full-color photo of your face.
If for some reason your school allows this method, use it to your advantage.
The method I'm talking about is Operation Assault. Find someone's weakness and attack it with the Power of Posters. (Stick-it notes work fine too) Be ironic. Let's say John helped with a Lemonade Fundraiser that raised around $25. So all you've got to do is draw a poster, and slap on it, "HE THINKS HELPING PEOPLE IS HOW TO ACTUALLY HELP PEOPLE."
If that's too large to fit a poster board, maybe it's time to edit together a video.
Windows Live Movie Maker
Making a Video
Making a video isn't really that hard. Just find access to a computer that has Windows Live Movie Maker, or if you're using a Mac, with iMovie. Almost every computer with Windows 7-8 has it.
Of course, if you wanted something with more quality, you can always purchase a discounted version of Adobe Premiere (it's a video editing software). Adobe PR comes discounted when you enter your school district and your Student ID Number.
I personally do not know how to use either one of them, so here are some links to help you:
An Example of a Video (from GTA 5)
Just like Sue from the video above, you'll need a motto to display on your posters and - when time calls - during your speech.
A simple motto should do the trick - Comedy can be inserted into there as well.
Example: A PERSON YOU CAN TRUST
A Typical Poster
The Speech is possibly the worst aspect of any presidential election - whether it's real, or whether it's in your school.
Just announce in a positive, loud, clear and confident voice your plans to change the school. It has to be possible, though. Announcing three field trips a month isn't one of them. If it involves the purchase or the rent of anything, you'll first have to find ways to earn that money, if it's possible.
You're never going to get the $1382/student to go on a week-long cruise in the Caribbean with a Bake Sale. Think realistically.
The People want benefits. Your goals have to appeal to The People. Announcing ice cream for yourself each day at lunch is one thing, but announcing ice cream to the entire school for lunch each day is another thing. Appeal to The People.
Right before your speech, if you have the option too, ask your Principal or whoever's in charge of the elections if you can play your video before your speech. If the answer's yes, great! Play the video, and then make your speech.
Follow all the tips above, and you should win!
"Attention all students! *Ahem*. Your President, uh, for (insert school year) is uh, Mr. (your full name) in Mrs Hickson's class. The vote's margin was, uh, 149 votes. Congratulations to Mr. John Keeling of Mr. Drew's class, uh, Ms. Julia Thatcher of Mr. Thompson's class, and to Ms. Fiona Appleby of Ms. Albany's class. Mr. (your name) is now the president of Elm Street Middle School.