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Sims version of Scream 4 opening. Warning: This video contains scenes of intense violence, gore, adult language and adult situations. Parental discretion is
DISCLAIMER: The events in this following parody are completely fictitious, and in no way resembles any incidences or individuals in real life. Any similarities to any real life people, events, situations and/or incidences is purely coincidental. This parody is made purely for comical reasons, and nothing more. Anyone who suffers from a weak heart, or a weak constitution, then they should not read this parody, as it contains depictions of adult situations and extreme violence.
Narration: Steven prepares his delectable TV dinner, after a long day at work. Knowing fully well that his readers are probably pissed at him for taking so freaking long to write all these reviews. However, he sits down in front of his PC and immediately starts typing. Typing up his latest film review of "Scream 4", until suddenly.....
(Steven's cellphone rings, and he answers reluctantly)
Mysterious caller: Do you like scary movies?
Steven: Yeah....why do you ask? Who is this?
Mysterious caller: What's your favorite horror film?
Steven: Um...the ones that don't suck. Seriously, who the hell is this?
Mysterious caller: Oh a real smart a**, huh? We'll see how much of a smart a** you are when I slice up your body down to the freaking bone!
Narration: The mysterious caller hangs up abruptly, as Steven dismisses the call and decides to go back to work on his review. That is until the phone rings again.... Steven hesitates at first again, as he sees it's coming from the exact same number as before. However, he feels compelled to answer it anyway to find out who this mysterious caller is, and what his intentions are.
Steven: (gulps hard) H..h...hello?...(shivers a bit)
Mysterious caller: I saw on your damn PC, you were about to give "Scream 4" a bad review. What the f*** is up with that s***?!?
Steven: Wait a minute, I haven't even published that hub yet, so how do you know about it?
Mysterious caller: Because I'm in the same room where you are mother f***er! (he does a devilish laugh)
Narration: Steven looks around breathing heavily, as his heart races in fear. Wondering if this could be some practical cruel joke or if this could be, a sadistic threat from a psychopath. Looking around slowly, as he searches for the would be stalker. Then without warning....a stalker, who's dressed up as Ghost Face, grabs Steven by the throat from behind and stabs him in the back. Stabbing him several times, as Steven yells out in fear....only to realize...the knife is...FAKE.
Upon learning of the knife being fake, he notices that the blood that was shed was not of his own. No, it was the fake blood that Hollywood uses in most of their films. Thus, Steven looks up as the would be stalker dressed up as Ghost Face unmasks himself....and it's none other than...Wes Craven...himself... (dun dun dun)
Steven: Wes Craven? Is that you?!?
Wes Craven: Yes, it's me. I wanted to scare the crap out of you, so you would change your mind about giving my latest film a bad review. Did it work?
Steven: Um....well you did scare the crap out of me, but that doesn't change my mind about your film, as there were...
Narration: Wes Craven pulls out a long knife that he kept underneath his cloak.
Wes Craven: Did I forget to mention that I carried this real knife to kill you just in case you backed out on me. (grins deviously)
Steven: (shivers as his voice heightens out of fear) Y....y..you'll never get away with this Wes. The police will match the fingerprints on that knife back to you if you kill me!
Wes Craven: Steven! I OWN THE POLICE! Besides, they couldn't link the murders of the other film critics I killed for giving "Scream 4" a bad review.
Narration: Steven soon realizes how the last knife was fake, so he arrogantly retorts back.
Steven: Wait a minute, I'll bet that's another fake knife again, huh?
Narration: Wes Craven stabs Steven in the stomach with the REAL knife.
Steven: AAAaagh...(spits out blood)...t...t..that s*** was real?!?
Wes Craven: Damn straight it was homeboy, as you forgot one of the fatal rules of a horror film....NEVER F*** WITH THE KILLER!
Narration: Steven pulls out a semi automatic pistol and shoots Wes Craven in the face.
Steven: (breathing heavily) Oh...yeah...well you obviously forgot about my number one rule for surviving a horror film....always come packing...B****!
Narration: The scene fades to black, as the opening credits roll, and Steven's review of "Scream 4" begins....(dun dun dun)
Do you like scary movies?
You know, there used to be a time when "Scream" was a rather unique idea. A horror film that not only tried to be scary, it also poked fun at all the classic horror movie cliches; which was a stroke of pure genius. Hell, one could say that the original "Scream" was every bit as innovative as any other classic horror franchise such as "Nightmare on Elm Street." However, like all great horror films that start off on a creative premise, sooner or later the franchise becomes so watered down to where...it starts to become a joke. Sadly, that's what happens in "Scream 4." Sure, it tries to be innovative by mocking the stereotypical cliches of a horror film remake. However, it fails tragically to recapture what made the first "Scream" such a great slasher film.
The original "Scream" was not only funny for how it mocked all the stereotypes about it's own genre, it was also quite scary too. A rare combination, as most horror fans can admit to. Unfortunately, like all great horror franchises, "Scream" was not immune to the fact that through each progressive sequel, it started to repeat itself. Focusing less on character development through each sequel; while putting more emphasis on the violence and gory scenes.
Sure, it was rather clever on how Wes Craven used a mediocre storyline for "Scream 4" to mock how most remakes generally suck, when it comes to slasher flicks. Unfortunately, that was the problem. Don't get me wrong, I'll admit it was rather funny to see how "Scream 4" poked fun at all the cliches regarding slasher remakes, but it wasn't scary. Sadly, it seemed like Wes Craven focused so much of the film mocking every single stereotype about slasher remakes, he forgot that "Scream 4" is supposed to scare people too. Seriously, I've seen "Looney Tune" episodes that were more scarier than this half a** piece of garbage.
At the beginning of the film, two blonde teenage girls discuss their' assessment of "Saw IV" which fits perfectly for a critique of this film, as "Scream 4" doesn't focus on character development. Anyways, before I go any further into my review, I'll gladly summarize the plot first, then go from there.
Sidney Prescott (Neve Campbell) is now the author of a self-help book, and returns home to Woodsboro on the last stop of her book tour. There she reconnects with Sheriff Dewey (David Arquette) and Gale (Courteney Cox), who are now married, as well as her cousin Jill (Emma Roberts) and her Aunt Kate (Mary McDonnell). Unfortunately, Sidney's appearance also brings about the return of Ghost Face, putting the whole town of Woodsboro in danger.
Sheriff Dewey is still the clueless moron, who wouldn't know how to find the killer if he left him an engraved invitation. Gale is still as feisty as ever, and Sidney is still the hot protagonist, whom we're supposed to root for...or is she? As Ghost Face is quick to points out to Sidney, during one of their more colorful conversations on the phone, she's no longer the star of this remake. Could it be her cousin, Jill (Emma Roberts), is now the star of this remake? Who's to say? All I know is that the new Ghost Face mimics the murders of the original; while vastly improving on them to make them even bigger than before. Killing his victims in live video feeds then posting them up online to gain instant publicity, and forget about the old rules of surviving a horror film. As the movie posters point out, it's a new decade with all new rules. Meaning...there are no rules.
Hell, even the two new horror film nerds for this movie point out, the rules have changed so much that the only guarantee you have of surviving a slasher flick is to be gay. Yes, they actually do say that in this film, as you have to essentially be gay to survive a horror flick now. Wow. I do apologize if I offended anyone with that remark, but I'm merely stating what was pointed out in the film.
To be quite honest, I'm a bit conflicted about this movie. On the one hand, I thought it was funny on how it brilliantly made fun of all the cliches of a horror remake. But, at the same time, I feel disappointed that it failed to be even remotely scary. If anything, I felt like I was watching a parody of "Scream" rather than another sequel to it. That's why it's hard for me to decipher an exact rating for this film. Plus, none of the acting performances really stood out to me, as the new teenage protagonists came off as annoying naive idiots; while the adults all came off as one dimensional and stale.
However, in the end, I'd have to give it a two out of four. It's not a great film by any means, but I think "Scream" fans will still be happy enough with it to give it a shot. It's definitely worth a rental if you're into the whole slasher horror film genre, but I wouldn't pay to see this in a theater. Trust me, it's not worth the admission price.