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Season of the witch--a movie revew

Updated on January 8, 2011

Oh my oh my...where do I begin with this? As a movie goer certain movies catch my attention, and this one was no different. So I went and saw it Friday January 7th, it's opening day...and I desperately want that hour and a half of my life back.

The movie starts with some epic battles in god's name, with the same CGI as used in Troy.  All these battles have a priest in full armor spouting off godly increments about how the enemy is the scurge of the earth and how they should die. Mind you---behmen (Nicholas Cage) and felson (Ron Pearlman) are battle buddies and are constantly competing on who will kill the most until one battle Behmen gains a concious because he killed a little girl. And then they have a falling out with the priest--which is horrible by the way with extremely cheesy one liners--and they go on their way.

So then they begin walking and come across a home with the plague and by this time--nicholas cages' accent or attempt at having one is getting on my ever loving nerve and my sister-in-law was falling asleep. Tell you anything yet? Then they malinger into a small town--well not too small that's ravaged with the plague and they are discovered to be deserters from when they left that one battle and again with the cheesy 80's one liners---and then a priest pulls them away to talk to the cardinal who brings up a witch that needs escorting to some place to have monks bring her judgement--and then again with the horrible lines--and when I say horrible I mean they were absolutely horrible--I was laughing.

That's as far as I can go into the movie itself--or I will ruin it for others--but it's not like they would miss anything.

Here's what went wrong--they kept pushing back the original 2010 release many times until it became one of the first movies of the new year--and may end up being the worse movie of the year. The battles are mediocre at best and the CGI wasn't all that amazing--especially with the wolves. Secondly, for a movie like what they were "trying" to make--shouldn't be rated a PG-13, especially since it's a supernatural thriller--let's go with the hardcore R rating--maybe they could have done a lot more--like more gruesome battles and more interaction with the girl.

The girl--whose the witch--but she's not really a witch--has very few lines--and acting is mediocre at best as well...we never know her name until the end of the movie---which is horrible to boot. That's later though----so roughly we end up with a PG-13 R wannabe, with horrible acting--horrible 80's one liners--and not too great CGI.

My rating: C-

I couldn't give any higher honestly. Nicholas Cage has done worse--but after this--I ponder how much worse he has done. Felson (Ron Pearlman) was hellboy all over just in human form--no big red beast, but the same temperment and shoving/hitting type attitude--it was hellboy all over. The horrible one liners--that were cheesy at best, there was no real cohesion between cage and pearlman...they seemed as if they were broke and just really needed the money

Would I tell people to watch this movie--no, why would I put people I care about through mind numbing pain. Would I watch it again---oh no...I wouldn't--I may burn the DVD just out of spite before watching this again.


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