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Secret Life -- Burning Down The School

Updated on June 6, 2012

The funniest moment didn't happen on the show

When I saw Dylan lighting up that Bunsen Burner to roast smores in the science lab I said I bet they're going to set the school on fire. Then when Ben came walking in the door home I thought I was wrong. Then Leo tells Ben he won't be going to Dylan's school and I'm thinking they turned Benji Boy down after he wasted $1200. Only for Leo to say the school burned to the ground and I'm like, "By gosh, I was right. They did burn down the school."

It's another week of talking about who is gay and who isn't and declaring our nation's birthday is a gay holiday. And I'm wishing for this episode alone this show gets cancelled. Grace no longer wants to screw Jack's brains out to prove she isn't gay. Now she's decided to accept her gayness. And I'm like, "Is this nightmare ever going to be over." Kathleen drops by with Jacob's half-eaten piece of cake to bring aid and comfort to her daughter, although it's done in a very awkward and not really supportive manner. And I'm like, "She and George truly do belong together."

Another mother and daughter having the gay talk is Amy and Ann. Ann tells Amy that she's gay and Amy takes it in a very Amy way. That's to say she's totally about herself and her own wants of having Ann and George get back together and she keeps telling Ann, "No, you're not." Ricky comes in and tells her to show her mother some respect and tells Ann it's okay for her to be who she is. That this isn't about Amy, it's about Ann.

The scene gets more perfect as Ashley comes in and comes on to Ricky and tells him if he needs someone to talk to she's there for him. Later, she claims to her boyfriend Toby that she loves him, knows Amy isn't gay and is just coming on to Ricky to annoy Amy. Me, I'm not so sure I buy what she's selling.

The show finally tries to do a somewhat responsible scene on the subject as Adrian's mom tells Adrian since she's completely sure of her own sexuality [Adrian says kissing a girl did nothing for her] it was wrong to use possibly being gay to make herself the center of attention. She also suggests Adrian could get some flack from the school's gay teen community.

Adrian gets trouble sooner than she expects and it's not at school. Omar wants to break up with her because she kissed Grace. He feels Adrian has cheated on him. Me: Dude, she said she wouldn't kiss a man, she never said she wouldn't kiss a woman and she wasn't doing it to cheat on you. Get over yourself. Adrian starts getting fed up with Omar ten minutes after I've had enough of this dude and his whole a kiss is still a kiss. No the intent of the kiss is what makes it cheating.

Enter Grace who has been goaded on by Jack to kiss Adrian again. Maybe it's because I'm a woman, but why do guy's go so crazy at the thought of two women kissing on each other? It must be a men is from Mars and women are from Venus type of thing. The thought of two men doing it does nothing for me. Two men making love to a woman at the same time. Now that I would find stimulating.

Anyway, Adrian is so pissed at Omar and has more than enough of him that when Grace shows up wanting another kiss, while a pervy Jack is like, "Yeah, yeah!" she goes down on Grace with all her gusto. Omar breaks up with Adrian and Grace realizes she isn't gay. Although that doesn't stop her from dressing what she thinks a lesbian would dress like at school. Yep, more lovely stereotypes embraced.

Fern, a real gay student, and who dressed like an average teenager not what she thinks is Lesbian Chic, confronts Adrian about using being gay as a way to be the center of attention. Adrian oozes her way out of that way by acting like she's some activist for gay rights.

Strangely enough, it's George who gives Ann the most support. She tells him she'd been having female sex dreams since she was a teen but she didn't think anything of it. That this women salesgirl asked her out and she went and when they kissed she liked it. That when she and George were together it was never like two people becoming one, but just two people being together. George in turn tells Ann he thinks it's always been Kathleen, much to her displeasure. He says something really nice to her. It doesn't matter what she is, she'll still be his Ann and he'll always love her.

Got to give kudos to George for being right on the money about this. He tells Ann at first he was just joking then he hoped it might be true so he wouldn't feel guilty about being with Kathleen. Still, George gave her more acceptance than Amy did and everyone goes on about him being a total jerk. Amy eventually comes around, accepting her dreams of George and Ann getting back together will never be. Meanwhile, Amy suggests she and Ricky just go off and elope.

Meanwhile Leo expresses his dislike of Dylan and wishes Ben was dating anyone but her. He warns Ben again she's going to get him in trouble, but Bonehead isn't listening. Dylan even gets Ben to lie to Leo so he has an excuse to go and see her. She gets him to sneak into her school with her and she takes him into the science lab where she lights up a Bunsen Burner to roast smores. Apparently, the two dingbats didn't turn it off when they were done, or they wouldn't have set the school on fire.

When Ben gets home Leo tells him about Dylan's school burning to the ground and he knows he's responsible. In a moment of great irony, Ben apparently called up Alice and ended up having sex with her after telling her what he did. This is going to be hilarious when Henry finds out, since Ben has been a first class bitch to Henry all season for having sex with Adrian. Wanna bet he'll think he should get a free pass for doing the same thing?

In conclusion, all I have to say is I hope this whole gay thing is finally over. I also think instead of running a PSA about teens having sex, they should have addressed all the horrible stereotypes about being gay these idiot characters insulted us all with. I really can't believe ABC Family cancelled Make It Or Break It and keeps this show on the air.

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