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Secret Life -- I Heard It Through The Grapevine

Updated on May 22, 2012

This is how rumors get started

You know Ricky seems like a big dumb @ss for thinking Amy is so much better than Adrienne. Does he think Miss Bad Attitude is suddenly going to magically change when he slips a ring on her finger? Most people when they get engaged, I don't know, act happy. They don't act like they've got a hemorrhoid on their backside and it hurts to sit down.

Amy is pissed because Ricky made spaghetti and spaghetti is the only dish she knows how to make. And just how sad is that? Since I believe Ricky said he made a salad, he could make another salad while Amy made cheeseburgers. To make spaghetti sauce you have to fry hamburger, So just form it into patties and slap a piece of cheese on it and lo and behold cheeseburgers.

Anyway, she finally tells Ricky that she reconnected with Ben and when he doesn't get upset about it she gets mad. This was particularly funny for me because years ago I wrote these Sex And The City episodes after the show went off and in one episode Carrie got mad when Big found out she was in bed with another man when he called up and said he loved her. Big was like it happened a long time and Ricky was like unless you slept with Ben I don't have a problem with it. If you want to read it, you can read it here: But I should warn you it has very graphic language.

Anyway, Amy gets so mad she names a wedding date, finally. Fourth of July, next year. Then she starts suggesting the woman who gave Ricky tomatoes had ulterior motives because she's interested in him, and won't believe she's a little old lady. Then Ricky dons some flag underwear to rib Amy about the wedding date she picked and then she suggests that a woman gave them to him, and Ricky says it was his mother who gave them to him. Let's be honest, here. Amy is trying to pick a fight with Ricky about anything and everything.

Anyway, everyone starts texting each other about the wedding date and pretty much everyone's reaction is the same. Who picks the Fourth of July for a wedding date? One catty remark is Amy wants the whole world celebrating on her wedding day. George goes one further suggesting to Amy he thinks she's not sure she wants to marry Ricky and this wedding date is really a deadline to talk herself into marrying Ricky.

George tries to get Nora to watch Robbie all night so he can have some nookie with Kathleen. Nora cautions him not to do it. That if he does, he can never get back with Ann. The woman is confusing. Wasn't it a couple of episodes back she told Amy that George has always been in love with Kathleen. George is still going on about Ann being gay; that he made her gay just like Nora's husband made her gay. Nora sets him straight that she was always gay, and she tells Amy that George wants Ann to be gay so he doesn't have to feel guilty about getting together with Kathleen. Nora also claims she bought Ricky the flag underwear, which Ricky texts her a thank you for.

It seemed like Jack was beginning to grow a pair, but this week he was back to begging Grace to take him back. She doesn't believe she and Jack are a forever kind of relationship, but says she'll think about it. Dude, move on, already.

When Grace comes home she finds George and Kathleen together. After George leaves Kathleen assured Grace he won't get back with Ann, because Ann is gay, but not to tell Amy. She should have said not to tell anyone, since two seconds later Grace is texting what she found out and it spreads like wildfire until Amy and Ricky are reading a text message about it.

Dylan's friends can't understand how there can be so many teen pregnancies at Ben's school with sex education and whatnot. They feel he's mixing with white trash and needs to transfer to their high school where drugs seem to be prevalent but no teen pregnancies. They also bully Ben into answering a text Henry sends him.

Henry takes this to mean Ben wants to be friends again and texts Alice. He goes to see her and sees her dressed for sex. He tells her he only wants to be friends. However, when she hugs him she discovers she caused Henry to make wood. Meanwhile Madison and Lauren are friends again and so over Amy being the center of attention. Lauren jokes Madison could stop Amy's wedding by sleeping with Ricky. Madison doesn't think it's funny and tells Lauren she needs to get laid. Lauren tells her that no she doesn't, and that Madison should have just said no, too. Madison wants to know if Lauren thinks she's a slut. Lauren says she doesn't believe in using those kind of names for women, but what if the name fits? I'm sorry, but Madison is in heat. A guy so much as speaks to her and she's laying on her back and spreading her legs open. No wonder some have called this show a walking STD.

Alice and Henry come over and learn Ben spent the evening with Dylan's friends, so they insist on equal time and Ben, Dylan, Alice and Henry all fall asleep and don't walk til the morning. Dylan's friend Mercedes pops over and says she covered for Dylan with her parents.

Leo tells Ben he told Betty about not wanting kids so she'd basically pass the message on to Camille, which she did, but he's worried since he hasn't heard from Camille. She shows up wanting an all-nighter as well as still wanting a baby. Here's hoping Leo used a condom.

It's kind of sad that the only really positive relationship is Adrienne and Omar. She's not going to let Omar pressure her into anything, but she makes a compromise. She promises not to sleep with someone for a week and then if they get past the week, she'll promise not to sleep with anyone else for a month. And if they get past that deadline, she promise not to sleep with anyone for three months and so on until she promises not to sleep with anyone for a year like Omar wants her to. In short, she's going to take it slow.

So, as things stand when Ann comes home she'll come home to discover thanks to George and his loose lips that the whole town thinks she's gay. I like George but he started this whole gay thing for selfish reasons and whatever fall-out he gets for it he more than has it coming.


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    • hbentleymom profile image

      hbentleymom 5 years ago from Alabama

      Voted Up, I am sad to say that even though I am a married mother of two & out of the age range of this show (lol) I watch it every week! But Amy is really giving me a headache this season.