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25 mostly funny quotes about life, living, and the human condition

Updated on October 22, 2009
There's a little Charlie Brown in all of us
There's a little Charlie Brown in all of us
Mark Twain
Mark Twain
Witty and wise.. George Carlin
Witty and wise.. George Carlin
Charles M Schulz
Charles M Schulz
Will Rogers
Will Rogers

How life is funny and other assorted quotes...

I'd like to share some of my favorite quotes about life, the beauty and brilliance and absurdity of it all....

In the book of life, the answers aren’t in the back….. Charlie Brown

Honesty may be the best policy, but it’s important to remember that apparently, by elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy.--- George Carlin

No one is listening until you fart. ~Author Unknown

The day after tomorrow is the third day of the rest of your life.--George Carlin

And in the end, it’s not the years in your life that count. It’s the life in your years. --- Abraham Lincoln

The trouble with the rat race is that even if you win, you’re still a rat -----Lily Tomlin

Don’t look back, somebody might be gaining on you --- Satchel Paige

You can live to be a hundred if you give up all the things that make you want to live to be a hundred…..Woody Allen

Never do anything that you wouldn't want to explain to the paramedics. ~Author Unknown

Don't let someone be a priority in your life when you are still an option in their life…unknown

No one knows what’s next, but everybody does it.....George Carlin

Live every day as if it were your last, because one of these days, you’ll be right… unknown

Tell a man there are 300 billion stars in the universe and he'll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint on it and he'll have to touch it to be sure. ~Murphy's Law

People who snore always fall asleep first. ~Author Unknown

In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: it goes on.--- Robert Frost

Never let yesterday use up too much of today.-- Will Rogers

Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, "Where have I gone wrong?" Then a voice says to me, "This is going to take more than one night."…. Charles M Schulz

I think I've discovered the secret of life -you just hang around until you get used to it .--Charles M Schulz

I think I am, therefore, I am. I think... George Carlin

I want to die like my grandfather, peacefully, in his sleep. Not screaming, like the passengers in his car.--- unknown

Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time.
Steven Wright

Don't go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first.-- Mark Twain

Things turn out best for those who make the best of the way things turn out.----Jack Buck


Fear less, hope more; Eat less, chew more; Whine less, breathe more; Talk less, say more; Love more, and all good things will be yours.---Swedish Proverb





Do not dwell in the past, do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment. --- the Buddha

La condition humaine René Magritte

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    • Mighty Mom profile image

      Susan Reid 7 years ago from Where Left is Right, CA

      You've put together a wonderful list. Some real gems there. George Carlin and Stephen Wright are two of my faves! Thanks for the reminders -- sometimes we take life too seriously and sometimes we take the wrong things too seriously! MM

    • Feline Prophet profile image

      Feline Prophet 7 years ago from India

      I opted out of the rat race and now I'm a cat! :P

      Great collection of quotes! :)

    • Bredavies profile image

      Bredavies 7 years ago

      AHAAHA! This made my night! :)

    • elisabethkcmo profile image
      Author

      elisabethkcmo 7 years ago from Just East of Oz

      Mighty Mom, Feline Prophet, and Bredavies:

      Thanks for swinging thru and reading my latest, it so rewarding to be able to share with others the things that I enjoy!!

      and FP, a great observation about getting out of the rat race, a cat would never bother with all that nonsense!

    • BkCreative profile image

      BkCreative 7 years ago from Brooklyn, New York City

      We just absolutely need these quotes - they are mini-lessons and big reminders. Thanks so much!

    • Jaspal profile image

      Jaspal 7 years ago from New Delhi, India

      Love your compilation - I'm still hanging around trying to get used to life! :)

    • elisabethkcmo profile image
      Author

      elisabethkcmo 7 years ago from Just East of Oz

      BkCreative and Jaspal..Glad you enjoyed these quotes, as long as we maintain our sense of humor, we can see everything else is gravy!

    • kephrira profile image

      kephrira 7 years ago from Birmingham

      Great quotes, I love the one about the rat race.

    • elisabethkcmo profile image
      Author

      elisabethkcmo 7 years ago from Just East of Oz

      Glad you enjoyed it kephira, we all need to take a break from seriousness for awhile...

    • Tamarii2 profile image

      Tamarii2 7 years ago from NEW YORK

      Enjoyed your work.I believe when people leave these sayings they come from their inner being and last through time.Thanks for responding to my question.>Peace 2 U.

    • elisabethkcmo profile image
      Author

      elisabethkcmo 7 years ago from Just East of Oz

      Thank you too Tamarii2 for visiting my hubs!

    • Bing3andPurg3 profile image

      Bing3andPurg3 7 years ago from Smurf Village

      Never do anything that you wouldn't want to explain to the paramedics.

      HAHAHAHA! I love it! thanks for this wonderful list! And thank you for reading and commenting on my blog!

    • Mr. Happy profile image

      Mr. Happy 7 years ago from Toronto, Canada

      I had a great laugh ... thank you for putting these quotes together. Cheers!

    • elisabethkcmo profile image
      Author

      elisabethkcmo 7 years ago from Just East of Oz

      Mr Happy, it's good to share the laugh with you!

    • k@ri profile image

      k@ri 7 years ago from Sunny Southern California

      Great quotes! I really enjoyed reading these. Thanks for these. :D

    • elisabethkcmo profile image
      Author

      elisabethkcmo 7 years ago from Just East of Oz

      glad that these little words of wisdom made you smile, k@ri!

    • wrenfrost56 profile image

      wrenfrost56 7 years ago from U.K.

      Great hub elisabethkcmo, I laughed so much! Great quote's.

    • elisabethkcmo profile image
      Author

      elisabethkcmo 7 years ago from Just East of Oz

      Hi there wrenfrost, It's good to hear that you enjoyed these!

      and thanks for checking out my hub

    • dags the drover profile image

      dags the drover 6 years ago from still lost in Western Australia

      Wow elisabeth.... great compliation. One of the great things about hubpages is that once stuff is there, its there. So I get to enjoy work today that you put up ages ago..... and its still great.

      Thanks and Cheers. Dags the Drover

    • elisabethkcmo profile image
      Author

      elisabethkcmo 6 years ago from Just East of Oz

      thanks for your comments, dags, guess I need to work on some more hubs...

    • Gill Harris profile image

      Gill Harris 5 years ago from South Africa

      So cool. Enjoyed this emmensely. Thanks.Voted up and all that.

    • profile image

      Joey King 5 years ago

      Yeah g8 minds,a g8 laugh

    • profile image

      sailu 5 years ago

      these are very beautiful quotes

    • profile image

      sonu g 5 years ago

      its criously awesome.............. nd tru ofcourse

    • profile image

      Carma 5 years ago

      I like the Mark Twain quote

    • profile image

      ekta 5 years ago

      nice thought...abt life....i liked so much@@

    • profile image

      albi 5 years ago

      cool..........still wondering about life???????????

    • profile image

      Kari(not k@ri) 5 years ago

      well done! I enjoyed it too!

    • profile image

      03kx100! 5 years ago

      do what you love...love what you do.

    • profile image

      Michael 5 years ago

      Wow elisabeth.... great compliation. One of the great things about hubpages is that once stuff is there, its there. So I get to enjoy work today that you put up ages ago..... and its still great.

      Thanks and Cheers. Dags the Drover

    • profile image

      paul 4 years ago

      really teaches us some real lifes stuffs... it was fun as well as inspiring.. thnkz

    • profile image

      binod 4 years ago

      had a nice time.. liked it (y)

    • profile image

      Robynne 4 years ago

      As well as all the lessons we learn we realize what really matters and how much value things have right in front of us

    • profile image

      hamed atayee 4 years ago

      i loved the farting one... =D

    • lesliebyars profile image

      Buster Johnson 4 years ago from Alabama

      This is a great list!! I voted up and useful!!

    • profile image

      nahida 22 3 years ago

      this dystem is useful

      thankxxxxxxxxx

    • profile image

      Geetha 3 years ago

      nyc.......i like tz...........:) :) :).

    • profile image

      isha 3 years ago

      AmaziNg

    • profile image

      sarith kumar 23 months ago

      Awesome.....quote......

      The fart one is cool

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