Self Storage Horrors In Oregon
Mix Assisted Suicide, Drugs and Self Storage Facilities in Oregon This Is What Happens:
Forget the cemetery. Oregonians are opting for self immolation in self storage facilities, With the first three months free there is no cheaper place to self store one's self. Some homeless people have found warm heated shelter with the no cost come on deals from local self storage facilities, others have deposited murder victims but now the latest trend is self immolation and self storage suicides in the state. No one knows how many storage lockers contain one of these tombs because some are paid in advance for years and years to come and others automatically pay the bill so no one gets in to discovered what is going on in any particular in use self storage room or locker.
I was in a senior facility and the seniors were talking about how they too planned to rent a self storage unit and have themselves stored but I think they were joking. It is no laughing mater. People are renting the units locking themselves in with their favorite possessions and over dosing. "Cheaper than most cemetery plots" 92 year old Ruth told me. "They call it self storage that's what it is and if you keep paying the bill with an automatic payment system you can continue to receive social security checks well past the age of 217 if self storage places are still in business then."
The assisted suicide people have also caught on to the idea of self storage for the same reasons some have others lock them in so they can commit suicide by candle light in self storage unit privacy with a drugs, alcohol and marijuana after storage facility visiting hours so the smell does not attract attention. People are dying to get into a self storage unit excuse the pun.
"What better place to go to die now that you can watch soap operas on your cell phone and text till the end." Some people have self stored themselves with elaborate collections of things they intend to use for their afterlives. "And yes sometimes the first three months are free."