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Signs That You May Have Worn Out Your Welcome

Updated on April 11, 2009

Okay, so maybe you stayed too long, and maybe you had too much to drink, and maybe your host or hostess is trying to let you know that, hey, pal, it's time to hit the road. Before they call the cops or their large, angry, martial artist neighbor, maybe you'd better get a clue. Here's some of the subtle signals to look for that should tell you it might be time to head graciously for the exit.

It might be time for you to leave if:

  • Not only does everybody pretend not to notice when you speak, they pretend not to notice if you yell, sing, dance, fart, break a window...
  • Four large guys throw you outside
  • The hostess spills a drink in your lap, apologizes, then promptly spills six more, one at a time
  • The host shows you the pistol he is wearing under his dinner jacket and nods toward the door
  • They ask you if you would rather leave by taxi or by ambulance
  • They ask you if you would prefer to leave on your feet or in a bag
  • They give you a glass of water, watch while you take a sip, then tell you they got it out of the aquarium
  • They call, "food fight", but no one throws food at anyone except you
  • They ask you to do them a favor and take out the trash for them and, once you're outside, they lock you out
  • They pay a family member of yours to call you and tell you that they are in the hospital, can you come right away?
  • They start a game of hide-and-go-seek, but nobody ever comes to find you
  • They tell you someone attractive is waiting for you in one of the bedrooms, so you go there just as a swat team is coming in the windows after a suspected terrorist matching your description...
  • They tell you your car has been towed. When you go to retrieve it, you find out it was them.
  • They set you on fire
  • They ask to see your cell phone. When you give it to them to look at, they take it to the front door and throw it outside. All those present (except you) applaud
  • They insist that you sit in the middle of the living room floor while everyone else sits and stares silently at you
  • They call you many, many foul names and then a cab
  • They begin to make up horrible stories about awful things you did that are only half true
  • They attach your tie to the ceiling fan, turn on the fan, and then beat you like a pi√Ďata
  • The hostess says she dropped her engagement ring down the disposal. As you reach in to get it you see out of the corner of your eye that she's reaching for the wall switch...
  • No matter what you tell anyone about yourself, they yawn and say, "How boring!"
  • They suggest that you participate in a demonstration of their Doberman's ability to subdue a person
  • The door they said was the bathroom was actually a trap door leading straight to hell
  • The door they said was the bathroom was actually the garage. You notice you're locked in and someone has started the Cadillac by remote start....
  • And of course the classic - everyone else is already gone and your hosts are asleep

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    • Tom Rubenoff profile image
      Author

      Tom Rubenoff 8 years ago from United States

      OMG - what a story! Do you guys still speak? LOL

    • feeweewv profile image

      feeweewv 8 years ago from Between A Dream And Reality

      The chair peeled right off, the underwear stayed put for a lil while... had to be chemically removed... so's not to cause skin damage, you know... LOL

    • Tom Rubenoff profile image
      Author

      Tom Rubenoff 8 years ago from United States

      I think it's funny. Hopefully she did not have to have the chair surgically removed...

    • feeweewv profile image

      feeweewv 8 years ago from Between A Dream And Reality

      I once super glued my sister to a chair at her birthday party... still, no one thinks that is funny except for me...

    • Tom Rubenoff profile image
      Author

      Tom Rubenoff 8 years ago from United States

      Once my little sister and her friend persuaded me to get myself into one of those big cardboard tubes they put cleaning compound in, butt first. "We'll get you out," she promised. Oh ya. Then they just left me in there with my face pressed up against my knees. We still look back on that and laugh. Sure, it's funny now.

    • feeweewv profile image

      feeweewv 8 years ago from Between A Dream And Reality

      LOL @ hide and seek.... It's funny now but it brings back painful childhood memories... deep sigh

    • Tom Rubenoff profile image
      Author

      Tom Rubenoff 8 years ago from United States

      I know what you mean. From some of the places I lived, hell could not have been much of a drop!

    • Anna Marie Bowman profile image

      Anna Marie Bowman 8 years ago from Florida

      This reminds me of so many crazy parties with my friends!!! There was always one or two people that found out about the party, and showed up. No matter what we did, they never got the hint that they weren't wanted there. We started off trying to be nice, then went to ignoring them, hoping they would leave. Eventually, we had to either tell them to get out, or have some of our male friends escort them out the door. Occasionally, a fight would ensue, but nothing too bad. Too bad we didn't have that trap door to hell...then again, we were living close enough, it wouldn't have been too hard.

    • Tom Rubenoff profile image
      Author

      Tom Rubenoff 8 years ago from United States

      I don't doubt it, Tom. I believe I have both had the problem, and been the problem.

    • Tom Cornett profile image

      Tom Cornett 8 years ago from Ohio

      LOL...I've been involved with some of these! Thanks for the memories, Tom! :)

    • Tom Rubenoff profile image
      Author

      Tom Rubenoff 8 years ago from United States

      Sex in the back room, MayhMong? "Quick! Your mom's coming!"

      Yes, LondonGirl, good friends are usually not so obtuse.

      You'd be a good houseguest, I think, Trimar. All it really takes is a little sensitivity towards the host or hostess.

    • trimar7 profile image

      trimar7 8 years ago from New York

      Glad I am not your house guest. I'd be wondering the whole time if I should leave.

    • LondonGirl profile image

      LondonGirl 8 years ago from London

      With good mates, I just say, "I'm throwing you out now, bedtime for me!"

    • mayhmong profile image

      mayhmong 8 years ago from North Carolina

      Oh that's nothing, but how do you ask someone to leave when they are in the middle of ah...sex in the back room?!

    • Tom Rubenoff profile image
      Author

      Tom Rubenoff 8 years ago from United States

      Right Mayhmong! After a while, the tip just doesn't matter any more. Get the hell out already!

    • mayhmong profile image

      mayhmong 8 years ago from North Carolina

      I wish I could've read this when I use to waitress! That would have been so much fun tormenting those folks who stays so friggin late?!

    • Tom Rubenoff profile image
      Author

      Tom Rubenoff 8 years ago from United States

      I think I actually did that once or twice, Ivorwen!

      I guess I've started something again, Laughingmom!

    • Laughing Mom profile image

      Laughing Mom 8 years ago

      I'll print these off and keep them in my pocket.

    • Ivorwen profile image

      Ivorwen 8 years ago from Hither and Yonder

      According to a Norwegian exchange student I went to school with, the proper way to tell your guests goodbye in Norway was to change into your pj 's and wave goodbye from the front door with a toothbrush in your hand. It was impolite to leave before your host had changed.

    • Tom Rubenoff profile image
      Author

      Tom Rubenoff 8 years ago from United States

      That's excellent! Both ends of the canine spectrum - threat and love! There must be a poem there

    • Mardi profile image

      Mardi 8 years ago from Western Canada and Texas

      This is horrible but we have always had indoor dogs - big dogs. My Akita was wonderful at this, we would just sit her at their door and tell her to guard. They would open up the door and there she would be - just staring. After a few times of this they always decided to end their stay or at least move to a hotel.

      I now have a 70 pound Lab that loves to jump up on the bed. We do the opposite, just let her in the room to sleep with them - solves that problem very quickly!

    • Tom Rubenoff profile image
      Author

      Tom Rubenoff 8 years ago from United States

      You and I had similar childhoods. *sigh*

    • dark faery profile image

      dark faery 8 years ago from Under a clover leaf

      This reminds me of the times in my childhood when my friends would tell me they wanted to play hide and seek. I would always have to be the seeker and do my counting outside. Mysteriously, after I would finish my counting, I could never find anyone else outside. Later, after I had given up searching, I would find that I was locked out.

    • Hawkesdream profile image

      Hawkesdream 8 years ago from Cornwall

      that is the best way Tom, they get the message quickly that way.

    • Tom Rubenoff profile image
      Author

      Tom Rubenoff 8 years ago from United States

      Better yet, the moment you find them at your door, rally the fam, load up the minivan, lock up the house and take off!

      "Oh, we were just leaving..."

    • Hawkesdream profile image

      Hawkesdream 8 years ago from Cornwall

      You could do what we do..don't invite them in the first place and if they invite themselves let them know that you have a holiday booked two days hence. We feel we can tolerate for two days, they soon get the message..lol.. not really..but it souns good eh! haha

    • Tom Rubenoff profile image
      Author

      Tom Rubenoff 8 years ago from United States

      Put a padlock on the fridge!

    • cindyvine profile image

      Cindy Vine 8 years ago from Cape Town

      Exactly and I don't want to have to tidy up all the time to make a good impression

    • Tom Rubenoff profile image
      Author

      Tom Rubenoff 8 years ago from United States

      Ya I want my second bathroom back! LOL

    • cindyvine profile image

      Cindy Vine 8 years ago from Cape Town

      Yeah, I get excited about them coming but the next day it's time for them to go

    • Tom Rubenoff profile image
      Author

      Tom Rubenoff 8 years ago from United States

      For everything there is a season, Cindy. A time to come, a time to leave...

      Ha ha, Princessa, indeed

    • Princessa profile image

      Wendy Iturrizaga 8 years ago from France

      Great ideas for next party @_@

    • cindyvine profile image

      Cindy Vine 8 years ago from Cape Town

      I must say, I get irritated with house guests after a while, especially if they are with you for a week. They invade my privacy and get on my nerves.

    • Tom Rubenoff profile image
      Author

      Tom Rubenoff 8 years ago from United States

      Ya, that would definintely toast my taters. Good riddance indeed!

    • sheenarobins profile image

      sheenarobins 8 years ago from Cebu, Philippines

      hahaha. sounds bitchy but I have the right to. She overstayed for 3 months, everything free including laundry. Without further notice. She was looking for a job and the first pay she got was spent on a tongue pierce. I thought it was very irresponsible.

    • Tom Rubenoff profile image
      Author

      Tom Rubenoff 8 years ago from United States

      Sounds like a win-win to me!

    • sheenarobins profile image

      sheenarobins 8 years ago from Cebu, Philippines

      I sent out a text message to the housemaid saying, "Hide the carrot cake, the overstaying Rice Bowl will eat it all." Guess, who got the text? the rice Bowl and from then on we are no longer friends. Good riddance. LOL

    • Tom Rubenoff profile image
      Author

      Tom Rubenoff 8 years ago from United States

      I have had the pleasure of polite and sensitive company and an early retiring spouse lo these many years. When I was young and stupid, however, sometimes I would be a little too dense (or under the influence) to pick up on the first hint.

      Cindy and Feline, I am happy to report that none of these happened to me.

      I think we had one person who wouldn't go, Freida, but I can't remember how we finally got rid of them. I think I actually said, "Nice having you, but time for you to go." Or words to that effect.

      Mighty Mom, that's what they make the "Print" button for :0) but just post it in the bath, that should do

      Which one, AEvans?

      I set myself on fire once, Cindy, but that's another story.

      A turd? Oh well. One hopes for better reviews, but any publicity is good publicity, CC!

      The beautiful hills of Iphigenia! Me? I'm a wallflower. I had to do some networking at a party last week and I actually got lightheaded from the stress.

      Nice to have a sure fire cure, Elena! We'll have to try that one and hope our party guests are not more dense, impolite or stubborn than yours.

      Thanks, Agvulpes, for your personal story. These stories add so much. I can picture him there, with his big alarm clock with the bells on top

      I think setting a family member on fire might get one into family court, Mexicali!

    • MexicaliBill profile image

      MexicaliBill 8 years ago from Puerto Vallarta

      Can I use these on family too?

    • agvulpes profile image

      Peter 8 years ago from Australia

      Tom I'm sure most of the tricks you listed would work.

      I can remember as a kid when our visitors overstayed, my father after a not too subtle yawn would get up and wind up the alarm clock. Of course testing it to make sure it worked. (in the days of spring wound clocks, you would remember them, no?) With usually a very clever joke like " Time to wind up the cat and put the clock out!

      Our visitors usually left straight after that!

    • Elena. profile image

      Elena. 8 years ago from Madrid

      Laugh! In Spain we have a ready made phrase for hosts to let people know they ought to start thinking of getting the heck out. Host says to hostess, or viceversa: "Darling, we should maybe be heading to bed, I'm sure there people here are all very tired." Does the trick every time, guests start getting up and ready to go. :-)

    • profile image

      Iphigenia 8 years ago

      You and your lists ! Are you really such a social wuzz ? I somehow doubt it. I'm still laughing; tried to pick a favourite - but can't.

    • profile image

      C. C. Riter 8 years ago

      I must say, this is a great turd ya dropped on us T. best comments already made, good as yer gettin from me now T, I gave it a thumbs up tho I did

    • cindyvine profile image

      Cindy Vine 8 years ago from Cape Town

      I must say, I have never actually gone that far as to set someone on fire...

    • AEvans profile image

      Julianna 8 years ago from SomeWhere Out There

      Those are funny and I have to admit I have been one of those hostesses in our own home. lolololol :)

    • Mighty Mom profile image

      Susan Reid 8 years ago from Where Left is Right, CA

      Would you mind if I copied your list and posted it in my kitchen, living room, family room, guest bathroom and backyard?

    • profile image

      Feline Prophet 8 years ago

      Hehe, I'd like to know how many happened to you too, Tom! Or are you the victim of guests who never take the hint?

    • Frieda Babbley profile image

      Frieda Babbley 8 years ago from Saint Louis, MO

      Okay I thought I could pick out a favorite, but I can't. I'm pretty sure I may have done most of these to people. I'm lying. I hold in my yawns and get staring fits; this of course makes them think I'm really interested. Had fun reading this. Thanks.

    • cindyvine profile image

      Cindy Vine 8 years ago from Cape Town

      lol Tom, how many of these have happened to you?

    • Tom Rubenoff profile image
      Author

      Tom Rubenoff 8 years ago from United States

      You know, if they had told me they were going to have my RV towed, I would have left right away!

    • Ivorwen profile image

      Ivorwen 8 years ago from Hither and Yonder

      Tom, are you writing from personal experience? ;-)  

      We had a guest last summer who wore out her welcome. My husband finally threatened to have her RV towed if she wouldn't leave.  Got rid of her the next day!