Signs That You May Have Worn Out Your Welcome
Okay, so maybe you stayed too long, and maybe you had too much to drink, and maybe your host or hostess is trying to let you know that, hey, pal, it's time to hit the road. Before they call the cops or their large, angry, martial artist neighbor, maybe you'd better get a clue. Here's some of the subtle signals to look for that should tell you it might be time to head graciously for the exit.
It might be time for you to leave if:
- Not only does everybody pretend not to notice when you speak, they pretend not to notice if you yell, sing, dance, fart, break a window...
- Four large guys throw you outside
- The hostess spills a drink in your lap, apologizes, then promptly spills six more, one at a time
- The host shows you the pistol he is wearing under his dinner jacket and nods toward the door
- They ask you if you would rather leave by taxi or by ambulance
- They ask you if you would prefer to leave on your feet or in a bag
- They give you a glass of water, watch while you take a sip, then tell you they got it out of the aquarium
- They call, "food fight", but no one throws food at anyone except you
- They ask you to do them a favor and take out the trash for them and, once you're outside, they lock you out
- They pay a family member of yours to call you and tell you that they are in the hospital, can you come right away?
- They start a game of hide-and-go-seek, but nobody ever comes to find you
- They tell you someone attractive is waiting for you in one of the bedrooms, so you go there just as a swat team is coming in the windows after a suspected terrorist matching your description...
- They tell you your car has been towed. When you go to retrieve it, you find out it was them.
- They set you on fire
- They ask to see your cell phone. When you give it to them to look at, they take it to the front door and throw it outside. All those present (except you) applaud
- They insist that you sit in the middle of the living room floor while everyone else sits and stares silently at you
- They call you many, many foul names and then a cab
- They begin to make up horrible stories about awful things you did that are only half true
- They attach your tie to the ceiling fan, turn on the fan, and then beat you like a piÑata
- The hostess says she dropped her engagement ring down the disposal. As you reach in to get it you see out of the corner of your eye that she's reaching for the wall switch...
- No matter what you tell anyone about yourself, they yawn and say, "How boring!"
- They suggest that you participate in a demonstration of their Doberman's ability to subdue a person
- The door they said was the bathroom was actually a trap door leading straight to hell
- The door they said was the bathroom was actually the garage. You notice you're locked in and someone has started the Cadillac by remote start....
- And of course the classic - everyone else is already gone and your hosts are asleep