Simple Jack Movie Review
Will it m-m-make you happy?
I remember the first time my parents showed me the Scorcher movies. My dad sat me down and said, "Son, prepare to watch the greatest action movie of all time."
That night I watch in awe as Jag Laugerman (played by Tugg Speedman) built the worlds largest solid fuel rocket ever to start the rotation of the earth again, and I knew what I wanted to be for Halloween that year.
Fourteen years later, I was watching The Noteb-... Saw 28 and I saw this.
I dropped my popcorn all over my then girlfriend and had to fight back tears. Tugg Speedman? My favorite actor of all time. The master of my childhood. Was making a serious movie?
Admittedly, his films had started to flop. The last couple of Scorcher films had been iffy, and the buddy cop movie, "Chitlin' and The Dude" wasn't nearly as funny as the commercials made it seem. But I still had faith in Tugg, I still had faith in the Jag Laugerman that inspired me to save the world as a child.
So, I went on Fandango and purchased my tickets, showed up half an hour early, and prepared for Tugg Speedman as Simple Jack.
You have probably read other reviews, or heard about it online, so you already know that...
Awful. It was awful.
It was legitimately the worst movie I have ever seen in my entire life.
The plot was unoriginal. There were undertones of hate and racism. There is a scene where Speedman literally kills a bunny. He cuddles a bunny too hard and it dies.
It's like someone took the worst parts of Radio and fused it with "Of Mice and Men."
Too many actors butchered "southern accents" and as for Speedman?
As for my hero?
He went too far. He went, and I don't mean to insult when I say this, but...
Speedman went full-retard.
Less like Dustin Hoffman or Tom Hanks and more like Sean Penn in "I am Sam."
I don't know. It might be time to give up on Speedman as an actor.
He's no longer in the league of someone like Kirk Lazarus. These days, he's more like... say... a Jeff Portnoy.
If "Simple Jack" was Speedman's best attempt at an Oscar... Not only has he let down himself, but a little boy, wearing Star Wars pajamas, praying that the world keeps spinning.
© 2012 Ryan Smith