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So You Want To Dress Like A Stripper

Updated on January 23, 2015

Stripper Clothes

Stripper Clothes
Stripper Clothes

And let's be honest, who doesn't?

Deciding to dress like a stripper may be the best decision you have ever made in your entire life. Men will instantly treat you with more respect. Your bosses will start noticing you more and your family will be so proud. Get ready for a better life, it's just a few simple steps away.

WARNING: Be prepared for the extreme jealousy other, lesser, women will direct your way once you make this amazing change to your life.

Would Be Stripper Lessons

How to be a skanky ho
How to be a skanky ho

Get Educated

Remember it's not enough to just look the part, you also have to know how to act. Follow this simple guide and you will be money! Practice it in front of the mirror until you get it exactly right. To be sure you're doing it perfectly, watch as much Jerry Springer as you can.

First Stripper Lesson

Black, fishnet stockings are simply the essence of class so the very first step you should take on your quest to dress like a stripper is to wrap your legs in some fishnet stockings.

Don't worry about how your legs look right now because fishnets will make every woman's legs look like a super models.

Make Sure It's a Micro-Skirt

t's important that you get the smallest skirt possible so that you can show off your fishnets. There's nothing that men appreciate more than the fine, delicate workmanship that goes into the crafting of a good pair of stockings. Demonstrating that you have a taste for the finer things in life will also ensure that men know to treat you like a queen.

Forget the mini-skirt, that was your grandmothers thing. Now we have the new and improved MICRO-skirt.

Get Fake Nails

Because You Will Be Fighting

With all your new stunning fantasticness you have to expect some jealousy from the other girls so a good set of fake nails is essential. When some ho comes at you because she's intimidated by your brilliance and probably because her man is eyeing you, you have to be able to defend yourself so here's what you do:

1) Shriek like a banshee.
2) Claw her eyes out.
3) While she's down on the ground, screaming with pain and clutching her now empty eye sockets, do it with her man to teach her a lesson.

Decorate Your Nails

Now that you've got fake nails, don't forget to decorate them. Do everything possible to make them stand out because, remember, they look great but they are also for keeping other beoches at bay. Your nails are the equivalent of a tigers fangs in the jungle! So make sure that everyone can see them from as far away as possible.

Bling Not Your Thing?

If you don't want to bling those nails up, you can always use the classic and sophisticated glitter nail polish.

Remember, nail polish is like the plumage a bird uses to attract a mate so you want as many colors mixed together as you can possibly get. The first rule of stripper nails is simple...The Brighter The Better.

Accentuate Your Eyes

Most women complain that men hardly ever look them in the eyes while talking to them but strippers have worked out a way to fix this problem and that's by showcasing their eyes. The right set of fake eye lashes will automatically guarantee that the boys won't be able to look away!

This Is The Effect You Are Looking For

How To Get Stripper Eyes
How To Get Stripper Eyes

Body Glitter

You want your man to think of you as an angel, don't ya? Well then doesn't it make sense that you should dress like one? That's where the body glitter (often affectionately referred to by the slang term 'stripper dust') comes into play. You really can't use too much of this stuff so remember that WAY more is WAY better. Keep slapping that glitter on until no more of it will stick to your body.

Neon Glitter Eyeshadow, Naturally

Fake eyelashes are just the first step, if you really want to take it to the next level then you're going to have to apply some eye-shadow. Like the majestic peacock, more colors are better so it's best to apply the eye make up in thin strips. The idea is to make your eyes look like miniature rainbows because you are the pot of gold at the end.

Look Like A Quen

How to look like a stripper
How to look like a stripper

The Ideal Look

Be Honest now, which of you lovely ladies out there DOESN'T want to look like this angel? (se photo right)

Admit it, you are positively mesmerized by here eyes. This could be YOU if you take my excellent advice and follow the steps listed in this How To article.

Don't think you can't do it because you can. I believe in you! Embrace your inner stripper.

Lip Gloss & Lipstick

Lip gloss really enhances your mouth and you want people to listen to what you're saying right? So it only makes sense that you draw attention to your mouth then, right? Right. Lip gloss does just that. Combined with the right, bold lipstick, people will hardly be able to look at anything else! TIP: Remember to add an accent color to the outside of your lips to really draw attention!

Boots Are Essential

Get yourself some good boots. Strippers, just like that other American icon, the cowboy, need good quality boots. But not only do they need to look good but they also need to be practical so remember to make sure they are sturdy enough to stand up to the task of kicking in the teeth of any hoes that come sniffing around your sugar daddy.

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    • Peggy W profile image

      Peggy Woods 3 years ago from Houston, Texas

      I think I will pass on that offer...but thanks! Haha!

    • GetitScene profile image

      Dale Anderson 3 years ago from The High Seas

      Never too late to study, Peggy!

    • Peggy W profile image

      Peggy Woods 3 years ago from Houston, Texas

      If this was a test in school, I would definitely get a failing grade. I guess I just don't cut it as a stripper. Ha!

    • GetitScene profile image

      Dale Anderson 3 years ago from The High Seas

      Nell, after this AND the revelation about your bad-boy obsession I'm getting more and more intrigued!

    • Nell Rose profile image

      Nell Rose 3 years ago from England

      LOL! been there done that got the T shirt! Haha! I used to wear a really short mini skirt, black leather jacket, and over the knee boots, used to knock em dead! fun hub, loved it!

    • GetitScene profile image

      Dale Anderson 3 years ago from The High Seas

      I hope none! I wrote this years ago as a cautionary warning for some of my young lady employees who were dressing a little.....scantily shall we say. It's been on squidoo for a long time but they are making us move our stuff to hubpages now that they are merging.

    • kotobukijake profile image

      kotobukijake 3 years ago

      Amusing hub. I wonder how many will actually follow this advice?