Soundtrack to The Zombie Apocalypse (Hard Rock) - a zombie story
Everything is better with music! Even Zombies
Unless you have been living under a rock... scratch that, I am sure rock dwellers are aware...
Unless you are stranded on a deserted island with no form of media (and therefore in the unfortunate position to be missing out on my great hubs), you are aware that the Zombie Apocalypse soon will be upon us. Some argue that it already is!
If we are going to be overrun by zombies, fighting for our lives, we might as well do it set to music, right?
This is my take on how things might go down set to a few of my favorite hard rock songs.
Get ready to enjoy some tunes and kick some zombie butt.
Land of Confusion (cover) - Disturbed [lyrics in youtube comments]
Land of Confusion - They're Here!
You wake up one day at the crack of noon, cursing the alarm clock. You were supposed to be up hours ago. You must have set that stupid thing wrong again. You have an odd feeling that something is not quite right. You "must have dreamed a thousand dreams / Been haunted by a million screams."
Things are too quiet. Isn't the neghbor's dog usually barking at somebody? It's garbage day. Why didn't you hear the dump truck? That guy always wakes you up. You decide it's his fault you overslept.
A look out the window reveals people going about their day. But, wait a minute. Something still doesn't seem right.
There's a dog hanging from the mailman's leg and he doesn't seem to care. Why is Mr. Jones walking in the middle of the street? Is that a rip in his suit? Mrs. Jones would never let him out of the house like that.
No screaming kids. No chatting housewives. And come to think of it, no one seems to be going anywhere. They are just walking around like... Oh no! Like zombies!
It's here! The zombie apocalypse has hit your neighborhood. How did this sneak up on you?! You have been watching for it. Preparing. Your closets look like a small arsenal. All the neighbors laughed saying, "Now, did you read the news today?/ They say the danger has gone away."
Now what will they say? Not much, you suppose, considering they most likely have been eaten or transformed into walking dead.
You hear a shotgun in the distance. At least one other guy has survived the night. And is fighting back. Not thrilled at the thought of having your face eaten off, or limping around looking for faces to eat, you decide to join him in the fight.
Bad Company (cover) - Five Finger Death Punch
Zombie Invasion? But I haven't a Thing to Wear! Better Read This...
- Zombie Fighting Apparel: What's In Your Closet?
Eventually, the zombies will be upon us. You’ve got the skills, the supplies and the weapons. You’re ready to face the inevitable. Have you given any thought about your wardrobe?
Time to Suit Up!
You get a text on your phone. "Dude. Where are you? Get over here!" It's from one of your buddies. More than once, while you devoured pizza and drank entirley too much cheap beer, you and your buds carried on about how his man cave would make the perfect bunker. Looks like it is time to test that theory.
Before you venture out, you need to change out of those flannel pajama bottoms. They don't make for great combat wear. As you break out your zombie fighting gear, you put on some tunes.
A little Bad Company should do it, but not the original by the band of the same name. Something a little harder. Fiver Finger Death Punch. The growling voice of the vocalist seems to fit the mood.....I was born / A shotgun in my hands / Behind the gun / I'll make my final stand...
Suited up, armed, and with plenty of ammo, you are ready to venture out into the neighborhood. You would drive, probably the safest mode of transport, but your car is up on blocks. That's what you get for playing Xbox instead of finishing the repairs. Looks like you will have to hoof it. Good thing it's only a few blocks.
Annihilation will be unavoidable
Better Late Than Dinner
You sneak over to your friend's house without being detected. As much as you would like to shoot My.Greenway between the eyes, because shouting "Get a real job" every time he sees you is not very neighborly, you don't. You are out there on your own and don't know what you're up against. Better to keep a low profile.
You knock on his basement door and are greeted with "What's the password?"
"Come on, dude. Really?"
"Just say it!"
"Hello Kitty." The door opens and he lets you in. That password was a lot funnier when you were high and not dodging face-eating zombies.
You look around the room. The gang's all there, including your friend's younger sister. She is suited up like the rest. That know it all b**ch-on-wheels has to tag along? Invading zombies or not, who lets a girl into a man cave? Really. Though she does look kinda cute in those combat boots.
After giving you hell for being late, like it's the first day of school or something, your buddy fills you in. Apparently, some neighborhood brats found a zombie stumbling around the cemetery and thought it would be fun to bring it home and keep it in the back yard. What ever happened to innocent fun like throwing a party while your parents are away?
To make a long story short, one of the kids got bit, he bit the guy next door, the dog became lunch, and zombie dude's friends have come looking for him. That is how this lovely town has become zombie central. All while you were oversleeping.
Now you and your friends finally get to execute that plan of yours. What was it? Damn. It is a lot harder to formulate a convincing zombie killing plan in the absence of beer, weed, and munchies.
So much for all that talking yourselves up and listening to Disturbed's Indestructable. You aren't feeing like such a master of war now. But you are gonna step up anyway. Just like those in the song. No explanation will matter after (you) begin / (and) Unlock the dark destroyer that's buried within. Plus, you get to shoot zombies in the head. That is totally cool.
Let the Zombies hit the floor!
Dropping Like Flies
Your little army, G.I. Jane included, heads out into the neighborhood. First step is to round up the survivors and recruit as many soldiers as possible. Still trying to attract minimal attention, you keep the shooting to a minimum.
Regardless, there is quite a bit of shooting. Zombies are everywhere. And now they are dropping like flies.
You are surprised at your reaction to your first hit. Blowing the head off someone is strangely satisfying. And you're pretty darn good at it!
After a few missed shots, you can hit a walking dead between the eyes no problem. You are racking up quite a body count. Maybe you should have gone into the army after all. Note to self, look into career as sniper.
You and your crew make your way door to door. You find most houses empty. The occupants are either among those undead filling the streets, eaten by the undead, or barricaded in a few of the larger houses. The ones with gun owners. Go figure.
Blood on her skin / Dripping with sin
Hey Man, Nice Shot - Filter
That's One Hot UnDead Chick!
Wait a second, is that your ex girlfriend? The chick that decided you were too much of a slacker. Who is she to judge? She never had a job. Turns out she's was a gold digger.
You haven't seen her since her new musician boyfriend paid for her boob job. Wow. Nicely done. The goth look becomes her too.
Why didn't she ever look that good when you were together? Her idea of dressing up was a clean t-shirt and a matching scrunchie.
As she walks towards you, you are trying to think of what to say. You don't see her boyfriend. Why not? Once she gets one, this girl clings to men like a leech. Maybe they broke up. Is that a bite mark on her neck? She always was kinky. Heck, that's why you dated her.
Just as you are about to comment on her new rack, Bang! She drops to your feet. Her head in pieces.
"She was gonna chew your face off, man. Think with the gun in your hands, not the one in your pants!"
Yup. Your buddy just saved your lust-struck butt from a living dead girl.
"Nice move, Rambo! If we break up into groups remind me not to be in yours. I don't wanna have to save your butt from the next zombie slut that comes along!"
No surpise there. It's super brat throwing in her two cents.
"Zip it, Rainbow Brite."
Figures she would see that. So uncool.
Back off I’ll take you on, Headstrong to take on anyone...
Back to Zombie Fighting
The neighborhood has been canvassed. The women and children, and a few of the men who so bravely offered to stay to protect them, that's their story and they are sticking to it, gather in the man cave turned safety bunker.
You, the rest of the guys, and that darn brat, decide to head to the cemetery and kick some serious zombie butt. You also plan to pay a visit to the neighborhood "crazy witch". This wackjob has been preaching about the zombies coming and the end of the world since she moved up from down south.
She claims to have all the answers. Just ask her. And fork up some cash. Crabby old woman is always crying poverty. Something about Social Security running out of money. Whatever. Your little war party might be convincing enough for her to cough up those secrets free of charge.
Of course none of your slacker friends have gas in their cars and none of your ritzy neighbors are about to give up their shiny car. Off you go on foot again. This walking is really starting to get old. To make it worse, Rainbow Brat is shadowing you like a needy puppy. Were her boobs always that big?
Never did I wanna be here again / and I don't remember why I came...
Time to Get the Heck Outta Dodge
You get to the cemetery and as suspected it is crawling with the undead. But most of these guys are so old they are missing at least one limb. It is more like target practice than a fight. A few of the good old boys from the backwoods are already there, jacked up on Wild Turkey, knocking off zombies left and right. That takes care of the cemetery for now.
Next stop is the Crazy Witch. By this point your small army has gotten a bit smaller. a few tough guys thought maybe the other brave men guarding the women and children could use some help and went back to the bunker. A few more have been distracted bu the lure of whiskey and target shooting and are now hopping around the cemetery like fools.
You look at the guys left. Your buddies and a few other faces your recognize. They are going to see this through to the end. Are you with them? They had to repeat the question. You never were that great at paying attention. Well, not to what you were supposed to be anyhow. Yes. Her boobs are definitely bigger. No. You aren't with them.
You have had enough zombie killing. The first dozen or so were fun. Then it kinda got old. Saving the day kinda got old. Typical you. Never could stay with one job long. Besides, they totally got this. They don't need you.
Like Sugar and Cyanide...
And He Gets The (Living) Girl
Where to next? You certainly aren't going back to that loser neighborhood. Mr. Greenway might be Zombie food, but there will be another jerk ready to take his place talking down to you.
Nope. No suburbs for you. You are gonna go find that deserted island where they don't know about zombies. You just happen to know Mr. Jones always keeps his boat full of gas.
You turn and head off, wishing your friends luck. Just as you think you are on your own, here comes Rainbow Brat. Seriously? Why not. You can always throw her to the zombies if you run out of bullets.
"Hey Brat, nice scrunchie. Were your boobs always that big?"
"The gun in your hands, buddy! At least until we get to that island."