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Spoiler Alert: Dreadful The SAD Movie Review - Hobo With A Shotgun
Grindhouse was a project put together by Quentin Tarantino and Robert Rodriguez. They each made a movie (Death Proof, and Planet Terror, respectively), and in between the two, they had other directors make trailers for other movies, that weren’t real. One of those trailers was for Machete, starring Danny Trejo. I’m sure you know, that has since been made into an actual movie. Now, there has been another one of those trailers that has been made into a full-length film: Hobo With A Shotgun.
What Is This Movie About?
Rutger Hauer is Hobo. He is riding the rails, looking for someplace to stay, when he rolls into Hope Town. We know things are not good here, as the sign has been vandalized, to say Scum Town. What he finds there is a town run by The Drake, and his two sons, Slick and Ivan. They are not good people. They are out of control, killing people, giving out drugs to keep the city’s people in line, they even have the entire police force under their control. No one can rise above them, and free the city from The Drake’s grip. Until...
Hobo comes to town, and witnesses what The Drake, Slick and Ivan have been doing, and takes his complaint to the police. After the police beat the ever-loving $#!t out of him, he decides cleaning up the city will fall on his shoulders. He buys a shotgun, and starts to deal out “street justice” to anyone who he believes deserves it. Robbers, pimps, torturers...even a pedophile Santa Clause. Nobody is safe. After Hobo humiliates Slick, The Drake’s favorite son (a fact he tells his other son, Ivan, constantly), he sends the entire city against him. Hobo vs. City, City vs. Hobo. Who will win? We do, that’s who.
Oh God, Why?
- Slick & Ivan’s crew hold down a guy, while two other people drive bumper cars, and smash his head in between, which explodes.
- In the same arcade, they have that strongman, bell-ringing game, but they hit a guys foot instead, smashing the foot open.
- When Hobo is ambushed in the police station, Slick carves the word “SCUM” into his chest.
- There is a guy who is taping Bum Fights, who gives Hobo 20 bucks to break a bottle over his head, and eat the glass.
- When he gets $50, he goes to a pawn shop, to buy a lawnmower, which we find out later is because he wants to start his own business. He even has a tagline already. “You grow it, I’ll cut it!”
- When he goes to buy it, however, the pawn shop gets robbed. He decides that justice is worth more right now, and grabs a shotgun off the wall (also $50, oddly), and blows them away.
- Oh, this pawn shop has LOADED SHOTGUNS hanging on the wall, apparently. Not even in cases, just on hooks.
- Now that he has a means to get revenge, he starts mowing through the aforementioned scum: pimp, bum-fights director, pedophile Santa. Like any other person would, really. The entire city is behind Hobo at this point.
- In retaliation for Hobo trying to clean up the streets, and gaining support, Slick & Ivan decide they need to scare the town back into doing what they say. They go into a school bus, full of kids, with a flamethrower. I don’t need to spell it out completely, do I? After this, they go on the local news, and call open season on the homeless population in the city.
- Abby, a prostitute that Hobo helps, wants to get out of the town with him, and start the grass-cutting business together. Before they can, they are attacked, and Abby lands in the hospital. While she is there, The Plague comes to kill Hobo (see above picture). They are demons hired by The Drake to capture Hobo, and bring him to The Drake’s theater. They do capture him, and put him in a coffin, and drag him behind their bikes.
- They have an octopus monster?
- Abby gets out of the hospital, and goes to save Hobo. She goes to the pawn shop, and after a montage, she is ready. She has cut the stock of the shotgun off, and attached an axe. An axe-shotgun. She also makes a shield with the lawnmower, where the blades are the outside of the shield. And she turns it on. A LAWNMOWER-SHIELD?!?! Epic.
- When The Plague pulls him out of the coffin, he yells at them “You’re crushing my smokes!” Which is pretty cool, facing certain death like that.
- The last line of the movie: Hobo has his gun pointed at The Drake, and he is yelling at Hobo that he will never get rid of him. Hobo then says “Oh, we’re going on a car ride together......and you’re riding shotgun.” BLAM!
Wait, Did That Just Happen?
The first scene of the movie really sets up the tone for the rest. Hobo is wwalking down the street, when a guy with a manhole cover around his neck runs up, screaming for help. He’s still trying to get help, when The Drake & Co. pull up. Turns out, this guy is The Drake’s brother. They argue, and then one of the son’s takes a manhole cover out of the ground, and the other drops him down it. So, now it is only his head sticking out of the ground...
The Drake has this whole, long-winded speech, and then ties a barbed-wire noose around his neck, with the other end attached to the car......I know. Slick guns the car, and the guy’s head gets severed right at the base of the manhole cover. Blood comically sprays everywhere, and in what is probably the creepiest part of the whole movie, some emo-looking girl in a white bikini runs in, and dances in the spray. She is never seen in the movie again after that. I like to think she died, for being gross.
It’s Not All Bad.....
Actually, this should say It’s Not Bad At All..... This movie was fantastic. All of the actors were great, especially Rutger Hauer, but I didn’t expect anything less. Even Ivan, who was way over the top, was played very well, for a spoiled psychopath. It was shot well, and it looked grimy, but not in the way that Grindhouse did, which was a little bit of a disappointment. They put the imperfections, and the wear-and-tear in Grindhouse, but this looked too clean and crisp to be a Grindhouse trailer.
The gore was way over-the-top, and too much at times. The school bus scene in particular was a little much. We get that they are absolute evil, you didn’t have to show them doing the absolute worst thing ever to convey that. Other than that, I really enjoyed all of the gore, in an entertainment sort of way. I think their budget for fake blood for this movie was higher than the casting budget. And they got their money’s worth.
This goes in the same vein as the Grindhouse movies, and Machete. Instead of being Exploitation, or Mexploitation, it is Homelesspliotation. It is more over the top than Planet Terror, and Machete combined. It is just fun, start to finish. Bottom line, if you enjoyed Machete, this is a must-watch for you. If you did not like Machete, you are a terrible person.
Five shotguns duct-taped to genitals out of Five
Wow, two months in, and still going strong. This had to be my favorite movie I have reviewed yet, followed by Birdemic. I enjoyed them for totally different reasons, though.
Next week, I will review a movie that has a documentary about how bad it is. The documentary is "Best Worst Movie", and the actual movie is Troll 2. It is universally panned, but it now has a Rocky Horror style following now. The only thing is, I don't know if not seeing the first movie, will I know what is go-ohmygod I couldn't even finish typing that. Worrying about story, in a movie like this? what is wrong with me?
See you next week!
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