Star Wars: The Force Awakens--Horribly written, with enough plot holes to fly a Star Destroyer through
The First Order on Starkiller Base
I have a bad feeling about this...
I've been a fan of Star Wars before it was cool to be a "nerd." When I was in high school (the late 1980's) I would often quote lines from the original trilogy, much to the chagrin of the girls to which I would quote those lines. Nowadays, that would be considered "cool." But before I go to some high school and start quoting Star Wars to some young girls, I have to get this off my chest: THE FORCE AWAKENS WAS NOT ALL IT WAS HYPED UP TO BE!
After the stinking mess which was Episodes I-III, I was looking forward to a new, fresh start: an awakening, if you will. There's no denying George Lucas did some stupid shit: Jar-Jar, Mediclorians, casting Hayden Christensen, et al. I thought Disney would learn from these mistakes, and Episode VII would be all it was hyped up to be. I was wrong...
Here's some things that either complicate the plot or just don't make sense in Episode VII. (Don't worry, I'm not going to give anything away that hasn't already been mentioned in countless promotions and/or interviews, or that is so minor to the plot it won't give away anything or ruin your first viewing of The Force Awakens.)
1) General Leia Organa is a General for the Resistance. But wait, there is a "New Republic" which was brought into existence after the events in Ep. VI. Return of the Jedi (ROTJ). So, who or what is "the Resistance"...well, resisting,exactly? The First Order would actually be "the Resistance," because they resist the New Republic and want to destroy it! The New Republic would be the dominant government, and the First Order would be the resisting guerrilla Army. My guess is Ol' J.J. (Abrams) wanted something to sound "cool" and derivative of "the Rebel Alliance." He just didn't think about it any further.
2) Rey knows the Millennium Falcon better than Han. During their trip together, Rey tells Han how to fix THE SHIP HE HAS OWNED FOR 15+ YEARS! Yes, I realize he wasn't in possession of it the whole time (I don't want to spoil it!) but he owned the 'Falcon for about 15 years throughout Episodes III-VI. Even if you assume he "lost" the 'Falcon right after episode VI:ROTJ, that's still about 15 years he's owned AND REPAIRED the 'Falcon, and she's on it a couple hours and knows more about it.
3) Chewbacca's Wookie Bowcaster just became A LOT more powerful! In Episodes III-VI, his Bowcaster seems about as powerful as a blaster rifle. Now, it causes "knockback" of 10+ feet. Also, Han starts "borrowing" Chewy's weapon. WHY???
Errors, Omissions and Ruining Characters (SPOILERS)
IF YOU HAVE NOT SEEN EPISODE VII:THE FORCE AWAKENS AND YOU DON'T WANT ANY OF THE MOVIE "GIVEN AWAY," PLEASE READ NO FURTHER! **SPOILERS AHEAD!**
Okay, the stuff written above may seem like I'm being petty or I'm splitting hairs. I concede to you that if the items listed above were the ONLY errors in this movie, it could have still been a pretty awesome movie. But wait...
4) The Starkiller base can destroy whole systems! It's like a frickin' multitasking Death Star! But in order to "charge," it has to siphon off energy from a star until the star is completely spent of all energy and the star disappears. (Actually, when the weapon is first fired, it wasn't shown "charging up" by destroying a star...hmm, maybe Starkiller Base is like my favorite bar, "The first shot is free!") They really didn't mention it, but I am assuming this base/planet moves through space. It needs a fresh star to charge, right?
There is SO MUCH wrong with this one! The base is essentially a converted planet. On the surface of this base/planet, they show snow and trees and mountains, etc. The final melee (lightsaber) battle occurs on the surface. So, if this planet eats stars and moves through space, WHAT IS SUSTAINING LIFE ON THE SURFACE OF THIS PLANET??? Once the (original) first star is destroyed, there would be nothing sustaining life. There would also not be any weather systems on the planet to make snow. And during the final battle, Rey and Kylo fight until the sun is completely obliterated! If you don't know what's wrong with that, allow me to explain: once the base drained even ten percent (10%) of a star's power, the surface of the planet would have become too cold to support human and plant life. And they battle with their lightsabers past ten percent (10%), twenty percent (20%), and so on, even past ninety percent (90%), all the way up to one hundred percent (100%). If they thought that snow covered forest was cold before...
Now you say, "But wait! They mentioned some sort of shield! THAT is what is keeping the atmosphere in and sustaining life!" That would be a cool explanation, IF THEY WOULD HAVE JUST PUT SOMETHING LIKE THAT IN THE SCRIPT! And, if you remember, the shield was down when the Resistance went in with their X-Wings for the assault!
Lastly, why do you even need to FIRE this weapon? If you pull up next to a sun in a system you want to destroy and drain the star, you've eliminated that system! It becomes a cold, barren system immediately. Also, the planets have nothing to orbit around, no massive ball of gravity to hold them in orbit! Maybe the cautious thing to do at that point would be to destroy the planets, so you don't have a crap-load of nomad planets flinging through the galaxy!
Okay, LAST WARNING! THERE IS A SUPER-ULTRA-HYPER SPOILER AHEAD! TURN BACK NOW IF YOU DON'T WANT SPOILERS!!!!!
5) Han Solo is now a scumbag...wait, a DEAD scumbag! When watching Episodes IV-VI, you find out Han is a smuggler. He owes A LOT of credits to the Hutt crime boss, Jabba. But you later discover that Han, albeit a smuggler, has a heart of gold. The reason he owes all those credits is because he had to dump his illegal cargo before he was inspected by the Imperial equivalent to Customs. He didn't swindle or steal the credits, nor did he make any bad deals. You come to suspect Han has a code of honor, even if his profession is not entirely legal.
Well, you can forget that! Ol' J.J. and Disney make Han out to be a thief. He makes the same deal with two different parties, and these parties confront Han about it! And, during this discussion, we find out Han has "swindled" one of these "customers" before! Where did Han's sense of honor go?
During the ensuing chaos in this encounter (where these two groups confront Han and the situation escalates) how are we supposed to feel sympathetic to Han's situation? HE STOLE FROM THESE PEOPLE! HAN NO LONGER HAS THE HIGH MORAL GROUND!
And then, a little later, they kill Han off.
Maybe this is also splitting hairs, but the scene where they kill off Han...well, it just sucked! A beloved, major character like that should have sacrificed himself taking out a Death Star or something dramatic and heroic! Yes, he was on a mission to cripple the Starkiller Base's shield, and that is heroic. But his death should have been...I don't know..."greater" somehow! And that stupid, overused meme, where a character is killed by someone they love, and in their final moments, they caress their killer's face...stupid. It's not appropriate for Star Wars, overused in general, and needs to be retired!
6) Lightsabers are DANGEROUS! (Okay, this one is just a pet peeve of mine, but let me explain!) In EVERY EPISODE OF STAR WARS, EPISODES I-VI, WHEN A LIGHTSABER IS USED, A BODY PART IS SEVERED AND/OR SOMEONE IS CUT IN HALF! But not Episode VII: The Force Awakens. A bunch of non-Jedi, non-force trained characters are swinging lightsabers, not injuring themselves or others! Yes, there are scenes where lightsabers are used, AND PEOPLE ARE KILLED, but it's almost "G"-rated violence. Either lightsabers have weakened, or Disney wanted a "kid friendly" rating.
They ruined Han! *SOB*
Are there more mistakes?
Yes, there are things wrong with this movie which make it a sub-par movie in general, and a bad Star Wars movie in particular. But I think it's just my personal preference. For example, Kylo isn't a great villain. He's not even a good villain. (I'm not bashing Adam Driver. I thought he did fine as Kylo!) When Darth Vader got angry, there was a collapsed trachea and someone died! Kylo just throws a fit and destroys equipment with his lightsaber, like an infant. I think Kylo could have been written better. In my opinion, anything good in this movie was plagiarized from Episodes IV-VI.
If I missed anything, please feel free to point it out in the comments. Please remember to be civil! :-)