ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

Survive Infidelity | How Stars Heal Their Hearts

Updated on October 13, 2009

THIS is how you get over a break up

If you look to the stars to determine how you should behave in your own life (which is something I absolutely recommend, there is nothing like choosing a plasticized, heavily drugged performing monkey as your role model), then you will probably be well advised to copy celebrities in their post break up behavior. Nobody has as many break ups as your average celebrity, because the mating habits of celebrities are influenced by media trends as well as popular drugs. Everyone knows what a fickle mistress the media is, and so too must the hearts of celebrities be fickle if they are to make it through so many liaisons. Here are the secrets of the stars when it comes to recovering after a painful breakup. Read them well and use them wisely, for they are truly powerful.

Become Incredibly Self Absorbed

Being obsessed with yourself will mean that you will always be happy being alone. Break ups will hardly affect you, as you barely noticed that the other person was in the room. There are other upsides to being incredibly self absorbed, including the fact that you will probably be very hot, because of all the time you spend on yourself, and people with low self esteem will be irresistibly drawn to you. You can milk them for all they have before discarding them, empty shells of their former selves. The only downside to this is that you may be constantly trailed by the sounds of wailing and crying, but you can probably learn to block it out, or even find it soothing after a while.

Move On To Someone Much Younger Or Older

Once you break up with someone, try to date someone as least like them as possible. Someone much older than you, or much younger than you will probably work. Which way you go will depend on your age. If you're in your twenties or so, go older. If you're in your 50's or so, go younger. Attempting to reverse this pattern will result in dating infants or corpses, and neither one of those will ever work out. Both tend to smell funny, and are terrible conversationalists.

Self Destruct

There is nothing like being incredibly self destructive to get over a break up. Sure it won't help you any, and your life will be in tatters, but at least you will be able to truly feel like you've expressed your rage. If you take your clothes off enough you might be able to get work as a freelance stripper, and that's always good money.

Lose Weight

If your heart has been broken, it is probably because you're not skinny enough. After all, relationships are never about what a person is like, how loving they are, what they bring to a relationship ion terms of companionship and support, or anything like that, but are mostly about the size of the ass. Loosing a lot of weight will be good for you in many ways, you'll be able to fit in tiny spaces you never could before, you'll be able to shop in the kid's department, and your menstrual cycle might stop. Bonus!


    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    • livelonger profile image

      Jason Menayan 

      11 years ago from San Francisco

      I think becoming (or continuing to be) self-absorbed is something celebrities are exceptionally talented at doing.


    This website uses cookies

    As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

    For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at:

    Show Details
    HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
    LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
    Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
    AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
    Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
    CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the or domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
    Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
    Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
    Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
    Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
    ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)