Teeth the Movie (with spoilers, duh)
Teeth (2007) Trailer
Teeth, a summary
The film opens with a young Dawn and Brad sitting in a pool near a nuclear power plant while their parents swoon over the other in hopes of a future marriage. In the process, Brad thinks it would be wise to touch his sister-to-be; only he finds the hard way that he should never touch girls there. His finger comes back bitten, and Bill (Lenny von Dohlen) and Kim (Vivenne Benesch) are none the wiser.
Years later, Dawn (Jess Weixler) is a spokes woman for a Purity Ring club at her school. She claims no one has touched her there and plans to be pure until she meets her future husband. She is introduced to Toby (Hale Appleman) who shares the same ideology as Dawn does. She soon realizes that she is having feelings for Toby and decides to cut off their future dating because she feels too close to him. When the two love birds cannot take the tension much longer, they meet at a "make-out" place with a lake and a really cool cave. As Dawn begins to blossom into womanhood, Toby cannot take being pure much longer, and he basically begins to rape Dawn in her semi-unconsciousness. Next thing we know, we hear a crunch, see a look of horror on Toby's face, and Dawn is utterly confused. Toby pulls away to show that most of his whoo-hoo is bitten off and is lying on the cave floor. He bleeds to death, and Dawn not knowing what is going on rushes home.
She then heads to the doctor, who is the strangest OB-GYN I've ever seen but I digress. She feels that she is not normal down in her private parts. Dr. Godfrey (Josh Pais) decides to have a look. He does but begins to do something more horrific. Dawn in turn bites off four of his fingers. Dr. Godfrey, not wanting to lose his license, does not tell the doctors performing the reattachment surgery how he lost his fingers.
Dawn realizes she does in fact have a problem and starts some research of her own. She realizes that she is a mythical creature that has teeth in her privates, and a hero must come and devour her to break the curse. She runs to Ryan (Ashley Springer), who has a bet that he can bed Dawn. Ryan gives her solace and some relaxation pills and alcohol to calm her nerves. Dawn tells him of her problem, but he decides that he is the hero. They have sex without her biting off his member, and she feels good about herself. That is until she finds out that he made a bet that he could bed her and off comes his member. Ryan, too, doesn't tell the surgeons how the accident happened.
Through all the heartbreak of her mother dying, Dawn is told that her step brother Brad (John Hensley) has been in love with her ever since they met. She realizes that Brad is the reason why her mother is dead and decides to give him what he wants. In their moment of coitus, Dawn bites off Brad's "unholy" parts and feeds it to his dog.
By the end of the film, Dawn has discovered a power that could get her through life. The ending is unclear if it's happy or not, it just ends.
Some Thematic Elements
So this is a basic coming to age film, in retrospect. Here Dawn is "dawning" into a new phase of life, one that she wants to share with that special someone, and there are some difficulties with her womanly parts. Yeah, we get it. We have purity rings galore and a sex-crazed brother. With so many biblical and sexual references, this is still a better story than Twilight (sorry Stephenie Meyer).
Firstly, the whole brother/sister infatuation is creepy for me in the beginning. Guys! you could've started elsewhere with the story. I knew from the beginning that she would have to extract her revenge on her Brad some way or another. This film is rated R of course, but still, couldn't the writers have written a better story than Brad wants to do something gross with his sister?! It's just really strange that we start the film off with the two in a pool, and Brad starts to molest her and gets his finger bit. It ends with Dawn having intercourse with her brother and biting him again. The whole of this weird sexual infatuation is above and beyond strange for me.
Then there is all this sexual innuendo stuff floating around the entire film. At the lake, when the four friends first go, the shot opens with a vestibule-esque hole in a tree, and in the same shot, there are nail type things in a tree that give the viewer the image of a phallus. Yeah, we get it filmmakers, it's a sexual coming of age story! Please quit rubbing it in our faces. There is constant sexual talk, and the images prove to give us more.
I think it was supposed to be an uplifting story to women, by giving viewers a "strong female" character. It does in a weird sense of the word give the viewer that Dawn is head strong, but there is the whole rape thing that makes her defenseless, and also the fact that she uses her sex organs as a means of power does seem very degrading toward women. Her name is Dawn! Come on! If you can't get anymore original than that just go home! We get it, she's dawning into her new sexual life by biting guys' members off.
Every Rose Has Its Thorns
So this film has a lot of problems. I mean the tag line is: Every Rose Has Its Thorns. What does that even mean? I'm pretty sure Brett Michaels didn't want his song tainted by this film, but it's too late. I won't even touch the acting. It isn't even worthy to be called acting. The storyline is pathetic, and the only thing this horror film scares is men from having sex with women in fear they might have their privates bitten off. I only recommend watching this film if you are utterly bored and in need of seeing guys in pain. This might be a weird twist on feminism or something to where the vagina is powerful enough to kill men. I don't know, but this film did nothing for me. But if you do want to watch it, it is on Netflix, so enjoy if you must.