Nine of the Most Pathetic, Superficial, and Pointless Pages about Celebrities Aging
How many of us age ‘well’? For many celebrity focused sites online, aging well would mean not aging at all. Are celebrities somehow extra human and exempt to aging? Perhaps Hugh Jackman has some anti-aging superpowers from playing Wolverine, but the rest of us humans are not immune to the effects of time. These pages are a sample and not in any particular order.
1. “15 CELEBS WHO ARE NOT AGING VERY NICELY” is a page that says Kendall Jenner is aging badly because though she is 17, she looks 25. The page also states that, her sister Kylie’s hair style makes "her look 15 years older.” This page specializes in posting photos of teenage women and telling us how they look like they are in their 20s. Wow, shocking. And Bruce Jenner is featured. He is 65 and getting a sex change, so that’s no mystery that he might look different.
2. 27 Horribly AGED Celebrities
The venom heaped upon the people who have aged make this article special. The schadenfreude is embarrassing, “Brigitte Bardot was one of the most beautiful women that ever lived. Now she is crazy, old and looks like she smells of cat urine.” Cat urine, classy. Many of these pages did include men such as Ozzy Osborne, Eddie Furlong and Axel Rose. I had predicted they would display mainly women aging badly. While true, many men are also on display.
Why is it a shock that celebrities age like we all do?
Meg Ryan, really? She looks normal to me. Was she ever really that hot, according to our rigid standards? Wow, Russell Crowe got a potbelly like many 50 year olds. I’m dumbfounded!
Here’s the trick: take the ‘sexiest’, most ‘attractive’ picture of someone from when they were younger, a studio shot perhaps, then compare it to a candid shot of the aged person. Who wouldn’t look less standardly attractive? Besides, the true ugliness of Mel Gibson is not his aging but his anti Semitic rants.
3. Keith Richards certainly has a damaged face from drugs and too much booze. Same for Steven Tyler, who was not a male model to begin with. But the music, shouldn’t that matter more? Bowie looks fine to me, but foreverceleb includes him in their countdown. And Travolta looks normal for a 60 year old. Moreover, he was only cute once because he was young. Young people tend to be cute, otherwise we would get rid of their annoying bag of bones.
The same celebrities show up over and over on these lists such as Kirstie Alley, Ozzy Osborne, Val Kilmer and Carrie Fisher. Kirstie Alley doesn’t look like a nightmare; she just gained weight like many of us do. Anybody really care about Neil Young’s looks?
4. There are more Brigit Bardot photos of her getting old at slickamericans.com. She did age, however, her real ugliness has been her bigoted comments against Muslims over the years. Otherwise, she looks 80. Big deal. At least this page gives us more than one old and new photo to compare.
5. Madame Noire strikes again with “Young Celebrities who are Already Aging Badly.”
Of course there articles are used to get internet hits, not enlighten or warn us. Lohan is featured again. It’s her own damn fault for being a cute teen. I hope she gets residuals for all the pages she’s on. It seems people don't want Justin Bieber to age at all. To all the chicken hawks: sorry, he’s older.
6. More of the same at the nydailynews.com. They feature a photo of Marie Osmond, looking 55. Yes, she’s 55 years old. And wow, Brittany Spears looks like she's 30! Anybody care that Meg Ryan can’t be called “cute” any more? Tara Reid is aging poorly because she is tragically anorexic, and that issue is not addressed on this page.
7. Ranker.com says Cyrus is aging badly, or is it just what prudes would call ‘slutty’ now? Axl Rose just looks more macho. Val Kilmer and Mickey Rourke as also featured here and elsewhere, so at least they are going after guys who got older. About Rourke, ranker.com states, “He may not have taken care of himself as well as he could have and it kind of shows now that he is getting a little more up in age.” Who are we to care if he takes care of himself or not?
8. The before and after take on lifestyle.yahoo.com at least shows how people naturally age over time.
9. Of course, Pinterest has to get in on the list. Their site is the most ludicrous in that is shows the normal aging process. Helen Mirren looks great for a 63 year old even if we have “hot” photos of her from a photo shoot when she was young. No one on this superficial planet will look as hot when we get older.
One lesson is that elective, not reconstructive, plastic surgery will only age you faster as will drugs and booze. There are people making money all along the chain of aging (and our fears) running magazines and web pages. Moreover, cosmetic companies, plastic surgery purveyors, exercise machine makers and gyms all make money off of our insecurities around aging.
However, do I have to see these pages on sites like Slate, Salon and Huffington Post? Can you stop disrupting my news with links to these articles on celebrities aging?
I have to take a shower now to wash this off.