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“The Adventures Of Little Diego - Former Child Star” Chapter 7 - Part 4 of 4, ‘My Very First Romance - Or Lack There Of.
There’s been a number of gals I’ve been deeply infatuated with over the years whom I’ve worked with in various productions. Even some famous ones. Ally Sheedy, Gina Gershon, singer and Prince protégé Jill Jones, Jennifer Jason Leigh. A number of gals.
Actress Gina Gershon
Of course who knows for certain what was going thru their minds, but I'm pretty certain there was a point in time with each of these gals where I had a shot. If I only had some game! Just a little bit!
Faces On The Wall - Cast Photo
Faces On The Wall Cast Photo From Top and Across To Bottom: Karen Fineman, Jeff Goldstein, Patrick Cassidy, Laird Fenwick, David Way, Gina Gershon, Lisa Berman, Cecile Bagdadi, Linda Morris, Jane Oppenheimer, (writer/director) Tina Landau, Legendary Theater and Film Producer Hillard Elkins who produced the show, Claudia Lonow, Marc Copage.
Jill Jones And Prince
Then there was the woman I met on Craigslist. She was an aspiring singer and songwriter.
I had put an ad up on Craigslist looking for a songwriting collaboration partner. I had just gotten stood up by one of the ‘Fly Girls’ from the popular TV show “In Living Color” which wasn't a very fly thing to do. We had been talking about collaborating on writing songs together though I must admit my interest in her ran deeper than just that. Some of the Fly Girls would come in from time to time to take classes at a dance studio I was working at and I got to be friendly with one of them. Just another gal on my long list of infatuations. So me and this 'Fly Girl' set up a time to meet and she totally stood me up. She didn't call or anything. The next day I had flowers delivered to the show along with a note. I still didn't hear anything back from her. I've really got to break this habit of sending women flowers. Especially to the girls that reject me!
What's up with that? Somebody should just put a big capital P on my forehead! I've given a number of women flowers and roses when I shouldn't have. I wonder if it stems from some deep psychological need and desire to try to gain my mother's love and acceptance on some level or some kind of BS along those lines? There was this one dance production I was in where I gave every woman in the show roses. I had to skip a meal a day for the next month and a half! What a dufus!
Yeah, that's me!
Oh well. So much for fly girls.
Fly Girls from the TV show "In Living Color"
So me and the gal I met on Craigslist exchanged demo tapes and talked on the phone to arrange for a time to meet. She seemed perfectly normal when I talked to her on the phone and judging by the tape she sent me she had talent! So I get to her place, I knock on her door, and when the door opened was pleasantly surprised as she was quite easy on the eyes.
About a minute or two of small talk and the next thing I know she's reaching for my Johnson! Before I know it she’s down in front of me on her knees just going to town on my little soldier! Or big as the case may be. Next thing I hear a baby start to cry in another part of the apartment. She says, “Don’t worry, that’s just my two year old.” and excuses herself to tend to the child. She had never mentioned to me previously she had a child. So this cycle repeats itself several times. She's on her knees doing her thing, the baby gets restless where she has to tend to it, and back and forth. With each interruption it became more and more difficult for me to continue. Next she tells me she likes getting smacked around and having her hair pulled. This was some crazy s*%t! I had literally just met this woman and now she’s in front of me down on her knees asking me to pull her hair and smack her around! The next time she excuses herself I quietly slipped out the front door, jumped into my car and got the heck out of Dodge! Or in this case West Los Angeles. Lord knows I could have used what she was offering. It was quite relaxing and felt quite nice. It was my first experience with this kind of thing. It just got too bizarre though and started to feel a bit dangerous! I later found out she had a Methamphetamine addiction. She still looked good so I would imagine she hadn't been using for all that long. To this day I’m wondering if perhaps I should have called child protective services or something. It definitely ranks up as one of the strangest things that’s ever happened to me. I hope both mother and child came out of it alright. Being a meth addict is no joke!
It was quite a strange encounter.
Artist Salvador Dali
The only girlfriend I’ve ever had, aside from Andrea when we were 11 or so who I’d never even kissed, was this French gal I was seeing for a brief period of time on an extended stay to Europe. I had originally travelled overseas as part of the cast in a theater production where we performed at The Edinburgh Festival Fringe which is known as the largest art's festival in the world. The show was called "The Steven Weed Show" written by successful hollywood screenwriter, Shawn Schepps of "Encino Man" fame and directed by Fax Bahr and Adam Small creators of the popular sketch comedy television show "Mad TV".
Mad TV - No Particular Reason, I Just Thought This Was A Funny Skit One Of My Friends Posted Featuring 'Mad TV'
Come to think of it, I think Adam was in the ensemble with me and Fax directed the show. It was a great cast and we had some wonderful times together. Bryan Cranston of "Breaking Bad" fame was in the cast as well. Bryan was as awesome then as he is now! When we first started working together I had him pegged as a Robin Williams type. He would never repeat himself in performance on any given evening. Bryan turned out to be Robin Williams, and much, much more as evidenced by his great work thru the years! The show won a Dramalogue award for best ensemble cast. Great times with some great people!
"The Steven Weed Show" LA Times Clipping
Pictured above from left to right: Bryan Cranston, Deborah Thalberg, John Zarchen, Susan Saiger, Paul Friedman, Adam Small, Kathy, Benjamin Schick, Shawn Schepps and Marc Copage.
So after our run in Edinburgh I travelled to Paris and met this French gal. She was a certified nymphomaniac! Sweet!
But wouldn't it be just my luck that she was in counseling all the time I was seeing her. Her therapist prescribed abstinence as part of her treatment. No sex what-so-ever! Great! We did get into some other rather kinky adventures, but your regular, traditional, old fashioned, sexual intercourse was not one of the items on the menu. All the beautiful women in this city and she's the gal I pick out. Great! She was a well known choreographer in Paris and apparently her addiction had gotten her into some trouble. One thing I could say for this gal is that when she set her mind to doing something, she’d do it! She also just barely spoke five words of English so needless to say the relationship did not last long. It was around this time that I began to feel that I was just plain cursed as far as women and relationships were concerned.
I’ve even tried online dating with no luck or success. Pursuing these gals online can become a full time job in itself. Reading profiles. Trying to find that right match. Thinking of something clever to write to them that may never even get looked at. My guess is most of these gals are inundated with hundreds of emails from guys and many of them just like the attention. Then when I became one of those people whose profile picture doesn’t even look like them anymore I abandoned the idea completely.
I wonder how they do it? How do people get together to form a relationship and possibly build a life together? I watch couples in the park and I wonder, how did they meet? Just how did they get together? It’s such a mystery to me. I watch my neighbor walk up the stairs with his wife and two children. One child in his arms and the other by the hand. His wife by his side. This is something that in all likelihood will never be a part of my reality. At least in this lifetime. Perhaps it just wasn’t meant to be. "For better or for worse. In sickness and in health. Till death do us part." I always thought those were such amazing words! It’s an outstanding concept! I mean, I would prefer not to die all alone. With nobody. I would prefer not to go out that way.
My Dear Friends Scott And Caara On Their Wedding Day
So I’ve taken up ballroom and social partner dancing just to feel some kind of intimacy and connection with a woman. But when the song is over, that’s the end of it. It's what we both know is coming and expect. And my dance partners and I are comfortable in that. And that’s just fine with me.
Marc & Heather - Waltz Dance
To quote a line from the movie, “Marty”, portrayed by the wonderful character actor Earnest Borgnine, “I’ve chased after enough girls in my life. I’ve gotten hurt enough. I don’t want to get hurt no more.”
"Marty" Starring Oscar Winner Earnest Borgnine
Most of the women I’ve mentioned through this 4 part chapter are happily married now with children of their own. I’m sure I’m nothing more to them than a distant and fading memory, if even that. However, I remember and look back on each and every one of my unrequited loves with fond memories. Everyone except the speed freak I met on Craigslist that wanted me to smack her around that is. I can’t help but wonder how my life might be different if something more would have developed from any one of my many infatuations. How being with the right woman might have effected my life. Even my professional career. I can’t help but wonder.