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The Duped recruit.

Updated on January 1, 2010

They told me that I

would be sent abroad,

and that I most likely

would be surrounded by Afghans.

My Ma used to knit those

soft fuzzy blankets

and I never got to share

a bed full  of them

with a girl before.


They told me that 

I might just rise above

all the other privates,

and eventually

become first class,

and that sounded good

' cause I only

got four inches.


Then they told me I might

get to drive a Hummer,

now all I's got

is a volkswagon with no floor

under the drivers seat,

and a bicycle with two flats

 so I could go for that.


They wrote about

how I could be

all that I can be...

and how I might be

up to my ass In desserts

and I do love sweets,

but I never was much on spelling.


All I really got was some crazy

skinheads running around

in Smokey the Bear hats

screaming at us for 13 weeks,

I had to sleep with sixty other guys

and listen to a symphony of farts all night

that woulda put the bullfrogs to shame back home

and then I graduated even though

I never finished fourth grade.


Then they went and rushed me to

a place called Iran,

and so I did.

Now I'm back home hiding out

near papa's still

and I only come out when the

Moonshine is just right.

but they trained me real good

at shooting revenuers

so pop's glad I signed up.


But I aint gonna listen

to no more pretty

boys in dress blues

offering me falsies

that are bigger then any

I ever seen in the local strip club.


They went and made me A.W.O.L.

and I'm shitting bricks

every time the deputy

gets even close to my shack.


So if any one offers you

a broad, some blankets,

a hummer, some desserts

and making your privates first class,

don't let the door hit you

on the way back to the real world.

come shine with me in....


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Bodink, Kentucky







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    • pbwriterchick profile image

      pbwriterchick 8 years ago

      LOL! That's some funny stuff there...