The National Association for the Advancement of Gustnadoes (NAAG)
A Gustnado is a Tornado.. without most of its wind
I was happily drinking coffee and forcing down a reduced priced whole-wheat bagel when the Tornado Siren began to sound. I thanked God for an excuse not to finish my bagel, grabbed my kid and my dog and headed down to my brother’s house where they have cupcakes.
The sky was dark and ominous, the winds were blowing at 70 miles an hour, and the cupcakes were chocolate. The children went down to the basement with the animals-which is really where we like to keep them anyway, (the children and the animals) and the adults gathered around the TV to see what was happening in our front yard. We were completely unprepared for what we saw.
The meteorologist, with a worried look on his face, explained that there was a line of Gustnadoes heading straight for our county. The station then switched to the outside camera where we saw a woman running down the street with a Gustnado following her. Well, we were fairly certain that it was a Gustnado, there were leaves blowing in circles. That’s a Gustnado, right?
This prompted an in-depth discussion between my brother, my sister-in-law, and myself. These Gustnadoes, were they here legally, or did they blow over the border when no one was looking? Why were these Gustandoes being given airtime that rightfully should have gone to the tornadoes? Were there gangs of Gustnadoes or were they just small clusters of hard-working family-type Gustnadoes?
My sister-in-law felt that the red line on the screen indicated the Gustnadoes, my brother was certain it was the green. I, myself, am color-blind when it comes to Gustnadoes, so I did not make a judgment call.
Then, my brother completely shocked and horrified me by relegating the Gustnado to the group of “minor wind events”. Why are they minor? Are they not wind? Do they not rotate in a circular manner? Did they not make the woman on the camera run? How could my own brother show such prejudice? It was appalling.
My sister-in-law, however, moved in quickly to cover the gaff. “They are a wind event, like any other wind event,” she quickly said, “and, as such, they are capable of destroying anything they put their wind to.” Of course, this brought up another question. If they decided to follow in their ancestor, the tornado’s, path, and take out a trailer park, would they get the credit, or would they be lumped in with trailer-park-destroying tornadoes?
We quickly decided they needed representation to make sure nothing like this would ever happen. So we formed an association, The National Association for the Advancement of Gustnadoes (NAAG). Actually, my sister-in-law formed it, and I signed on right away. I don’t want anyone thinking I’m prejudiced against the Gustnado.
I’m thinking of talking to the local cable television station about sponsoring Gustnado TV. All Gustnado, all the time. Maybe once a year they could have a Ms.Gustnado contest. They could judge which Gustnado generated the most wind in the shortest amount of time. Tornadoes would not, of course, be allowed to enter. They’ve had all the attention for far too long now.
There is, of course, also the question of breaking through the Gustnado glass ceiling. The tornadoes are all up there, blowin’ around however they see fit, while down below, the Gustnadoes are left the scraps; the leaves, and stray branches, the occasional trash can. It makes me sick.
We need to have affirmative Gustnado action. We need it yesterday. The Gustnado is such an overlooked wind event that Webster’s doesn’t even bother with a definition. If only the Gustnado were given the same chance as other wind events, I’m sure it would be successful. We cannot sit back and allow this travesty to continue. We must stand up and be heard. We must fight for the Gustnado, as it is too weak a wind event to fight for itself. In general, that is. I’m sure that are some Gustnadoes that are capable of leading the fight and helping to pull the others along. They just need the opportunity.
Wow. All that activism has made me hungry. I think I’ll eat a cupcake now.