The Hypocrisy Shown in TV Westerns
I Could Get Into Hot Water
by publishing this tell-all-form about The Hypocrisy that we had to watch in the early days of TV ranging from the mid-1950s to the early 60s. The list is almost endless of my favorite TV Westerns. I loved them all. Such as: Gunsmoke; Have Gun – Will Travel; Wagon Train; Lawman; The Rifleman and a lot more. In fact, I loved these TV Westerns to such an extent that I would go outside and pretend to be “Matt Dillon” or maybe “Wyatt Earp” and round-up whatever town was being taken-over by rowdy cattle drovers—who loved to “let off some steam” after three months on the trail—then take their scratch and head for the nearest saloon and when the whiskey caused these (otherwise) good ol’ men, they acted-out fighting, shooting-up the saloon and when enough laws had been broken, in stepped the town marshal and put them in his jail to “sleep off”the liquor.
Just another day at the office. I am not kidding. When I was very young, I would lay on my stomach with my head propped-up with my hands—completely glued to what “Matt Dillon,” the United States Marshal was going to do for showing their butts on “Kitty Russell’s” (Amanda Blake) “ Long Branch Saloon.” Then if the always-stable, “Doc Adams,” (Milburn Stone) was in his office or already inside the “Long Branch Saloon,” he would get right to work fixing-up the wounded and bruised cowpokes.
Typical for TV Westerns.
And Then, The Glaring Face of Hypocrisy
raise up its ugly face and then inflict innocent citizens (who were not educated in TV Westerns) with facts pertaining to the said Western and put on such areas of fakery and down-right deception. And I am not the least angry. I am just glad that you and I found out before it was too late. I’d hate to go through our country and watch the producers, screenwriters, and directors continually deceive “us” with their obvious acts of sheer lying.
Would you like to take a moment and let me share with you, the hypocrisy that is still evident in these United States? The reason that I ask you is I love America. And I know you do too. So take a look at these things I found out by studying TV westerns and you may NEVER look at TV Westerns again . . .
First of All There is . . .
Mother Nature’s Call – is NEVER answered by the good or bad guys. Take my word for it. Watch your next TV Western and look closely. You will NEVER see ANYONE run for dear life to find a hiding place in order to, well, uh . . .you know!
The Same Can Be Said – for our fine, feathered friends who love to sit on limbs and watch the citizens of some town go about their business—but you will NEVER see a bird or birds relieve themselves onto these poor citizens.
Money For Nothing – is NOT the hit song from the 80s: “Money for Nothing,” by Dire Straits, but again, I urge you to watch a scene in “Gunsmoke” when “Doc Adams” uses his wisdom as a doctor to bring a sick cowboy back to life. Then you will notice that the ailing cowboy NEVER bothered to pay “Doc Adams” although the cowpoke was gainfully-employed with some cattle drive. He did not even offer “Adams” a heifer for his services. Hypocrite! Hypocrite!
Get Me Some Bullets – quickly! The outlaws are headed this way! See the action scenes that goes with almost every Western and if you look closely, some of their six-shooters fire as many times as seven or eight times. And this was before the Colt .45 automatic that used a clip with 12 bullets.
Nice Steak, Mister – is about all a poor waitress can say if she is a single-mom with three hungry kids at home. Would it be so hard, say if “Marshall Dillon,”or even “Chester” who could easily rival “Jethro Bodine” Max Baer, Jr., when it comes to shoveling down the grub. I can testify to you that “Chester” Dennis Weaver (when he was on “Gunsmoke”) was always needling “Marshall Dillon” about when he was going to get something to eat and the best one: “I ain’t had anything in my stomach since we ate breakfast two hours ago.” Now do you understand? All that “Dillon” and sidekick “Chester” ever left the hard-working waitress was a nickel or dime if she were lucky.
Are You New Here – is almost like what the regulars say in any saloon in any TV Western, “Bonanza,” included. Let me set the scene. The camera is going into the local saloon in the Western and we see the usual customers standing at the bar drinking to their heart’s content and in walks this “Green Hand” or “Tin Horn” who is only there to get some directions to the nearest livery stable. Here is the conversation that takes place:
“What’ll it be?” asks the bartender, “Sam.”
“A beer and some directions,” replies “Tommy,” the traveling pants salesman.
(then one of the regulars slowly walks up to the “newbie” and says):
“You new here, stranger?”
Did you really hear the Obvious Synonym in this question? “You” implies a New person in town, followed by the noun, Stranger. A simple ‘you new here?’ would have worked fine and saved some time.
Horses in Westerns – never have to worry about being shot by stray bullets. I do not care how many outlaws are in town firing as if they had a machine gun followed by the same amount of bullets, but with one difference: although the horses are tied up in front of some saloon, no worries. The bullets seemingly know better than to harm the horses. Must be an ASPCA thing.
And the coupe de gras . . .
The Facilities – as in my point with horses and cows NEVER seen to answer Nature’s call, well, why are the stars and co-stars always “holding their water” and NEVER telling someone in the scene, excuse me, pal. I gotta run to the woods, and uhhh, take care of business.”
February 28, 2019_________________________________________
© 2019 Kenneth Avery