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The Internet is Getting Dangerously Close to Collapsing

Updated on December 12, 2015
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How the Internet works is a complete mystery to most people, and might as well be considered magic.

Even prominent leaders like Alaskan Senator Ted Stevens told the world, “The internet is not a big truck. It's a series of tubes.”

Clearly if the brightest minds can’t grasp it, what hope do we have of understanding it?

I have struggled to understand its vast inner workings myself, and so far all I know is it is made up of countless cables, boxes, and satellites.

Although I don’t get how it runs, I do know what powers it, and this source is getting dangerously low.

Peanut
Peanut | Source

Michael W. Dean Concerned

Renowned radio host Michael W. Dean was blunt when I interviewed him:

"I’m getting really concerned about this latest trend. I think we hit peak kitty last year and it has been on a big downward slide. People have not been posting pictures of their cats like they used to. If this keeps up, the Internet will power down by the end of next month.

There was a time I would check my email box and be overwhelmed with cats chasing lasers, playing games on iPads, or knocking down some small child. But these days, I am lucky to see a cat swatting a dog’s tail once a week.The feline-related traffic has really slowed down."

Dean continued, “I have to resort to filming my own cat Peanut and emailing to myself just so I can feel normal again. I know a great deal about 12-step programs, and I know how to recognize when I have an addiction.

The other night I was so desperate I photoshopped some old cat pictures with new ones to create whole new pictures. I had to get my fix and I did. I realize the fake pictures might hurt my cat’s feelings but I didn’t care. The lack of new cat material on the internet is really starting to affect my life.”

Chi
Chi | Source

Lead Scientists Are Afraid

Lead scientists of “Cat Memes for Our Future” have been tracking and charting cat-related posts on Facebook and other social media platforms since the 1990s. The scientists meet anually to announce their findings and take part in their national conference.

We caught up with one scientist simply known as Danica W.:

“I know I am supposed to stay unobjective as a scientist, but as a heavy Internet user, I’m scared. The statistics don’t lie, and this country is heading for a major breakdown if people don’t start posting more pictures of their cats soon.

We scientists know that the Internet is really powered by cat memes, and the purpose of this organization is to spread that message as far as we possibly can. I mean, really folks, how long does it take to stick a unicorn horn on your cat’s head, or put his face through a piece of bread and post a picture of it? I blame it on the collapse of the economy; people just don’t have time to dress their cats up like they used to. Frankly, if it was not for the the Hallmark Channel showing the Kitten Bowl before the Super Bowl, the internet would have completely blacked out in February. The world has no idea just how important The Kitten Bowl is.”

Mookie Loves His New Horn
Mookie Loves His New Horn | Source
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Cat Ladies Outreach

An effort has begun to reach out to single women over 40 who live with multiple cats. Podcaster Brian Hagen has made several groups on social media websites encouraging these lonely women. He is behind such groups as “Cat Lady Culture,” “Cat Ladies for Christ,” and “Kittens for Vixens.”

When we caught up with him he said,

“If we can encourage these high-volume cat owners to post multiple pictures a day, it would really help to recharge the Internet. I think I speak for everyone when I say we want to see pictures and reports about what their cats are doing all day long.

If I don’t see a cat lady joking about how much hard work it was for their kitty to sleep 20 hours a day, I can’t get through my day. We need to focus harder on these desperate women to start them posting more adorable cat pictures. This why I am offering my special ‘overnight’ training classes and posting sessions free of charge.”

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Jobs Are in Jeopardy

The crisis has even affected people’s jobs. A local businesswoman, Audrey Salem, went on to say,

“I seriously have no idea what to do at work anymore. I used to be able to spend all morning and lunch watching videos of kittens trying to meow, and cats making amazing jumps to grab a feather duster on a string. I loved watching them shred shower curtains, sleep in laundry baskets of clean clothes, and sit on the computer so nobody can see the screen.

Now I actually work at work; do you know how messed up that is? My productivity has gone up 300% and I even finish my projects early. All I know is people better get back to posting videos of their cats or I’m going to end up getting a promotion and running this place. In my day, this used to be a good cat-loving country; now just look what it’s become.”

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Do Your Part!

As the world teeters of the edge of a crisis, I beg you to please be part of the solution and start posting pictures and videos of your cats again.

As Gandhi said when speaking about sharing pictures of his cat, “Be the change you want to see in the world.” If you won’t make a cat meme out of your tabby eating an ice cream cone, who will?

I would like to think that society is not deliberately acting so wrecklessly with their children’s future.

I prefer to think they just forgot how to post pictures of their fur-children. I want to help remind you: below are some examples to inspire you.

The Internet is Made of Cats

Dagny
Dagny | Source
Mr. Blue
Mr. Blue | Source

Is Owning 5 Cats Too Many

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Mookie
Mookie | Source
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    • CWanamaker profile image

      CWanamaker 3 years ago from Arizona

      This fantastic piece of literary content was not at all what I expected - it was PURRfect!

    • profile image

      Tracy Wilson 3 years ago

      Mr. Lupo gets his claws into this topic and doesn't let go!

      Great job on addressing a social issue that could potentially change life as we know it.

    • profile image

      Dana Nutter 3 years ago

      Just doing my part.

      http://dana.nutter.net/cats/

    • Pittsburgh Vegan profile image

      Adam Rahuba 3 years ago from Pittsburgh, PA

      I was definitely expecting something a lot heavier and scarier. I was much more delighted to see photos of cats. It's actually gotten to the point where I keep a blog about the exploit of my little guy. Say what you will about cat owners, but we're awesome.

    • Pittsburgh Vegan profile image

      Adam Rahuba 3 years ago from Pittsburgh, PA

      Came back here to mention that I've shared this article with quite a few friends, and the feedback I've received has been wonderful. Mr. Lupo, might I suggest that you attempt to get a writing job at The Onion?

    • TarrinLupo profile image
      Author

      Tarrin Lupo 3 years ago from Peterborough NH

      I wish the Onion would hire me, thanks for the pimp. I am trying to drop a comedy article ever few days.

    • FlourishAnyway profile image

      FlourishAnyway 3 years ago from USA

      LOVED THIS! The "internets" with their wires are definitely on the blink. Proof: I tried pinning this but couldn't. I'll be back to do so. In the mean time, I shall dedicate the rest of my day to making unicorn horns for myself and my 10 cats (5 inside, 5 outside), and I shall post cat photos on Facebook. We all need to pitch in. You have done society a public service alerting us to this important issue. Voted way up and sharing.

    • TarrinLupo profile image
      Author

      Tarrin Lupo 3 years ago from Peterborough NH

      Flourish, I am a little disappointed you are wasting time we don't have commenting on this thread. Hurry, go post your tabbies and domestic short hairs, time is critical.

      I love that you are a cat lady, they do much for feline kind. Pinterest was attacked by the internet gremlins. I have not been able to pin anything in almost a day. Add me on Facebook, I would love to be friends.

    • Dolores Monet profile image

      Dolores Monet 3 years ago from East Coast, United States

      Though I love the internet I know so little of it all. Thanks for the instructive article! (Call me an old poop but I never dress up my cat and rarely post pictures of him, even on FB. Oh wait, I put him in one of my hubs, so never mind)

    • TarrinLupo profile image
      Author

      Tarrin Lupo 3 years ago from Peterborough NH

      Delores I am glad to heard you have at least one picture of you cat, but I am counting on you picking that number way up.

    • Monis Mas profile image

      Aga 3 years ago

      Your hub is very entertaining. And all of the kitties here are too cute!

    • Annette Hendley profile image

      Annette Hendley 3 years ago from London, United Kingdom

      Very entertaining. I am a sucker for funny cat videos and pictures.

    • TarrinLupo profile image
      Author

      Tarrin Lupo 3 years ago from Peterborough NH

      Thank you Annette, I hope you will check out my other humor articles.

    • Bk42author profile image

      Brenda Thornlow 3 years ago from New York

      This was great! Definitely Onion material! Love the pics of the cats, too. I have 2 of my own. Thanks for posting!

    • TarrinLupo profile image
      Author

      Tarrin Lupo 3 years ago from Peterborough NH

      Thanks Bk42, go write hubs about them.

    • swilliams profile image

      Emunah La Paz 3 years ago from Arizona

      The cat in the sink, looks just like my cat! Except that cat seems to have an attitude. Anyway, I like the pictures and this a very different kind of Hubb. Thanks for sharing. Voted up.

    • MPG Narratives profile image

      Marie Giunta 3 years ago from Sydney, Australia

      Your title got me instantly, I had to read this hub. You're a genius to write such a brilliant, funny hub, not at all what I expected from the title. And full of gorgeous cats...long live the internet (and cats too of course).

    • Suzanne Day profile image

      Suzanne Day 3 years ago from Melbourne, Victoria, Australia

      LOL so funny and I have to say that the answer might not be cats....but guinea pigs! Check out my wonderful gp memes ;) Voted funny.

    • profile image

      Oztinato 3 years ago

      Impressive thesis. It explains so much about the internet and how cats fit in to the secret Plan. Of course its so obvious now!! Thanks!

    • srmenon80 profile image

      Shivani Menon 3 years ago from Bangalore, Karnataka, India

      Its very funny and different kind of hub

    • SeThCipher profile image

      Sebastian 3 years ago

      It is simply CATastrophical!

    • Jeannieinabottle profile image

      Jeannie InABottle 3 years ago from Baltimore, MD

      I appreciate the effort you are putting into this important matter. We must have more cat photos and videos! The unicorn horn on your cat is nice touch. Thank you.

    • MJennifer profile image

      Marcy J. Miller 3 years ago from Arizona

      Kudos, Tarrin, this is brilliant! I'm glad that as a former cat-hater who has now turned to the dark side and brought two of the little miscreants into my dog-loving home, I have done my part to power up the net with countless cute cat videos, slice-of-life cat anecdotes, and thousands of ridiculously adorable cat photos. I had no idea I was saving America. I thought it sufficient just to annoy my friends and family.

      Congrats on the HOTD. Well deserved!

      Best -- MJ

    • Patty Inglish, MS profile image

      Patty Inglish 3 years ago from North America

      Hilarious! Is there a national cat-meme month?

    • cyoung35 profile image

      Chad Young 3 years ago from Corona, CA

      You caught my attention with the title. I was totally surprised when I started reading but I found that I couldn't stop. It's almost like I had a hairball stuck in my throat and I couldn't hack it up until I finished reading. Great hub!

    • Bercton profile image

      Bercton 3 years ago from United Kingdom

      Very interesting topic and great Hub!

    • DzyMsLizzy profile image

      Liz Elias 3 years ago from Oakley, CA

      Congrats on HOTD! Very funny and well done! I admit, I am guilty of posting too few photos of our 7 cats...but shoot, with all the time I spend watching them sleep, who has time left for photos?

      Voted up and funny.

    • Millionaire Tips profile image

      Shasta Matova 3 years ago from USA

      Congratulations on HOTD - you've done an important service letting us know about the danger of the internet collapsing. I am hoping that the dog lovers will take over and make their own viral memes.

    • Chris Telden profile image

      Chris Telden 3 years ago from Pacific Northwest, U.S.A.

      Perfect for April 1st!

    • hellovictoria profile image

      ToriM 3 years ago from Atlanta

      I LOVE THIS ARTICLE! I'm crying laughing over here! great job!!

    • catfish33 profile image

      Jeffrey Yelton 3 years ago from Maryland

      This was hilarious! I put it on my facebook page, so you may be getting heavy traffic soon!

    • Chuck profile image

      Chuck Nugent 3 years ago from Tucson, Arizona

      Very clever article. Well written and highly amusing. I thoroughly enjoyed it even though I am not a cat lover. Keep up the good work.

    • theBAT profile image

      theBAT 3 years ago

      Thanks for this hub written in a very entertaining way. I never thought that this hub is about cats. I enjoyed reading.

    • profile image

      j4tigers 3 years ago

      Love, love, love this! You could have shown pix of the cats alone and I'd have enjoyed it, but the article itself was great as well. Not what I was expecting - but great! What a treat! More please!

    • Jodah profile image

      John Hansen 3 years ago from Queensland Australia

      Hi TarrinLupo, this is a hilarious hub. I have seen a recent increase in cat memes being posted on Facebook, so that's good. I have four cats myself, but must admit I haven't been doing my bit to protect the Internet. Thanks fir the encouragement to do so.

    • profile image

      attaoui 23 months ago

      tres belle

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