The Jensen Project: Can You Be a Part of The Jensen Project?
The Jensen Project might need your help. Every great TV series has a massively popular theme song. Unfortunately, rumors persist that the producers of The Jensen Project exceeded their budget by casting megastars LeVar Burton, Patricia Richardson, and Alyssa Diaz.
What if The Jensen Project becomes the feel-good break-out up-and-coming blockbuster Summer Replacement hit of the season? How can we possibly watch the show on a regular basis without a catchy theme song? Who will give us the jingle we desperately need?
Here's where you can help. Write a theme song. Donate it to the common good.
What's the Plot?
You will need to know something about the show. An effective theme song includes relevant lyrics providing back-story and exposition.
A fellow named Jensen is the bad guy. Other characters must thwart him.
Hey, this is network television. What else do you expect?
We're not precisely sure about the precise nature of the show, but we think that some uber-smart people practice goodness and other genius-level folks who idolize Dr. Evil. The white hats operate as a family unit, thwarting Jensen as a group project. The bad guys hate kittens and drive SUVs that guzzle gas.
Or something like that. Anyway, the theme song can be sufficiently vague just in case the show must be retooled after the premiere episode.
Who Pays for The Jensen Project?
Wal Mart and Procter & Gamble co-sponsor The Jensen Project. Based on their common interests, we anticipate that Jensen won't actually be killing millions of people before being thwarted. Ancillary characters will get punched, expendable buildings may collapse or even explode, and you can expect mass quantities of tense music behind the family-style scary scenes. Cliffhanger episodes may include good guys hanging off real cliffs, but don't look for blood or guts.
The Jensen Project Theme, Sung to the Tune of the Beverly Hillbillies Theme
Come and listen to my story 'bout this Jensen guy,
A cute and clever genius, turned toward the dark side.
And then one day he was working up a scheme,
It's a good thing for us that we have the A-Team.
The Jensen Project Theme, Sung to the Tune of the Brady Bunch Theme
Here's the story of an evil genius.
Who was cooking up a very devious plot.
He was evil, but safe for Prime-Time,
We know he will be caught.
Here's the story of a loving family,
Who was loyal to this evil Jensen dude.
They were good friends, working all together,
But that would not be viewed.
Til the one day when this Jensen became evil,
And they knew that it would make a TV theme.
That this twist would make the critics happy,
They would thwart him, but next week again he'd scheme.
Again he'd scheme, again he'd scheme.
The Jensen Project Theme, Sung to the Tune of the Good Times Theme
Any time you need a crisis
Any time you need a foil
Any time you're out of plot lines
Not getting captured, not getting busted
Keepin' his schemes fresh and current
Making a wave when he can
Easy bank fraud rip-offs
Hacking secret passwords
Uploading a virus
Ain't we lucky he's thwarted