The Last Jedi: Stolen Fanfic, Lost Opportunities, Continuity Problems and False Advertising
So, yours truly on December 15th dutifully went to see The Last Jedi even after I saw plot leaks that confirmed that the movie was horrible. Now, leading up to this dumpster fire, we had been told of major plot twists and reveals. What we got was anything but a twist in the plot, though I suppose running Snoke through with the Skywalker Light Saber by Darth Snowflake was a twist, an anti-climactic bullshit twist. The reveals were so underwhelming that they almost made no sound beyond the cringing anger of the audience that expected, SOMETHING! Anything
Let’s go right to the heart of this horror fest: The whole Rey, Ren Force texting thing and relationship was right out of terrible fanfiction found on Tumblr and other places. There is a group, a loud, obnoxious, idiotic herd of sad lonely millennial girls and aging, fat, spinster cat ladies and fey boys that are obsessed with Adam Driver. I don’t know why. He’s nothing like a young Harrison Ford who was so handsome so beautiful, so gorgeous. Drivers not anything like Harrison Ford is now. But obsessed they are. So much so they started what can only be described as a movement and they call it, Reylo.
These women and some boys write drippy mellow dramatic fanfics, and create asinine music videos about this fictional character who is basically the film adaptation of every horrible, evil kind of character we see in-reality. These people have more sympathy for a genocidal, patricidal, thumb sucking emo loser than they do for his victims, which range from school children, old family friends, entire groups of people, genocide of planets to his own father.
The writing is so terrible that we do not get any hint of what happened beyond Darth Snowflake hates his parents, hates his uncle whom now gets blamed along with his father for his own actions his decisions. There is no context to the fall of Ben Solo as there was in the fall of Anakin Skywalker. Ben just woke up one day, dark side, his uncle (he thinks) tries to kill him, becomes Kyle Ron and off he goes on his merry adventure of genocide, murder and patricide, all the while being about as menacing as a raccoon with rabies.
How did this Reylo crap get inserted like a pestilence into The Last Jedi? Likely the idiots at Lucas Film and idiots at Lucas Film are plethora, saw the Reylo garbage online from Tumblr to YouTube and had Johnson put a flavor of it in there. They sttole some sad lonely woman's fanfic. Just enough to tease the gross women. It was kowtowing to a silly, mentally unstable herd of fools who when they get bored will be off obsessing with the next sad boy character that needs saving. It was shoddily written, shoddily acted and all in all made zero sense because of The Force Awakens. Which brings up director Rian Johnson’s ignoring continuity between movies.
The continuity between The Force Awakens and this mess was nonexistent. From ignoring of everything Rey said about herself in The Force Awakens to her Force Vision in the movie to the fact, the Skywalker Light Saber went to her instead of Ren. I think the complete disregard of Abrams effort on behalf of Rey in The Force Awakens was probably the most egregious continuity issue and there were a lot of continuity issues.
Instead we get Johnson dutifully baiting the ugly fat cat ladies and inexperienced Millennial girl Adam Driver obsessed crowd. All of this took yours truly out of the movie and pissed me off. It pissed off anyone who has been a fan of Star Wars since 1977.
We again had no real explanation of why Han bolted, why Leia did what she did and what really happened. All we can assume is something traumatic occurred and crashed everything. Was it just Ben Solo Snowflake running away and then destroying Luke’s temple and the Jedi Academy? Johnson could not be bothered to explain that. He was too busy trying to elicit sympathy for Darth Emo. These were big plot points. The only time we even hint at something is when Luke explains to Rey that Ben was being sent to his academy to train and Leia was for it while Han was cool to the idea. (If Han was so awful a dad why would he not be happy with Ben training to be a Jedi?) When we see Solo in The Force Awakens, Ford turns and looks at Fin and basically spits out, “Yeah I knew him. I knew Luke.” Not hard for a good screen writer to interweave that whole issue into Luke’s story. I am not even going into other issues with the lack of continuity because it could become a novel.
The missed opportunities here in The Last Jedi are probably the most grievous sins that Johnson and the Lucas Story Group committed. The chance to explain Abrams mystery boxes completely has been lost and now it’s up to Abrams who is by no means the film maker he believes himself to be to explain everything. We were promised major reveals. I already talked about Snoke being killed so anti climactically in The Last Jedi. We were promised a big reveal about him, origins etc. What we got was a coward’s way out because Johnson was too afraid to take a chance. Then Rey Nobody. What a pile of horse shit that is. Another ass kiss to a minority of fans who are obsessed with Adam Driver. I had a viewer on my YouTube channel say that he went to the midnight first showing of the movie for the Rey reveal and the Snoke reveal. The viewer like so many felt let down and angry. If you promise a big reveal and hint at big things, then you must deliver. Other big reveals were eluded to however never delivered. If Luke Skywalker going out of character to kill his nephew was a reveal it was a big screw you to fans. This is the same character who saw light in the worst human being the galaxy, Darth Vader and he turned him by staying consistent to his compassionate kind nature. Whoever that was swinging the saber at a young already gross Ben Solo it was not Luke Skywalker. The missed opportunity to truly explain what happened will haunt Lucas film forever. The missed opportunity to explain through Leia what happened with her, Han and everything will haunt Lucas film forever. Explaining Han’s haunted sad looks at Rey, their interesting relationship, why he was so pissed off at Luke, what made him leave and how he lost the Falcon. All could have been interwoven beautifully into a lovely story that carried on Lucas’ theme of rhyme and mirror.
Another missed opportunity was making Fin’s side trip to Canto Bight really be part of the story. Here Johnson proved beyond a shadow of a doubt he is not the story teller Lucas and Irvin Kershner were in The Empire Strikes Back. All the subplots in Empire dove tailed in the climax at Cloud City perfectly. Han and Leia’s escape from Hoth and their growing romance, Han’s issues with the bounty hunters, Luke’s training with Yoda, Lando’s ambiguous morality and dilemma, Vader’s mission to bring Skywalker to him. All of it meshed beautifully. What Johnson did was prove he had two characters he had no clue what to do with and we spent forty minutes watching something we didn’t care about that came to absolutely nothing and had zero resonance with the main plot. Wait? Was there a plot? A point to The Last Jedi? No. But at least the prequels had a point. And there is more I could complain about.
The blatant false advertising of this monstrosity cannot be overlooked. The Japanese poster for The Last Jedi hinted at Rey discovering something truly important about herself. We then get Rey Nobody. Rey Nobody that is not consistent to Rey somebody who is telling BB8 that she knows about being kept a secret and that she expected her family to comeback any day now. If she, as Kyle Ron, said always knew she was a no body why would she being saying that in The Force Awakens and why would Rey Nobody be consistent with the Skywalker light saber calling out to her if she is in fact not a Skywalker.
Then we have the advertising. The posters were red, and Rian Johnson indicated that the red meant family. Bob Iger, CEO of Disney himself said the Skywalker Family Saga continues after seeing a rough cut of this disaster. To me in looking back on these blatant falsehoods, I feel used and abused. Yes, I bought the Leia poster with her ring. Why? Because again we were promised something that fit and made sense and symbolism being what it is in Star Wars the ring, being so prominently shown MEANT SOMETHING! We were told it would change everything and all it did was undermine the original trilogy, turn Han and Luke into well whatever the hell Lucas Story Group thinks they are and it was an attack not only on George Lucas himself but the fans of forty years. Unless Abrams can fix this catastrophe, this is not the Skywalker Family saga anymore which effectively kills Star Wars. Without that red thread and connection to Anakin, to Luke, to Leia and Han the saga means nothing. It is nothing. Maybe the nihilists and deconstructionists behind the disaster want it that way? Meanwhile fans desert the franchise in record numbers.
In the end the movie is not making the money it could have. It was oversold and it massively under delivered. It was not what they promised us. It catered to a small minority of very sick females and fey boys who are obsessed with an evil character, not because like Vader he strikes awe and fear but because for some reason Lucas Story Group couldn’t be bothered to put his story into context and decided let’s just blame the two men from the original trilogy who became heroes and legends for this waste of DNA’s fall and the asinine Driver fangirls will eat it up like ice cream. If that’s the kind of fan they want, Star Wars will fail to make money and it will die again. And maybe it should. These post modern sickos, millennial nihilists and losers do not deserve Han, Luke and Leia and the people behind this garbage deserve everything they get for destroying a beautiful original creation that was organic and complex and meant so much to millions.