- Entertainment and Media
The Legend of Eduardo, the Helper Monkey
The legend of Eduardo, the Helper-Monkey, all started with a hubber named Greg Sage. He's one funny guy, and though he has help from a menagerie, including a petite lap giraffe properly named Horatio whom he re-named "Jerry", it is primarily about Eduardo that I want to speak.
Eduardo was blissfully enjoying his banana in a tree, in the wilds of the Colombian mountains, when Greg, whose questionable purposes in Colombia may have had something to do with illegal pharmaceuticals, captured Eduardo with a butterfly net, brought him home, and proceeded to enslave the poor beast by getting him addicted to Kool-Aid, loaded with Vodka. The Russian kind, no less.
Though not an active animal rights activist, I can feel for Eduardo's plight. Here he is, captured by a white guy who will literally do anything for money (was it Greg I saw, trolling the red light district in a red miniskirt, black go-go boots that reached up his thighs, and a sequined bra?), and condemned to type but not read tons and tons of...not to put too fine a point on it...
This poor monkey has blistahs on his fingahs, since Greg is nothing if not prolific...
And also has fallen in love with a petite lap giraffe...
Those two, Eduardo and Jerry the PLG (I must call him Jerry since everyone else does. His real name is Horatio Alger), forced into white slavery in Greg Sage's household after having been captured by the raving lunatic, whose rapacious avidity for getting money any old way knows no bounds, have become the best of friends, in a friendship forged by the fire of forced labor.
It's a love story both touching and warm, with only a possible miscegenist feel to it as they are different species to detract from the poignancy of finding each other through the hardship of being enslaved to Greg Sage and living in his mother's basement and never getting to sit on the gold couch, but always having to work, work, work, and drink loaded Kool-Aid for refreshment from their labors.
It's Romeo and Juliet, all over again, there in Greg Sage's basement. Or do I mean Romeo and Mercutio, since they are both males? Ah well.
If you want to really know what all the recent hoopla is about, click HERE:
This was intended to be a comical send-up or roast of Mr. Sage, and not intended to be taken seriously as an attack on Mr. Sage or his helpers.
Please do NOT regard any personal references or aspersions cast on Mr. Sage's character to be valid or true, or intended to wound.
Mr. Sage is well on the way to becoming a cyber-friend of mine. I have the theory it's good to be cyber-friends with those from other planets.