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Dancing With Spiderman

Updated on July 17, 2017

Spiderman: Homecoming (or Spidey wants to Dance)

Spiderman: Homecoming (or Spidey wants to Dance)

Peter Parker is in a rut. At the tender age of fifteen, he has already knocked heads with the ultimate Captain of them all; fought a wannabe Robin in tights; refused to be handcuffed by a dominatrix sexy Slavic talking Witch; withstood a joke telling Ant-sized adversary who temporarily becomes a powerful Giant-man (not because of masculinity concerns); and then Parker is dropped from the collective Super Hero club like a Trump presidential appointee. This is the one where the action is nonstop; teenage angst is revealing; and you sort of root for the bad guy, not because of his actions, but rather because of his philosophical explanation on the meaning of class warfare.

This movie reboot is a throwback to the Peter Parker comic book era of issues 20 – 45, or so. It was the time when the clarity of who Parker was and would be, began to take focus. It was a time when the main characters, except Gwen Stacy who has been done to death (bad pun), in all the movies come to the surface. Mary Jane is the unconventional type of class groupie who is super intelligent, not exceptionally sexy looking, and seems to have all the time in the world, to include sitting in a detention class for quiet time, to etch and sketch the Ben Stein- demeanor-resembling Detention Teacher. Liz Allen is the life of the party, and Parker’s first crush. Parker’s mission is to save her from all things cruel and then try to inflict the Spidey embrace, without crushing her physically or spiritually. The latter becomes the real test of the Spider.

Parker also has a High School sidekick this time, the not forgotten (unfortunately), Ned Leeds. Ned's comic book claim to fame was to marry that hot tomato of a woman, Betty Brant (another early love focus of a nerdy Parker) The discovery of Parker’s most treasured secret by Leeds becomes a sore point as Ned drops innuendo after innuendo of Parker’s alter ego to anyone within earshot. Sort of like Duke Wayne’s repetitively pulling back on his trigger finger while man-handling a Gatling gun. It gets to the point that we begin to fantasize Parker strangling his beloved friend, while laughingly reciting prose from Julius Caesar. The movie may end prematurely but the audience’s (and Parker’s) suffering would cease.

The casting credit shout-out really goes to Michael Keaton (Robert Downey, just eat it man). Keaton does his normally great bang up job of portraying your average working stiff who assembles a crew which converts alien technology into energy blasting Widow-Makers. Obviously no big deal for guys who previously were doing dude work hauling junk for a living. You would dislike them except for the fact that they are so Queens blue collar regular Joes, who are not only obvious Trump supporters, but also enterprising entrepreneurs only seeking to make a buck while providing for their families. Keaton plays a superbadee called The Vulture, who is fair with his guys, unless they buck his operation. That calls for selective vaporization. While seemingly harsh, colleague vaporization does allow for rapid career advancement for others in the crew. Keaton also plays the proud Dad, the devoted husband, the Talleyrand for the coming Revolution which will enrich him and his bosom buddies. His skill set in operating alien generated flying wings is the best since Clarence in “It’s a Wonderful Life.” While not a true Angel, Keaton’s “Vulture” has a heart not full of evil, just full of proletariat rage. He would be an awesome guest on The Rachael Maddow show.

However, the truly special guest appearance belongs to Captain America. Throughout the movie he appears repeatedly in school advertisements advising young people to do the right thing at all times. Truly the Last Boy Scout. Despite the chaos of the Civil War, he is still with us, like Grandma’s Apple pie or a “Wizard of Oz” rerun. WARNING: Do not leave the theater until the completion of the credits. The Captain returns for the funniest punchline of them all. After that, a dancing Spiderman? Who care? The Flick? Swing on down to catch it. Well worth it!


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