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The Next Harry Potter Books - Reviews of the Unpublished Next Editions!

Updated on March 14, 2010

These are reviews of the next three books in the famous 'Harry Potter' series.

"Harry Potter and the One-Legged Syphallitic French Whore"

Upon leaving Hogwarts, Harry finds himself without direction and painfully naive in regards to intermingling with "muggles." He spends some time hitch-hiking throughout Europe trying to clear his mind of the guilt he lives with regarding Professor Dumbledore's tragic death, and though he misses his old friends Hermoine, Ron, Ginny and Hagrid dearly, he has come to the realization that they've all moved on and it's time for him to do the same. He eventually finds himself pennyless, hungry, exhausted and at the point of giving up when an aging prostitute named Monique takes pity upon him and gives him shelter for the night. While she is completely intrigued with her mysterious and young new friend, Harry seems apprehensive about allowing himself to care about her. Since he's experienced so much death and tragedy at such a young age, he has a very hard time seeing any other person, wizard or muggle, as someone he could potentially love. She convinces him to stay longer than just one night and, though he harbors deep commitment fears and self-loathing, he entertains Monique's desire to nurture and care for him. Later in the story, he does open up to Monique's caring and eventually grows to love her. She, in turn, falls in love with him and they formulate a plan that allows her to quit turning tricks and start looking towards the future. Unfortunately, Monique is hiding the fact that she's dying from her syphallis and secretly dreading the day the truth comes out. It eventually does come out though, but by that time Harry has allowed himself to become completely vulnerable yet again to the dangerous emotion of love. Forced to deal with his overwhelming anger, fear, sadness and love, he makes the decision to stay by Monique's side as she succombs to her disease. An emotional ending to the story has Harry Potter yet again wandering aimlessly through life without direction, only this time both wiser and more cynical.

"Harry Potter and the Librium-Induced Psychosis"

Having lived on the streets for a few years, nobody that Harry talks to about his past as a wizarding student will believe a word he says, and because of the booze he's grown so fond of, he has completely lost the ability to perform even the most simple of spells. Knowing in his mind that, at one time, he was the most powerful wizard in the world simply tortures him in regards to his inability to be taken seriously by anyone else. He starts to delve deeper into madness with every passing day until he eventually ends up going through a psychotic break that ends him up in a state hospital. Screaming and thrashing, he's restrained for more than a week before the Head Psychiatric Doctor can calm him down enough to start to work on his mental state. One thing the Doctors did not realize is that while Harry was being restrained, he was going through severe delirium tremons which only further escalated his mental illness. Upon the realization that his confinement could have potentially killed him, the Head Psychiatric Doctor immediately starts Harry on a high regimen of the anti-psychotic, librium. Unfortunately, he has an unknown allergy to the drug and ends up going further down the rabbit-hole. While Harry appears to merely be catatonic, he's really being forced to experience very powerful hallucinations regarding his studies at Hogwarts, his battles with Lord Voldemort, his residual abandonment issues left over from his parent's death and his overall feelings of rejection and inadequecy. While in his catatonic state, he's forced to travel through the deepest, most dark parts of his mind and address issues that not only shaped him, but eventually destroyed him. The penultimate chapter of the book deals with him "coming to" from the catatonic state and realizing that, now free of his demons, he has lost everything that he is or ever was. Harry Potter has not only lost his past, but his hope for any feelings of self-worth as well.

"Harry Potter and the Acceptance of Mediocrity"

Having been clean for more than a year, Harry finds himself working as a bus driver for the city and has abandoned any remaining memories of being one of the greatest wizards ever. His life revolves around attending 12-step meetings, meditation, therapist visits and, of course, his work. Having "settled" into his very safe routine, Harry is still plagued with questions that he can't even define. The answers seem closer than the questions, yet they remain just out of his reach. Because of these consuming thoughts, he becomes an insomniac and starts to worry that he will once again end up back in the state hospital. Desperate to lead a normal life, he searches for the only person in his life that ever tried to discourage his wizarding lifestyle in the first place, Mr. Dursley. He finally contacts his Uncle after locating his number on an internet detective site and surprisingly, Mr. Dursley enthusiastically agrees to meet him for coffee. They meet the very next day, and Harry tells his Uncle all about the feelings he has regarding his past and Mr. Dursley informs him of a past that Harry has never remembered until now. It turns out that there really never was a 'Hogwarts' Academy, an evil Lord Voldemort or any of the friends that Harry remembers. The truth is that Harry's Mother and Father belonged to a cult and had planned a family suicide when Harry was only 2 years old. His parents each had a grenade in their hand and had placed one in Harry's crib when a member of MI-6 stormed the house and literally grabbed the young Potter just seconds before his parents were blown to shreds. The Agent dropped to the floor with Harry held tightly in his arms just as the shrapnel from the grenades exploded over them in a blinding flash of light. The only injury Harry sustained was a lightening shaped cut above his left eye. As the smoke started to settle, the agent's radio squawked to life and Harry heard "Officer Lord! Are you okay? Copy! Lord! I repeat! Is operation Voldemort still neccessary? LORD!!! VOLDEMORT?!" And that was the last thing young Harry heard before being placed in the care of his Aunt and Uncle. So Harry learned in his 30's that everything he remembered was built upon a traumatic experience he'd had when he was an infant. Ron, Hermoine, Ginny, Hagrid and evryone else he had hoped to reunite with one day never even existed in the first place. Every day, he had mourned the death of a teacher that had never even existed. The book ends with Harry realizing he had not gone crazy after Hogwarts - he'd been crazy all along. The final chapter has Harry clocking into work and starting his route in the morning. Once his bus is full of people, he pulls a grenade out of his lunch-box, pulls the pin and smiles as he removes a wizard's wand out of his jacket pocket.

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    • Delaney Boling profile imageAUTHOR

      Delaney Boling 

      9 years ago

      Yeah, all those school children that so easily related to their beloved Harry Potter have all grown up, and are now dealing with their own identity crisis', failures and broken relationships. J.K. Rowling simply saw the need to formulate a new Harry Potter, a Harry Potter that could make the readers feel comfortable with their own mediocre lives.

    • SimeyC profile image

      Simon Cook 

      9 years ago from NJ, USA

      LOL now I really can't wait for these books to come out!!!!

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