President Obama is so pretty, that when he goes to the Middle East, he has to wear a burka.
"Dear God, You took my favorite actor, Patrick Swayze. You also took my favorite actress, Natasha Richardson. You took my favorite musician, Michael Jackson. You even took my favorite salesman, Billy Mays. For the record God, my favorite President is Obama."
In what is being referred to as the biggest Thanksgiving blunder in history, President Obama accidently pardoned the entire country of Turkey this year. Canada, upon hearing about it, became so enraged that they declared war on and defeated Turkey. Their first act of diplomacy was to change the name of Turkey to Chicken.
A little known fact is that Barack Obama was actually a BBQ Champion before he got involved in politics, and holds the "Best BBQ" title in 49 out of the 50 U.S. states. The only state he has yet to win the coveted award is his home-state of Hawaii.
In what is being touted as the biggest example of forgiveness so far this century, President Barack Obama has publicly forgiven Tiger Woods for impregnating his Wife, Michelle and being the biological father to Sasha. Obama plans to have Woods to the White House soon to talk it out over a beer.
If you stand in front of the bathroom mirror with the lights out, and spin around three times while chanting "Yes we can, Yes we can, Yes we can...", President Barack Obama will come through the mirror and eat you.
President Obama, Kanye West and Spencer Pratt all died in a plane crash and ended up standing in judgement before God. God looks at Kanye and asks him why he should get into heaven. Kanye tells God that if the Bible had been written when he was alive, he'd be in all the chapters. God nods and then tells Kanye to take his seat to the right of him. He then looks at Spencer Pratt and asks the same thing. Spencer laughs and asks God "Don't you know who I am?! I'm Spidey, baby!" God again nods and directs Spencer to take his seat to the left. Next, God asks Obama the same question and Obama replies, "You're in my seat."
Why did Jay Leno vote for Obama? He was running out of Bush jokes.
Why did David letterman vote for Obama? He was running out of Jay Leno's Bush jokes.
Barack Obama was Eric LeSalle's stunt double in the blockbuster hit, "Breakin' 3"
A reporter once asked President Obama if he smoked after sex. He replied, "You know, I've never looked..."
Obama can wear white after Labor Day.
If you had a dollar and President Barack Obama had a dollar, Obama would have more money than Chuck Norris.
President Obama is so pretty that Bill Clinton wants to intern for him.
Obama used to be the kid on the show, "Mr. Belvedere"
Why did Jimmy Carter vote for Obama? He didn't want to die being known as "the worst President ever."
Why did Senator kennedy vote for Obama? Brain tumor.
President Obama can set fire to ants with a magnifying glass... at night.
President Obama is so pretty that even he could pull off Hillary Clinton's pantsuits.
President Obama once rescued a kitten from a burning building, and then administered CPR until the emergency crew arrived. The kitten lived and was adopted by a Mormon family that named her Chuckles. They travel the state of Utah performing an act that involves a tight-rope, tap-dancing shoes and various muppets.
After performing a DNA test, it's been confirmed that Barack Obama, is indeed, Sanjaya's real father.
Obama took meth in junior-high school. He thought he needed to before he could advance on to algebra.
President Obama tried Viagra once when he was in college and the result is the over-population of China.
President Obama has a degree in film studies, and tried out his hand at acting before moving into politics. He starred in the movie, "The Crying Game", and you may remember his role as Dil, the effeminate "girlfriend" of Forrest Whitaker's character, Fergus. During filming, Whitaker and Obama quickly became friends and continue to vacation in Bora Bora with their families together every year.
On a cooked turkey, if John Edwards is the white meat and Colin Powell is the dark meat, Barack Obama is the cartilage.
Why did Jane Fonda vote for Obama? Because Ho Chi Mihn is dead.
Why did Ho Chi Mihn vote for Obama? Because Ho Chi Mihn is dead.
An anagram of "Barack Hussein Obama" is "A cabana bum hero ski."
Obama has the power to raise voters from the dead. Just watch the next election...
Nostradamus predicted the tiff between Barack Obama and Kanye West and his writings tell us that we're in for an epic battle between those two!
Obama holds the Guiness World record for largest gum-wad. Taking more than seven years to finish, Obama chewed an estimated 20,000 packs of Big League chew (grape flavor), and the enormous wad is on display at the Smithsonian Museum.
In an effort to groom future voters to do the right thing, President Obama's administration is currently working to pass a bill that would make it possible to achieve a perfect score on the SAT's simply by writing "Yes we can." for every answer on the test.
"Obama, won't you buy me a Smartcar by Mercedes Benz? My friends all drive Humvees, I gotta make ammends. I work hard and pay taxes, don't pollute like my friends. Obama, won't you buy me a Smartcar by Mercedes Benz?"
President Obama's accountant has advised that he write off his upcoming second term as a loss.
The real reason President Obama is so apprehensive about publicizing his birth certificate is that he doesn't want anyone to know about his fraternal twin, Billy Bob Thornton.
Last American says: "What's the difference between God and Obama? God doesnt think he is Obama."
"What do God and Obama have in common? God does not have a birth certificate either."
Barack Obama was named after his Mother's favorite A-Team character, Mr. B.A. Baracus. Upon his 16th birthday, Obama's Mom bought him a 14 carot solid gold chain that was later pawned in order to buy high-school sweetheart, Michelle Obama a corsiage.