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The TMZ Theocracy: "Why?... 'Cuz I've Got Nice Titties!" Part 5

Updated on September 17, 2009

Then we come to Michael Parks. Here we have the one "celeb" who takes the cake. Yeah he's dumb. But he's also self-destructive and unfortunately it extends to everyone around him. When Michael walks on a set, the production is sure to explode within minutes. Only a fellow lunatic like Tarantino has been able to harness his madness, but that has to be because they must be trying to top each other in madness.

After the success of the 1969 NBC television network series Then Came Bronson, Michael Parks was heralded as the next James Dean. There was one basic flaw to that hype: James Dean played a withdrawn, socially damaged young man on the screen. Michael actually is socially damaged. To the point where he has the social skills of an escaped psychopath. The film roles came fast and furious. He even played Adam in the Bible! But soon the word spread: Mike's out of his ever lovin' mind. So many directors had so much trouble coaxing anything out of him other than production-stunting chaos that the roles stopped coming, and Michael fell into well deserved oblivion for decades, until Quentin resurrected his ghost.

I could write an entire series of Hubs on how Michael made me tear my hair out (which I had ample at the time) on the set. Let's just say that the biggest mistake I ever made was casting him. Dumb, Hal... really dumb....

So what about the others? As I stated previously, all fairly nice everyday people, just like the ones you know at the office or at the PTA.

Annie Lennox has her nose in the air all the time; Graham Chapman was a really friendly guy who seemed almost embarrassed by his Monty Python fame; Howard Hawks had a powerful gravitas that was palpable when he walked into the room; John Candy was a big cuddly bear with the mentality of a lethargic 13 year old; Mickey Rooney is the crazy grandfather who keeps you on your toes since you never know what the hell he's going to say next, (much as Jerry Lewis is now); The Bee Gees are true gentlemen, each and every one (and so unfortunately dogged by tragedy)... as I said, I can go on and on.

These "celebs" have all the foibles that regular people share. Can't fault them for that!

However...

Can we legitimately assign any of these "celebs" the mantle of World Leader? As much as I love(d) Claudio, Meat, Luciano, and Robin, none of them qualify as Philosopher Kings. Claudio lacked advanced education as he had to go out and earn a living with his golden voice at an early age; Meat is the kind of guy you want to have over for dinner, not exactly to swear feudal loyalty to; Luciano was a great singer but too extreme of a glutton (of unpleasantries other than foods) to be a true role model. Robin would come the closest, as he has a truly awesome encyclopaedic mind, but he falls short only because of his pseudo-ADHD which borders on the Paula Abdul-ish (oh look... something shiny outside the window...).

It seems that in the 21st century we have turned meritocracy on its head. We ignore and even ridicule truly eminent minds in literature, science, theology... while bestowing not just fame and riches, but the very power to direct the vectors of the future of society itself to a bunch of numnuts, bozos, morons, skanks and thugs I wouldn't trust to valet park my car.

Shame on us all: TMZ watchers and not!

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