The Top Ten Worst Horror Movies of All Time
Horribly Bad Horror Movies
Some movies are so bad that they make you want to leave the movie theater, grab the remote and switch channels, or fling that DVD against the wall. They have bad lighting, horrible acting, cliched plots, and low budget special effects. They repulse us by their mediocrity.
The problem with these movies is that they are not bad enough. A truly horrible horror movie is a work of art, a paragon of imperfection, an entity. Its sum is greater than its contrived plot and pathetic acting. A horribly bad horror movie is so bad it's good. In fact, so bad its great.
This is the definitive list of the top ten worst horror movies of all time.
Bad B Movies
1. Basket Case
In Basket Case, a baby is born with a parasitic twin. A small, evil parasitic twin the size of a basketball. It grows out of the boy's shoulder. The boys parents decide to save the "normal" twin by having the parasitic twin surgically removed.
The ugly lump of flesh is removed and thrown into the garbage. And the other twin grows up to be a normal young man. A normal young man that keeps his parasitic twin brother in a picnic basket that is!
Through a plot device which is never fully explained, the parasitic twin survived. Despite being little more than a lump of flesh with two mishapen arms, no legs, and no torso, the creature not only survived but was kept by his brother in a picnic basket. Apparently no one in the household noticed his little pet or the fact that the young man was eating enough for two, as he snuck food into his room in order to feed his twin.
Fast forward a few years and now the twins are all grown up. And like all siamese twins separated at birth, in which one twin was brutally removed from the other and thrown into the garbage to die, they dream of nothing else than revenge against the surgical team that separated them.
And so the young man journeys into the city with a picnic basket, to track down the nurses and doctors that performed the operation. He lugs the basket with him (hence the name Basket Case - get it?) all over town as he finds first one nurse and then another. Then the little brother pops out and despite having no legs is surprisingly agile and pretty handy with a knife.
Murderous mayhem ensues.
"She's hot. She's Sexy. And she's sutured to please." When a mad scientist loses his girlfriend to a freak lawn mower accident he decides that the best way to get a new girlfriend is to chop up some prostitutes and make a new one out of spare parts. Stupid mysogynistic trash masquerading as a horror comedy.
3. Cannibal Ferox (a.k.a Make Them Die Slowly)
The subtitle of this movie is "make them die slowly" and the movie certainly lives up to its name. The mindless plot involves some Americans captured by cannibals in the Amazon. There is not much plot except a series of mutilations, eye removals, and gory torture.
Some might call this movie a cult classic for its harsh, cynical portrayal of gore and violence. I call it a messy blood bath of boring horror cliches. For some reason - perhaps the producers had too much money - the movie was actually shot on location in Brazil and in New York. The New York scenes involve a largely unrelated subplot in which a police detective searches for a drug dealer. The artlessly thrown together plots and bad acting elevate this lousy movie to the level of horribly bad.
4. Eaten Alive
This is yet another Italian horror movie with a cannibal theme. Americans venture into the jungle where they encounter cannibals. Eating ensues.
5. Erotic Nights of the Living Dead (1979)
A sleazy zombie cheesefest with horrible dubbing of English over the original Italian dialogue. The mouths are out of synch with the sound which adds to the fun.
A classic in the Euro-Horror zombie genre. Gratuitous sex and horrible acting. So bad its almost good.
6. A Night to Dismember
A female murderer is released from an insane assylum, suposedly cured. Then the body count begins. The film is dreadful on almost every level: the sound is awful (where are the foley artists when you need them?), the cinematography is lousy, the plot and acting are D-grade. The whole mess doesn't make sense, so the director added a narrator that valiantly tries to make sense of the movie and explain the plot to you. The movie must be seen in order to appreciate just how brilliantly awful it is.
In a "making of" feature that comes with the DVD, the director explains that the original master print of the movie was actually damaged in a fire and so they cobbled the remains together into this movie which may explain the gaping plot holes, but not how anyone could produce a movie like this. Truly one of the most horribly bad movies out there.
7. Night of the Bloody Apes
It's the night of the Bloody Apes - well, actually, only one bloody ape. And he's not really all ape, either.
You see, it seems that a mad scientist had a son with a heart defect. So he gives his son a heart from an ape, which naturally turns his meek, weakling son into a ferocious, murdering, sex crazed monkey man. What else would you expect? :)
8. Cannibal! The Musical
This is yet another cannibal horror movie to make the Top Ten List of Horribly Bad Horror Movies.
You may think that the title says it all. But no, there's more.
The movie tells the fictionalized story of Alfred Packer, a real life 1890s pioneer who got lost in the Colorado wilderness and ended up eating his fellow expedition menbers. The story shifts incongruously from schmaltzy musical numbers to gory scenes of human hors d'oeuvres. One reviewer described the movie as "The Musical is Oklahoma meets Bloodsucking Freaks."
9. Gingerdread Man
The ashes from an excuted killer are mixed into some cookie dough and naturally the killer comes back as a huge knife wielding murdering Gingerbread Man. Awesome schlock, made even "better" by the fact that Gary Busey plays the part of the Gingerbread Man. Just try to picture it. The horror, the horror.
10. Santa's Slay
It seems that truly bad horror movies always try to be clever by using an obvious pun in their title. For example: Gingerdread Man, or the awful Santa's Slay, about a murderous Santa Claus.
What's even funnier is that the killer Santa is played by talented actor and former wrestling star Bill Goldberg. Need I say more?