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The Vampire Diaries -- Two's Company; Three's A Party

Updated on March 24, 2012

I saw on Twitter a lot of fans going on about poor Elena and so thrilled Bonnie forgave her and I'm like, gee, guess I'm the only one who thought she was her cold selfish bitch self, per usual. And if you look up the word annoying, you'll find a picture of Caroline there.

Let's talk about the lesser story of the night. Abby's transition into being a blood sucker. Perky little Caroline is playing Abby's mentor. And a worse mentor you could have. What does she know what it is to struggle being a vampire? She struggled two seconds with it before she became the most perfect little vampire in the whole wide world. What does she know about struggle? Damon had freaking vampire lessons from Katherine before becoming and he still didn't get the ropes and needed that blah herb to show him the way to enjoy being a vampire.

Anyway, Little Mary Sunshine on steroids just doesn't get why Abby's feeling all down. Doesn't she understand that being a vampire is like the greatest. You can steal blood from the blood bank like Vampire Barbie just did. She couldn't decide on what type so she took them all. You can beat up vampires older and stronger than you if you're mad. And all the other super duper things Vampire Barbie can do.

I know Abby is hated for being a bad mommy for abandoning Bonnie after taking one for the doppeltwit and losing her powers, but considering what's happened to her life since the doppeltwit showed up on her doorstep, can you blame her for running for the hills? She was living a nice quiet life fulfilling her need to be a mother on a substitute kid when a hybrid shows up at her door and compels her sub kid to off himself if Klaus isn't given back his coffins. Then feeling guilty for being a bad mommy, she goes back to Mystic Falls and is just standing there when she gets blood shoved down her throat and her neck broken. When she wakes up, she's one of the living dead. You know, it's kind of like she did the right thing by running for the hills and never looking back. Look what happened to her when she came back to Mystic Falls.

Bonnie tries to explain why Abby is being a Debbie Downer. See, a witch can feel the earth, and now that's gone, now she's lost her powers by becoming a vampire. And it's at this point it becomes a curse if you have a good memory and a logical mind. I'm like, but didn't she lose that years ago? We're supposed to forgot all about that to make her transition more tragic.

Sub kid, Jamie, is taking a page out of Abby's book, and hiding out in the barn. Dude, you should have left town. Anyway, Perky Little Caroline gives him her being a vampire is the greatest speech and he decides to give Mommy Abby another shot. Bad decision. He isn't with Abby for two seconds and she's taking a chunk out of his neck. See, looking out for yourself and abandoning your family is the smartest move. It'll keep you alive.

Anyway, I don't know if it was biting her sub son in the neck or she's just not that into being a mommy to Bonnie which will mean being in service to the doppeltwit and being called to sacrifice up for her when she does something stupid and needs to be saved. But Abby starts hearing the phantom call of Julie Andrews singing, The hills are alive with the sound of music, and runs for them. Bye, bye, Bonnie. But don't feel sorry for Bonnie. She lost her mommy again, but she's regained the doppeltwit.

Remember in 3.14 when the doppeltwit had Stefan break Damon's neck and then told Damon if he loved her that was his problem? Then in 3.15 she told him to get over it? Well, she kind of pulled the same thing with Bonnie but she didn't have the guts to tell her to give over it, but her actions said it louder than words. She needed a spell to fix Alaric, so she called up Bonnie. Basically, I know your mother died and was turned into a vampire to save me, but I need your help so you need to stop helping her and help me. When Bonnie told Elena she's not mad at her anymore and she's still her bestie, I wanted to puke. That lasted a long time.

Speaking of Alaric, he still doesn't believe he's a psycho killer. While he's taking an MRI he's staring at himself in a mirror when his reflection starts making faces at him. Since he's so fond of calling Damon a dick, let's call his alter ego, Dick. Ric and Dick or Ric is a dick. Anyway, Ric doesn't mention to anyone the little mirror game he and Dick got into. And since everyone is covering for the fact Ric is a psycho killer, he gets to go home. Meredith decides to keep Ric company, which is another bad idea. See, Dick is still a little pissed about Meredith shooting him and goes all Jack Nicholson in The Shining on her and decides Meredith can be Shelley Duvall. Like Shelley, Meredith is a fighter and she manages to battle off Dick till she locks herself in the bathroom, unfortunately it seems Dick managed to stab her and she's bleeding. Oops!

Meanwhile, since this story is all about Elena. Come on, you know it is. That's why Elena's roomie is a psycho killer. So it can be all about her. Anyway, Damon has his one scene of the night with her and he makes the mistake of thinking she's worried about Ric. Only, she's all like, Ric who? She's upset he got Stefan to drink blood. I know people said when Damon made bitchy remarks about her and Stefan that proved he was still in love with her, but I think he was downright disgusted by her. She doesn't like Damon trying to teach Stefan moderation. She wants Stefan back on bunny blood so she can pretend he isn't a vampire and is just an ordinary 160-some year old teenager.

You already heard about what Miss Selfish did to Bonnie. Well, she goes over and spreads her magic to Stefan next. Personally, I think her overwhelming disapproval is what led him to going on a blood binge. Damon comes home and tells him human or blood bag, it's moderation. He also tells Stefan it's time he accepts what he is and owns it.

Anyway, Stefan managed to spend the rest of the episode with Elena. They go to Alaric's loft. Yeah, he still has it, but for some reason he's still living with Elena. While looking for his wedding ring so Bonnie can spell it to cure him, she runs across a little love note from Dick to Jeremy, telling Jeremy he needs to pick up for him if anything happens to him and wipe The Council off the planet. It's at this point Elena suddenly remembers she has a brother, again. People were boo-hooing over the phone call and poor wittle Elena was crying. What I got when Jeremy said, "Hello, stranger," this was the first time she's called him since she had him sent away. He really couldn't wait to get off the phone with her or so it seemed. That's what happens when you never support your brother during his problems and only notice him when his life is in danger. She's was only calling him to see if he'd gone psycho, too, and started killing someone. The ring only makes you kill members of The Council and since The Council is in Mystic Falls, it's obvious he hasn't been killing anyone. Gee, if you used your noggin you could have saved your money and continued to ignore him like you're an only child.

When she and Stefan get home Stefan can smell the delicious scent of blood in the air. Think of it like coming home and smelling something delicious baking in the oven. Dick comes down the stairs and Stefan realizes he's been up to no good and overpowers him. Guess the ring doesn't grant the wearer of superhuman strength. Bummer! Then they rush up and find Meredith near-death on the floor from bleeding-out no doubt. Everyone is crediting Elena's magical disapproving presence for Stefan being able to control himself and giving Meredith his blood to save her life, before booking it home. It couldn't possibly be because Damon's lessons are helping. Oh, no, only the doppelwitch can have credit for that. Rolling my eyes.

Speaking of Damon while little brother was off playing detective with his annoying ex-girlfriend, Damon had his hands full. At the Wickery Bridge restoration ceremony Damon spotted Sage. She told him she was back to find her true love, Finn the suicidal vampire. She explains Finn changed her so they could be together, forever. She also hopes there's nothing going on between him and Rebekah, who she can't stand. He says just hate sex, but he knows Rebekah is up to something and she suggests he sexes Rebekah up to find out.

Damon tracks down Rebekah and does just that. These two are hot together. They've got the best chemistry since Damon and Katherine. And if the show throws it away for this stupid triangle then they're nuts. He invites Rebekah to his place for a threesome.

I actually was looking forward to this threesome, kink-freak that I am, but I wouldn't really call it a threesome. One of the big problems is Damon really seemed to have zero interest in Sage. The one he actually acts like he's interested in, although he claims he's not, seems to be Rebekah.

Rebekah arrives and Damon proceeds to ignore her as he dances with Sage, but he really seems to be just going through the motions with her. He doesn't seem to like it when he sees Rebekah start feeding on the piano player and he comes over to join her. It kind of reminded me of when they were dancing together at the Original Ball and Rebekah wasn't paying attention to him, and he kept it up til he had her attention on him. Damon and Rebekah basically toss the piano player on the floor like a used piece of food and Damon tells Rebekah he doesn't want Sage, he wants her, then kisses her. I know he said it to trick her, but in regards to Sage, it was true. I've never seen Damon so disinterested in a woman as he is in Sage.

Sage saunters in after Damon and Rebekah have made love and Rebekah has fallen asleep. She starts pawing Rebekah's hair as she looks into her mind to find out what Rebekah's up to. Then she strips down so Damon will join her in the shower. I can't believe how hot the scene seemed in the promo and what an absolute dud it was on the show. They were both standing underneath the shower and Damon looked like he had zero interest in the fact that a naked woman was standing inches from him. Sage got Damon to kiss her and let him see what she saw. Damon seemed to get off more on learning what Rebekah was up to then actually kissing her. It was like it was a necessary evil to find out what he wanted to know.

Damon went through the old records and learns the white oak tree was used to make the Wickery Bridge. Sage vows to kill Damon if he tries to kill Finn and he says he won't touch him, but since they're all still linked, Damon is lying. So Sage hustles her butt up to fill Rebekah in on things and the two ancient vampires head out tof the bridge. Damon arrives just as Rebekah has set it on fire and is gloating about foiling Damon's plans again. Damon finally shows some interest in Sage; interest in killing her, but she pulls out I'm an older vamp than you and thus stronger. You know the thing that got thrown away when they wanted newbie vamp Caroline to beat up Damon even though he was older and stronger. But Damon has the last laugh on both of them.

First he tells the weed that Finn isn't looking for her, he's trying to kill himself, so it sucks to be her. Next, he goes home and reveals to Stefan that the sign for the Wickery Bridge is also made of white oak and all they have to do is make some stakes and go kill themselves some Originals.

I didn't want to make up my mind about Sage until I got to see more interaction between her and Damon. I saw it and there's no chemistry there. There's no connection between them that they shared a past together. They really needed an actress in this part that clicked with Ian Somerhalder and had chemistry with him. I was looking forward to this Damon/Sage thing, now I hope she'll be killed off sooner rather than later. She really adds nothing to the show.


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