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The Vampire Diaries -- Why I Don't Like Stefan

Updated on November 28, 2012

I keep seeing Stefan fans on Twitter having a fit if you say negative things about Stefan. They always give me the feeling they just can't fathom how you could not worship at Stefan's feet the way they do. Why you won't free pass him like the writing on the show and they do. They also won't admit how slanted and preferential the writing for Stefan is.

Instead they claim that Julie Plec is obsessed with Ian Somerhalder. That's why he gets all the shirtless scenes instead of their baby Stefan. They don't see that Plec objectifies Somerhalder and treats Wesley with more respect and doesn't treat him like a piece of meat. They also bitterly complain that Damon is the best written character on the show. There's a reason for it. Damon isn't Plec's pet and he gets written with no favoritism like characters like Klaus, Elena, Caroline and Stefan get.

As a fan, it may be great for you when your favorite character never gets called on their crap or held accountable for their actions. But it also makes for a badly written character. It's watching a character struggle that turns an ordinary character into a great character and one of the many problems I have with Stefan is he never really has to struggle. Everything is generally handed to him on a silver platter. He didn't even have to fight to get Elena to forgive him for what he did to her on the Wickery Bridge. She had to prove herself to him and prove she didn't love Damon for him to even consider taking her back. How sick and twisted is that?

One of the big mysteries on this show is why the witches just love love love Stefan when he's never done anything for them, while Damon protected their lineage and they hate Damon and are always trying to make him burn in the sun. Damon was the one who was double-crossed by one of the Bennett witches. They're the betrayers, not him. He protected them and in return they were supposed to help him open the tomb and they went back on their deal. Yet, they act like Damon is the one who double-crossed them. In the past they used Damon to protect their line and in the present they abuse him. Yet they don't do a thing to their beloved Stefan who never did a thing for any of them. It makes no sense and is a perfect example of the slanted and illogical writing that Stefan gets.

The Bennett witches aren't the only characters the worship Stefan just because he's Stefan. Within two seconds of casting her eyes upon Stefan's majestic visage Lexi became devoted to helping him kick his blood addiction. Rose had never even met Stefan before and she told him she'd heard both far and wide how Stefan was one of the good ones. Wonder if she also heard how he slaughtered an entire village in one night when he got his Ripper on? I guess because afterwards he wrote all his victims names on a wall that made him have a pure little heart and nothing he did he should be blamed for.

That's another thing that riles me. Emily Bennett proclaimed that Stefan would be cursed with a pure heart. How is having a pure heart a curse? Even when they claim he's cursed it's with something good. Pure happens to be one of the words they like to have other characters use to describe him. A Ripper is one of the most blood hungry murderous vampires around yet Little Stefan has a pure heart so that makes it okay. Rose declared that Stefan's love for Elena is pure, but if what Stefan did to Elena on the Wickery Bridge is an example of his pure love, you can keep it and stick it where the sun doesn't shine. A more accurate declaration would be that Stefan would be cursed with a heart of darkness, cause I haven't seen anything pure about his heart or his behavior.

That's another thing. Over time I've come to the conclusion that Stefan isn't and never was the good brother. I think his rep as the good brother is based purely on appearance and Stefan proclaiming himself the good brother. As the old saying goes, "Don't judge a book by its cover; judge by the way it behaves." And the way he behaves wouldn't fit the category of good.

If you listen to the way he describes himself to people, you can see how he can paint a fake picture of him being the good one in their minds. He introduced himself to Mason Lockwood as the good brother. He pompously told Caroline that as a human he cared so much about people. In short, he's basically singing his own praises on just how good he is. Generally, if you have to pat yourself on the back declaring how good you are odds are you're not.

The truth is Stefan isn't a reliable narrator. A couple of times when he was telling Elena about the past he twisted the facts and what he said wasn't the truth. He claimed he didn't know that Katherine was involved with both him and Damon and he did know. He also claimed Damon was with him when he attacked The Council and he was alone when he did it. Both lies were obviously to make his past actions look better than they were. So I would take whatever he says about himself with a grain of salt.

The proof is in the pudding and the Stefan pudding isn't filled with good and yummy stuff like he claims it is, especially when it comes to Damon. He admitted to Elena he didn't care if Damon wanted to go to the Founder's Ball with Katherine, all that mattered was that he wanted to. Sorry, Saint Stefan, that's called being selfish. So is manipulating Damon into completing his transformation into a vampire because you didn't want to be alone. I also don't think good brothers constantly put their brother's down so they'll feel they're nothing compared to you and think you're so much better than they are. In short, Stefan's a pretty nasty piece when it comes to his brother.

He also has some very weird and twisted relationships with women. He seems more into killing them than having sex with them. Paul Wesley keeps yapping about wanting a new love interest, but if Stefan got one would he even know what to do with her? With the exception of Rebekah, Stefan seemed to kill more women than sleep with them between his involvement with Katherine and Elena. He stalked Elena and had sex with her without telling her she looked just like Katherine which caused Elena to get in a car accident when she found out. The first gift he gave to Elena was a necklace he found lying on the floor of a bar that had just got raided [he didn't remember it belonged to his ex-girlfriend]. When he made a deal with Klaus to save Damon's life he didn't tell Elena about the deal and just disappeared without her knowing what happened to him. Which was followed by him making Elena think he was going to kill her on the spot her parents died and stranding her there as he took off to have a pity party for himself.

So to recap Stefan as a boyfriend stalks you, sleeps with you without telling you you look like his ex, he gives you jewelry he finds on the floor of a bar, he disappears and doesn't even call you to let you know he's okay, he tries to murder you on the spot your parent died and takes off to have a pity party for himself stranding you on the spot your parents died. Yeah, I can see why the Stefan fans think he's the perfect boyfriend...NOT! And that doesn't even mention the two times he respected Elena's choices that led to her death.

I've actually tried to ignore the minutia the writers have created to free pass Stefan on his many transgressions and get to the crux of the matter to understand why the character acts the way he does. On a logical level I know season 3 was due to Paul Wesley wanting to play the bad boy and Julie Plec catering to him, but as a writer what you write goes into the character's make-up and helps to make up the character as a whole, so motivation for the way he acted in season three has to be derived from the character and who he is as a person. Unfortunately, I had plenty of issues with Stefan before season 3 ever happened.

One of the biggest things I've tried to figure out is why Stefan takes such joy in constantly putting Damon down and making him feel like he's nothing compared to Stefan. It has to come from somewhere. If Stefan truly was the chosen child it makes him pretty petty to try to grind Damon into the ground and make him feel like nothing. It's why I've started wondering if Damon was the favored child and Stefan was always jealous of him. We only saw Giuseppe with Damon and Stefan after Damon deserted the army, and of course, Giuseppe and Damon would have a strained relationship because of that. After that, maybe Giuseppe started to favor Stefan more and he was suddenly treated like the favored son. It might explain a few things that happened in Children Of The Damned.

Stefan was so sure Giuseppe would overlook Katherine was a vampire for him, but Giuseppe drugged Stefan with vervain and used him as vampire bait to trap Katherine. Would you really do something like that to your favorite son? Then you have the way Stefan did what Giuseppe wanted and went and got the men to take Katherine away, even though he supposedly loved her. He didn't even try to get Giuseppe to change his mind, he just did what his father wanted him to do. Perhaps Stefan spent his entire life trying to curry favor and thought by being an obedient son it would make Giuseppe love him more than he did Damon, when Damon was Giuseppe's favorite.

Compare Giuseppe using Stefan to catch a vampire, while he didn't drug Damon and tried to save Damon's life by trying to stop him from going after the men who were taking Katherine away. He also didn't seem surprised by Damon's feelings for Katherine. He also didn't seem surprised that Katherine was a vampire. Is it possible that Giuseppe set the whole thing up?.I mean, he had the vervain all set to slip into Stefan's drink, almost like he expected him to come to him.

We see Giuseppe playing croquet with Katherine and he seems clueless, then he comes up to Damon and Stefan asking if he can depend on them to help with the fight against vampires. Despite Damon's warnings not to go to Giuseppe, Stefan goes right to him and he's got vervain ready to slip into his glass. Then he has men waiting outside his house and the minute Katherine collapses of vervain, he tells Stefan to go get the men to take her away. Then he tries to get through to Damon that he'll be killed if he tries to stop the men from taking Katherine. Did he know Katherine was trying to turn Damon into a vampire and did he set the whole thing up to save Damon? Did he need absolute proof Katherine was a vampire, before he could have her taken away to be destroyed? It does make you wonder.

Whatever the case, if Damon was Giuseppe's favorite, maybe that's where Stefan's jealousy and resentment against his brother started. The way he's always putting Damon down really does seem like it comes from a place of jealousy and resentment. Of course, that doesn't explain Stefan in 1910 suggesting Damon had killed one of their relatives, when it was Stefan who killed their father.

Speaking of which, why didn't Stefan save Giuseppe's life after he drank from him? When Damon took too much blood from Vicky he fed her his blood and it revived her. Stefan didn't have to let his father die. He could have easily fed him his own blood and saved his father's life. We had an episode when Stefan was going to kill himself because he felt so guilty about killing his father that he wanted to end it all. But the fact is after drinking from his father, and completing his transformation, he could have easily saved his father's life. Instead he made the choice to kill him.

See, it's stuff like this that makes it impossible to swallow the show's attempts to sell Stefan as the good guy. When Stefan cut off the head of his first victim while feeding on her, he was horrified. But not horrified enough to get back on his animal blood regime. Instead he did it again and again and again. He even slaughtered an entire village in one night. And again you have the appearance he gives to those around him of him being so remorseful and regretful and guilty he wrote his victim on his Wall of Victims. Yet, if he was all that shouldn't it have been enough to make him stop? It just seems like he was going through the motions to make it appear how sorry he was for what he did, when deep down he wasn't. Almost like he was putting a show on for those around him so they wouldn't think he was bad or evil.

Stefan acts guilty about the heinous things he does, but does he really feel guilty? His actions say no. He didn't apologize to Damon for manipulating him into completing his transition into becoming a vampire until he needed Damon's help to keep Elena safe. So he basically was pulling another manipulation on Damon. By apologizing for what he did, he got Damon to agree to work with him in helping him to protect Elena. He could have taken any opportunity to apologize to Damon, but that he picked that moment to make sure Damon would work with him to keep Elena safe was incredibly manipulative.

And it's not just Damon he does this with. He shoved his blood down Elena's throat and threatened to kill her on the same spot her parents died to get Klaus to give into his demand to get his hybrids out of town. That's why he did it. But in the aftermath Stefan gave some sniveling self-pitying line about how he lost Elena when he left town and she decided that's why he did it and free passed him. The thing is Stefan knew what a big fat lie that was. Elena was chasing Stefan all over the place trying to find him and when she found him in Chicago he's the one who told her to go away. So the only reason he uttered that self-pitying line about how he lost Elena when he left Mystic Falls was to make Elena feel sorry for him after what he just did to her. And if Stefan was so sorry for what he did, he could have given her a ride back to town, instead of leaving her stranded on the spot her parents died.

The whole reason Stefan decided to come home also had some very creepy undertones. He didn't decide to come back until Elena told him she kissed Damon. After that he couldn't come home fast enough. He punched Damon acting all betrayed after what he did to Elena on the Wickery Bridge which was an act of hate not love. He even told Damon he loved Elena, but neglected to tell her. That was followed by breaking Damon's neck because Elena asked him to and when Damon woke-up to make sure Damon knew Elena commissioned his neck being broken and ridiculing Damon for feeling too much [when he generally complains Damon doesn't feel enough.] Ultimately, it seemed like Stefan only wanted Elena back to make sure Damon didn't get her.

That could be the same reason he's never told Damon that Katherine was the one who saved his life in Homecoming and she said she loved Damon. Damon thinks Katherine never loved him and he was a fool for loving her for 150 years. If Stefan is so worried that Damon is a threat to his relationship with Elena, that would be the perfect way to remove the threat. Of course, if he did that there's a chance Damon might get together with Katherine. So Stefan apparently prefers for Damon to continue to think Katherine never loved him. It's almost like Stefan can't stand the thought of Damon having anyone love him or to have anything for himself. That he likes for Damon to feel he's incapable of having anyone love him.

Anyway, Stefan fans can still have kanipchen fits because everyone doesn't buy the surface appearance that they buy as the real Stefan. Actions speak louder than words and I judge Stefan by his actions and not his words of how he's the good one. His actions make me wonder just what kind of a person he really is. Overall, he strikes me as a big phony pretending to be something he isn't. His actions do not go with the appearance he tries to project. His actions are the reason I don't like him and most likely never will.


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