The Worst Movies Ever Made!
Its Not Hard to Find Bad Films...
We've all been to the cinema and either fallen asleep or straight up just walked right out, 'forget the money I paid, this ain't even worth my time'. I've done it on a few occasions, and since I usually write about films that I have loved and will remember for years, its fun to be able to take a look at some of the utter crap Hollywood expects people to watch. This wont be a count down list because to be frank, I think that each and every one of these are rubbish..
So lets begin with a film that I'm sure a lot of people will agree is just terrible filmmaking...
You Guessed it:
The Twilight Saga
Utter madness that this went on for so long. The films were cheesy, awkward, amateur and not in the least bit interesting. Blah blah blah, kill me so I can be with you forever...blah! Twinkling vampires, werewolves that literally use every opportunity to take their clothes off, the entire series is a mess.
Why it made it to cinema's: Teenagers. The book series flew off the shelves, and everyone knows that books that do extremely well will be made into a film at some point. This was no exception. Move producers saw dollar signs after the story was finished, so to keep raking in the cash, they made like what?! 6 Films? Who cares, the point is, films that are made to cater to a teenage audience don't care about redeeming value or even good film making. They care about creating a hype around the characters....the sparkling, pasty, and incredibly boring characters.....
The Wicker Man...
The Wicker Man (Both)
There was a remake of this crap?! Yes there was. The Wickerman is a film that portrays a policeman landing on a small island where the townspeople aren't quite normal and there seems to be something wrong. Yeah the premise doesn't sound that bad, however, the film is a shocking effort at film making, and that includes the remake. In fact, one film that has nearly the exact same plot was a massive success. 'Hot Fuzz' is based around a policeman being sent to a rural town where the people are a close knit community but they all appear a little odd and there's of people dying. The difference between 'Hot Fuzz' and 'The wicker Man' is that the former was a comedy.
Trying to mix the occult with the free spirited hippy theme just did not work here.
Why it made it to Cinema's: Who the hell knows?! It didn't quite make it to all cinema's though, rather made it to drive through's but the cast had to offer to pay critics to see the film. That's usually not a good sign.
The Wicker Man Trailer
Jurassic Park: A Lost Film
Jurassic Park: A Lost World
This film is more of a testament to films series that should have quit while they were ahead, but didn't! I grew up watching the first film, it was spectacular at the time with special effects and the most realistic dinosaurs seen in film. Of course the success of the first gave way to a second, but was simply a waste of time and money.
A major plot hole: a cargo ship lands at the harbor but all the crew are dead and the Dino's still in a cage. How did the ship dock? Who killed the Crew? You'd think this was bad script writing but actually its poor editing as a deleted scene show that a dino had indeed escaped the ship but since it was not shown the boat scene in the film appeared to make no sense at all.
Why it made it to Cinema's: Purely from the success of the first.
Jurassic Park: The lost World Trailer
High School Musicals are Never Fun!
High School Musical
Ugh! Need I say more? Just. Awful.
I get musicals, I do. They're fun, lighthearted and sometimes a great Singalong (that's a shout out to Waynes 'War of The Worlds'). This Film is a cheeseburger wrapped in cheddar and served with cream cheese. It would make you sick.
Why it made it to cinema's: Children love watching colorful, bright and loud films. It's a fact. Of course Disney didn't have to bring that to a whole different level of puke worthy, but there you have. It was actually a success. (I say lowering my head in shame).
High School Musical
The Last Airbender Film... Hopefully
The Real Last Airbender
The Last Airbender
This was a massive let down to fans of the animated tv show, Avatar: The Legend of Aang, which was funny, poignant, and extremely well done. it was hugely anticipated and when the trailer was released for the movie, it looked awesome. A simple scene where Aang practices Air bending but with so much dramatic edge that I wanted to see the film immediately. If only I hadn't bothered. The acting was outrageous, not only did they appear to forget the characters they were portraying, but they were stiff with no comical effects whatsoever. The Tv show's ability to mix moments of utter sadness with instant lighthearted humor was incredible but the film lacked in this.
Why it made it to Cinema's: The Tv show was popular among both children and adults, so the fan base was much larger than the likes of Twilight and High School Musical. It was a sure thing really...If only it had been done right!!
The Last Airbender
And this is the trailer we should have seen:
The Worst Film Ever Made
Indiana Jones: Raiders of the Lost Arc
Film is a narrative, its a story being told through visuals and plot. But when there's no plot, there's a terrible film. Raiders is one such film that really should not have made at all. It tells the story of Nazi's trying to find the Lost Arc that has the powers to take out whole armies. Indie attempts to thwart their plans but in fact only helps them.
Now there are numerous plot holes from the very beginning:
One: Indie snaps a staff with the ability to show where the Well of souls is (?) in half. The only way it shows this location is through its length. A little bit of calculating and the answer is 5 meters. But when Indie holds it up it towers over him. So either Indie is tiny, or the film crew really didn't think it through. After Indie finds the location he breaks the staff in two and leaves both parts for the nazi's to find. Yeah, Im sure that's way too difficult for the Nazi's to figure out.
Two: Indie figures out that the Nazi's are digging in the wrong place (turns out it was too difficult for them) and he digs in the correct place only yards from the Nazi's. None seem to notice Indie digging right beside them.
Three: There literally was no need for Indie in this film. The Big Bang Theory pointed it out that the film could have been made without an Indiana Jones and it would have ended the exact same way. It was actually a story about Nazis being somewhat distracted by a crazy man with a horse whip while they search for the Arc. He's a minor disturbance and in the end the Nazi's find the Arc and their faces burn off, while Indie hangs back taking credit for thwarting their plans.
Four: The submarine Scene! Marion is taken hostage on the U-Boat, and as its about to sail off Indie grabs the top and travels with it. Now two problems with this occur. No way did he stay grabbed onto that boat under water for the entirety of the journey holding his breath. And even if the boat stayed somewhat close to the surface, it was like what, a 50 hour journey? No food, no water that's drinkable and no shelter. The film crew were blanantly lazy when it came to this film.
Just shocking story telling. Continuity and realism are two important aspects of film yet this film had neither.
Why it made it to Cinema's: A Huge Indiana Jones Fan base. A fan base that didn't even notice these huge flaws, instead thinking it was a fantastic film making it one of the most famous films of all time. I disagree. If a film can't hold up the most important aspects of filming, which is simple storytelling, then it deserves the worst movie ever title.
The Big Bang Explains it Perfectly:
Raider of the Lost Ark trailer
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