The best pranks ever - by my brother the prankster
I come from a long line of pranksters, and its fair to say that my dear departed grandmother was the worst of the lot. She was so unpredictable and always thought of ways to play jokes on everyone. Being from Glasgow, she was a regular shopper at "Tam Shepherd's Trick Shop" in the city. She bought just about everything. One of her favourite purchases was little exploding caps which she pushed into the middle of cigarettes, and watched as the smoker's ciggie went bang and all that remained was a burnt butt hanging out of the mouth of her latest prey. Another of her pranks was a sweet that once eaten, left your mouth stained blue for several hours. Everyone went along with her little games. She had a teaspoon with a hole in it, cleverly disguised in the sugar bowl, by the time you lifted the spoon and reached for the cup, there was no sugar on the spoon! She had a little rubber mat with wires coming out of it (hidden under the tablecloth) connected to a small hand held pump. Each time you tried to eat from the plate, she would squeeze the pump and the plate would move. She loved life and she loved to laugh, especially at the expense of others!
I remember one day she arrived at our house for a family dinner, wearing plastic pixie ears. No one even noticed until halfway through the meal, it turned out she'd had them on for the whole day. We were so used to my Gran doing nutty things, that it became commonplace. She was having some building work done on her fireplace one winter, and was thanking the workmen as they were leaving. She put our her hand and as one of the men shook her hand, he was zapped by a small electric current! Another one of her purchases.
Best pranks ever
Following in the footsteps of my Gran, is my baby brother, David aged 42. I knew he would be trouble ever since he was around 10 years old and I was 13. We were in the garden one summer's day in the school holidays looking for something to do. He placed an empty upturned yogurt carton on the grass and dared me to kick it over the fence. I took a long run up to it, kicked it as hard as I could and the pain immediately surged up and down my right leg and eventually settled in my foot. My toes were throbbing and I was hopping around not knowing why. What happened was my little brother had found a metal spike, pushed it into the ground and covered it with the empty carton, stood back and thought it would be funny to see me in agony. I did see the funny side of it around two weeks later when my toes had stopped swelling and I could actually wear shoes again!
It didn't stop there. Oh No! His boyhood pranks continued and became manhood pranks, and he still loves to play jokes on unsuspecting victims to this day. On the morning of my 40th birthday, I opened the curtains when I awoke, and saw a table on my front lawn, laid out with 6 chairs and a load of blow up dolls, all dressed in my clothes, sitting round the table with filled wine glasses attached to their hands. At the time I lived on a very busy street and the passing traffic and pedestrians added to my embarrassment.
David has a friend Robert, and while visiting him one evening, he noticed that he had left himself logged into his E-bay account. David made an excuse to leave the room and ordered him some adult books, paid for them with his paypal account. Robert's wife was extremely upset when Robert opened his mail a week later and three pornographic publications were in the package, addressed to her dear husband. David put it right by explaining that it was he who had ordered them as a laugh.
It's only a joke
Robert and his wife again saw the funny side - eventually, and everything was going smoothly until the start of the Scottish school summer holidays at the end of June this year. David has a caravan in St. Catherine's near Newcastle and decided to play his latest and best prank then. He telephoned Robert and pretended that there was a family fun day where there would be free swimming passes and a tour of the caravan park with barbeques and free entertainment. That was on the Monday night, Robert never mentioned it again and David got on with his week, going to work, spending time with his own children and his wife. On the Saturday morning, the telephone rang and it was Robert. He, along with his wife and ten year old son, had made the three hour journey to Newcastle, found the caravan park and excitedly had made their way to the reception. Robert told David that the receptionist was adamant that there was no fun day on that weekend, or on any other weekend. He firmly believed that the caravan site staff were being awkward and being racist as he was Scottish. He was asked to leave by security, which he did with a very irate wife and disappointed son. They ended up spending the weekend at a guest house near the sea, which incidentally they did enjoy. It never entered their heads that David was to blame or that he could concoct such a story. Instead they still believe to this day that the fault lay with the caravan park and they had something against the Scots! (unless I were to show him this hub!)
There is a huge list of pranks that my brother has played on innocent people, and if I were to write about them all, it would take me years to complete. I remember one time his kids had been playing him up for several weeks, not going to bed when they were told, being cheeky, getting up in the middle of the night and generally being little horrors. He went to bed one night and set his alarm for two o'clock in the morning, crept downstairs and changed all the clock to 8am, even remembering to change the time on the microwave and the dvd player. He woke the kids up and told them it was time to get up for school, that it was 8am and they only had an hour to get ready and get to class. They sat silently like zombies in the dining room eating their breakfast, brushed their teeth and got dressed. David gave them their lunchboxes and kissed each of them, telling them to have a lovely day. He opened the front door, Meghan made a comment on how dark it was, and David told her it was because winter was almost here (it was the end of August!). He chuckled to himself as he watched them walk half sleeping to the corner of the street, by now he couldn't control his laughter and ran after them. Confused, they walked back to the house with them and he told them that it was only 2.45am, they just sat there in amazement. "That's what it feels like, when you have no sleep" he told them both. To this day, his children always go to bed on time, with no arguments and never get up during the night!
I've probably made my brother sound like a bad person, but he is the most kind, loving and greatest brother I could ever wish for. He has helped me so much in my life and has always been there for me and my family. It's true that he is a prankster, and I hope he continues to be because he makes the most of life, fun-loving and full of humour. He always wanted to be famous, so David this is for you. It may only be a hub, you may not get the fame that you crave, but it is dedicated to you - just watch out because there is only 254 days, 8 hours, 6 minutes and 12 seconds until April Fools Day at the time of writing this! After all look what happened to Poor Tom, a prank I played on my partners son in revenge!