The true facts about dress clothes
I'm from the "old school" born and bred. I am not ashamed of my raising. Nor will I apologize for how I look, speak, or carry on a conversation with anyone, shape, size, color, and political affiliation. That's just how it is. And how it will stay.
In my younger days - Sunday was the only day for me to be dressed-up. And by dressed-up I mean clean shirt, Wrangler jeans (if I had any without patches), polished shoes and combed hair. That was my mother's idea of dressing-up. No, I didn't like it one bit, but let me complain to mama and before my feet could go in gear, she had me behind the house--holding me with her left hand and paddling my butt with her right hand. Mama meant for me to respect the Sabbath Day and the Lord when we visited His house.
I do hope that all those times I went dressed-up will count for credit when I get before Him one day and let Him tally-up my life.
Stars and common people who love tuxedoes
Now when we all went to church - there were a few men, African-American and white, who had money enough to buy and wear nice silk suits with lavish ties with Hawaiian butterflies and sunsets that caught my attention. Mama scolded me a lot during church for admiring the men who had suits than the preacher who always perspired too much and would shed his suit before he really got "wound up" with the sermon.
But as time went by and I grew up - those scenes from my small country church stayed with me. I couldn't shake the mental images that followed me everywhere. I did some kind of praying, I tell you, but never got an answer of why these fancy suits were haunting me, a teenager of 15.
So I started studying suits, three-piece and all - until one day my eye caught the glimpse of the prettiest, manliest suit-coat I had ever seen. It was called a Tuxedo. To a rural bumpkin like me, a tuxedo was the top of the line in men's clothing. By the way. I was turning through a Hollywood magazine in the barber shop in our hometown where my dad always got his hair cut by a man named Lloyd. His real name. I never saw Lloyd in a tux. Sad.
With months of secret-studying about tuxedos - I found out some harsh truths. Only the harsh, cold truths that will stop a man in his tracks. So in the following story are some things "you," the men, young and old, should know before you give into your lust for not only owing and wearing dress clothes, but the owning and wearing of tuxedoes as well.
Men who should not wear dress clothes and tuxedoes . . .
Construction workers on the job.
How unproductive this would be.
This might look cute, but after a while, it would grow old quick.
Our armed forces would be the laughing stock of the world.
The poor loggers wouldn't know what to do. So there goes the productivity.
Reasons why certain people cannot wear dress clothes
Face it. Some guys are better off "in their own abode," rather than humiliate themselves wearing dress clothes or a tux at a high brow charity fundraiser.
Dress clothes, and tuxedos, require a "certain" man who knows how to handle wearing dress clothes. A "Regular Joe," off the streets is not familiar with how to stand, how to receive a Scotch on the Rocks from the waiter and other crucial social skills.
Dress clothes are easily torn if the guy wearing them, say a man of country raising, cannot be nimble enough to stay on his feet and not stumble over the furniture.
Eating at a fancy dining table with silver utensils and silk napkins is a hazard for "Mr. Common" when wearing dress clothes or a tux. He is naturally nervous and will ultimately spill some food on his suit and cause the other guests to laugh at him.
Dress clothes, especially tuxedos, are in a high-cost bracket and not just anyone can afford a closet full of fine dress clothes, tuxedoes, silk socks, shoes, and designer ties to fit occasions that accompany the elite of our society.
People who are made for wearing dress clothes and tuxedos
- Tom Lester, the guy who played "Eb," on Green Acres.
- Lester Flatt, of the famous duo, Flatt and Scruggs, iconic Country Music singers.
- Gen. Colin Powell, although he didn't need dress clothes or tuxedos to give his image more power, the dress clothes he wore made him almost invincible.
- Former President, Bill Clinton, and he knew how sharp he looked when he was seen in crowds near throngs of pretty women.
- Tom Brokaw, former NBC news anchorman, Tom was really a "dress clothes man."
- ESPN's Kenny Mayne, what a look Mayne gives himself when he attends such events as the ESPIES, an award given to sports stars by ESPN.
- Vice president, Joe Biden, and folks, for his age, Biden would not look natural without dress clothes or a tuxedo on his back.
Places you or high society should never wear a tuxedo or dress clothes
- Around the house with the wife. Look. You are not at the Kennedy Center, so lounge around in your sports pants, Hushpuppies, sandals or Khaki shorts.
- Hardee's or any fast-food restaurant. Do not cause a commotion. Wear casual clothes.
- Football games or any sporting event. NOTE: maybe a set of dress clothes that does not capture the attention of the fans or players would be okay, but a flashy tuxedo or dress clothes to just sit and watch the sports action, NO!
- Grocery shopping. If you want to look the part of a fool, do it.
- Skydiving, and NO again. Why torture yourself? Skydiving is no place for dress clothes or tuxedos.
- Pig, cattle, or rice farming or any form of farming. Please do not be a dunce. Wear appropriate clothes and not be seen as a dork.
The dangers of wearing dress clothes and tuxedos
- Dress clothes and tuxedos are made of a very slick material, so the one wearing them must not walk on silk rugs or carpets who some foolish millionaire has put in his mansion. Why? Because the soles of the man wearing the dress clothes or tuxedos are also slick and when the two meet, the man in the dress clothes will bumble around and fall--embarrassing himself, his date, and the people in the room.
- There are very sharp edges, or pleats on dress slacks and on tuxedo slacks. These edges are so sharp they might cause a dangerous cut to some woman's shapely leg or some man's shin, so walk easy and you will be okay.
- DO NOT sit down in chairs or couches without first, making sure that your trousers have enough slack in the crotch. If you do not, you will hear a R-I-I-I-I-P-P and guess what? Your pants are torn. Unless your are built like Brad Pitt, make sure you can reach a napkin or towel or have the waiter serving at this event fetch you one and walk you discretely to the men's room.
- If you wear silk socks with the garters that hold them up, you had best be careful because if your shins are, I hate to say this, extra large, one or both garters might break with the extra pressure and be like a projectile--hurting yourself and making you grimace for the crowd.
- Designer black patent leather shoes which are worn with tuxedos have to be gotten used to before you wear them. If you don't, it will look embarrassing for you to slip and slide across the floor and the guests will think you are a World Class figure skater showing them your fluid moves on the carpet.
Men, if you had to, had you rather wear
Men, this has been a fantastic journey talking and teaching you about proper and elite clothing and where and how to wear it.
Now I am far from an expert but I do know a thing or two about fancy clothing. Fact: I had personally enjoy the looks of a great-looking woman who knows how to wear an evening gown and twirl around the room laughing and talking with her guests than I had watch an elderly man who is not comfortable in a tuxedo. Fact: I too, would love to attend an event that called for me to wear a tux and all the works. I would also like to have as my female escort, Jessica Alba in a flashy evening gown. What a night I would have.
But until that time comes . . .I will just wear my sports, jogging shorts, no shoes, or shirt in my house and achieve what all of the other men are striving to do with their wearing of elite clothing:
Thanks for reading my hubs. Hope you all have a great day. And thank you to all of my cherished followers.
Dressing-up in formal clothes are not what they used to be.
No sir. There are lots of things about formal wear for men including the tuxedo that you guys need to know.
And when you know the facts, you are happier and more relaxed at any social function.