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There once was a man from Nantucket and 50 States Limericks-ish (Part One)

Updated on May 19, 2013

Inspired by a recent hubber bullseye813, who wrote; “There once was a man from Nantucket… just kidding! Could any serious writer ever actually write one of those kinds of poems?” Because I rarely flirt with being serious, I smelled a challenge!

Warning: Some are a bit rough.

There once was a man from Nantucket

Who knew not of the hole in his bucket

He filled it with wine

To drink while he dine

When noticed it empty yelled “?” …drawing a blank.


There once was a man from Nantucket

Who saw a lollipop and he snuck it

His girl was surprised

To see its large size

So unselfishly, he insisted she suck it.

There once was a man from the USA?

I wanted to keep going but there are only so many words that rhyme with Nantucket. Out of stubbornness and immaturity, I created a limerick for each state. Here are the first 9 states in alphabetical order:

There once was a girl from Alabama

Who was raised by her Grampa and Gramma

She was so fond of boys

Until caught stealing toys

And hooked up with Bertha in the slamma!


There once was a girl from Alaska

Whose looks made dating a taska

Her only luck

In finding a schmuck

Was agreeing to make love in a maska!


There once was a king from Arizona

Who tragically fell from his throna

“Priapism” said Doc;

He was in such shock

And now forever he’s stuck with a bona!


There once was a man from Arkansas

Who sadly broke his masculine jaw

He whistled at ladies

Who had their own mateys

And now he eats lunch through a straw!


There once was man from Californ-I-A

Who went to the beach almost every day

He was deeply depressed

And could only find rest

When next to nude women he lay!


There once was a girl from Colorado

Who found joy from playing in snow.

Snowmen she built

But felt awkward guilt

When the snowman’s carrot would grow!


There once was a girl from Connecticut

Who sadly had the looks of a mutt.

She found herself trying

But no one was buying

So settled for a squirrel with no nuts!


There once was a man from Delaware

Who liked to dance every day on his chair

It would not have been weird

But sporting a beard

Looked dreadfully funny in thong underwear!


There once was a girl from Florida

Who never knowingly broke a law

‘Til she found out

‘twas illegal to let 'em hang out

Then she rolled them back up in her bra!

To be continued...

There once was a...

Favorite State?

See results

How to write a Limerick

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    • Romeos Quill profile image

      Romeos Quill 3 years ago from Lincolnshire, England

      .... check out James Bryant's limericks if you still like this kind of caper.

      Best Wishes to you and your kids and co.

      R.Q.

    • Romeos Quill profile image

      Romeos Quill 3 years ago from Lincolnshire, England

      Cat; check these beauties out lol!

      Whilst Titian mixed up his rose-madder;

      His model posed nude on a ladder;

      Her position to Titian,

      Suggested coition,

      So he mounted the ladder and had her.

      There once was a man from the zoo;

      Whose limericks stopped at line two.

      There was a young Scot named McAmiter;

      Who bragged of excessive diameter;

      Yet it wasn't the size

      That affected their eyes

      But the rhythm, trochaic hexameter.

      There once was a lassie called Jeanie

      Whose dad was a terrible meanie;

      He fashioned a latch

      And a hatch for for her snatch

      She could only be had by Houdini.

      A bather whose clothing was strewed

      By breezes that left her quite nude;

      Soon a man came along

      And unless I am wrong,

      You expected this line to be rude.

      There was a young man from the coast;

      Who had an affair with a ghost;

      At the height of orgasm,

      The fair ectoplasm

      Cried " Ooh! I can feel it, almost. "

      There was a young man of Devizes;

      Whose balls were of different sizes;

      The one that was small

      Was of no use at all

      But the other was huge and won prizes.

      The limerick is furtive and mean;

      You must keep it in close quarantine;

      Or it sneaks to the slums

      And promptly becomes,

      Disorderly, drunk and obscene.

      It needn't have ribaldry's taint;

      Or strive to make everyone faint;

      There's a type that's demure

      And perfectly pure

      Though it helps quite a lot if it aint.

      Have a nice life!

    • Cantuhearmescream profile image
      Author

      Cat 4 years ago from New York

      Well, I don't let my hubs get 'unfeatured' so it'll be there for years to come :D hehehe! lol

    • shanmarie profile image

      shanmarie 4 years ago

      LMAO! Yes, I suppose we did, but I'll just deny it now. ;)

    • Cantuhearmescream profile image
      Author

      Cat 4 years ago from New York

      If I remember correctly, we have had a public conversation about this before! lol... but I won't stir up any old memories for any new folk walking by!.... lol... all I can say is, thank goodness for underwires! lol

    • shanmarie profile image

      shanmarie 4 years ago

      I don't know, can you? :D lol

    • Cantuhearmescream profile image
      Author

      Cat 4 years ago from New York

      Shan,

      Lol... can we relate to the Florida beach bunny? lol :D

    • shanmarie profile image

      shanmarie 4 years ago

      Okey dokey, Smokey. I have read all you've posted thus far! I love the Florida one!

    • Cantuhearmescream profile image
      Author

      Cat 4 years ago from New York

      R.Q.

      Oh, you came to see my cheesy limericks-ish! :-)

      Oh my lanta! Seriously too cute and funny! I love it!

      Well, by no means am I queen of the limericks, but some days, I just need to be a dork! :-) It feels so much better to laugh and smile than to think about the depressing things.

      I think I'm going to print this bad boy out so I can carry it around with me today... it's adorably funny!

      Good, don't stay away! ;-)

      Truly Yours,

      Cat

    • Romeos Quill profile image

      Romeos Quill 4 years ago from Lincolnshire, England

      Catiet

      I was just messing around with pen and paper,and came up with another one for you - but not as funny as yours!

      There once was a man from Nantucket;

      Stole a chicken,his wife asked to pluck it.

      Oven bird,still alive,jigged a vigorous jive,

      " Girl,make sure that it's dead 'fore you cook it! "

      I can't stay away.

      Yours Truly,

      R,Q.

    • Cantuhearmescream profile image
      Author

      Cat 4 years ago from New York

      Mhatter99,

      Phew... I saw the word embarrassing and thought "No... not the king of the Limerick!" :-) Thanks!!! I'm honored you stopped by and read them! (Though they aren't truly limericks... I might just fix them yet, but then I'll have to change me title ;-)

      Thanks again!

      Cat

    • Mhatter99 profile image

      Martin Kloess 4 years ago from San Francisco

      How embarrassing... to have missed this! and you did such a good job.

    • Cantuhearmescream profile image
      Author

      Cat 4 years ago from New York

      Well thank you much ;-)

    • Romeos Quill profile image

      Romeos Quill 4 years ago from Lincolnshire, England

      Anytime.If I bump into a resort manager,I'l be sure to drop your name if he's worthy to pick it up. :)

    • Cantuhearmescream profile image
      Author

      Cat 4 years ago from New York

      Romeos Quill,

      Ah, thanks... well, I hope you can hear me laughing back! The next time you're at one of those quaint little resorts, don't be afraid to drop my name :-)

      Thanks for swinging by and commenting!

    • Romeos Quill profile image

      Romeos Quill 4 years ago from Lincolnshire, England

      Can'tuhearmelaugh?

      Too many funny ones to choose a best all-rounder,although I'll never think about Florida in quite the same way again!Really zany... I think you would be good at writing for those saucy little seaside postcards you find at holiday resorts (".)....you get my vote.

    • Cantuhearmescream profile image
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      Cat 4 years ago from New York

      chinared,

      Thank you! Yes, I too was familiar with the man from Nantucket when I was a child... and heard a much more colorful version as an adult :-)

      Thanks for stopping!

    • chinared profile image

      Just call me, Rick 4 years ago from Asia, and all over

      Too funny. Last time I heard limericks was from my father when I was a child... haha. Good job. Voted up and funny.

    • Cantuhearmescream profile image
      Author

      Cat 4 years ago from New York

      shiningirisheyes,

      Thank you, I can say, coming from you, it's an honor; you have a great sense of humor! I think I've heard daddy's version before but if he can do it with an Irish accent, that'd be hilarious!

      Thanks so much for the comments and the follow!

      Cat

    • shiningirisheyes profile image

      Shining Irish Eyes 4 years ago from Upstate, New York

      Very very funny my friend! I thoroughly enjoyed this. The title caught my eye as my Dad had quite a funny version of Nantucket. But I don't want to get banned so I will keep it to myself.

      Happy to be following

    • Cantuhearmescream profile image
      Author

      Cat 4 years ago from New York

      GinnyLee,

      Thank you! Yes, I must do all 50 states, once I start something I have to finish it (the seccond edition will be up soon). Different countries? That could be a challenge... I didn't realize how many states have endings that don't rhyme with anything! Ahhh, it's forcing me to get creative. Hey, ya never know... I might just be able to find enough geography to keep me busy for a lifetime!

      Thanks a bunch!

    • GinnyLee profile image

      Ginny 4 years ago from Arlington, VA

      Very entertaining! +1 for creativity! Are you planning on all 50 states? Maybe even different countries?

    • Cantuhearmescream profile image
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      Cat 4 years ago from New York

      KoffeeKlatch Gals,

      Thank you very much, I'm honored! I crossed my fingers when I published it but my fellow hubbers have a better sense of humor than I give them credit for!

    • KoffeeKlatch Gals profile image

      Susan Haze 4 years ago from Sunny Florida

      HaHaHaHa, I'm still laughing. Loved it. very creative. I'm looking forward to the rest of the states.

    • Cantuhearmescream profile image
      Author

      Cat 4 years ago from New York

      MizBejabbers,

      Thanks! Hey, you don't have a face for radio! That certainly explains a lot, when in the company of men so often. I was raised with only brothers and have belonged to a fire department for almost 15 years, so it isn't easy to make me blush :-)

      Thanks again!

    • MizBejabbers profile image

      MizBejabbers 4 years ago

      Cat, loved your answer to my feedback. Sweet face, indeed! FYI I spent 20 years in radio in a dog-eat-dog man's world. I don't think there is a thing I haven't seen or heard -- or possibly even done in self-defense, so thanks for the compliment. I guess there are a few surprises left in my world.

    • Cantuhearmescream profile image
      Author

      Cat 4 years ago from New York

      Lol, any good king should be!

    • wayne barrett profile image

      Wayne Barrett 4 years ago from Clearwater Florida

      Lol...only if he's, Bona-fied!

    • Cantuhearmescream profile image
      Author

      Cat 4 years ago from New York

      Wayne,

      Oh boy am I honored! Thank you for stopping back as I would've hated to miss your stopping by! Well they certainly don't pull at the heartstrings like your writings, but I'll take a chuckle any day :-)

      The man from Arizona might not be so happy but I'm guessing he's popular with the ladies ;-)

      Thanks again!

      Cat

    • wayne barrett profile image

      Wayne Barrett 4 years ago from Clearwater Florida

      I'm glad I double checked...I tried leaving a comment here yesterday during the HP fiasco and wasn't sure if it went through. This was really funny...of course I've heard some other versions : O I especially liked the Arizona rhyme.

    • Cantuhearmescream profile image
      Author

      Cat 4 years ago from New York

      Colin,

      Gee, a woman who won't stop screamin' and a klutzy cat; I don't know how you function! I am the one who is lucky ;-)

      Perhaps you ought put the cat in a padded room the next time you attempt to slumber :-)

      Cat

    • epigramman profile image

      epigramman 4 years ago

      ....well with that last line I count myself as the luckiest man in the world.

      Just woke up from nightshift sleep (actually Gabriel Bin Laden did it for me by knocking stuff over; I'd hate to see him in a china shop, lol) and I am having my first wake up coffee with Rachmaninov's Vespers.

      lake erie time 1:36pm

    • Cantuhearmescream profile image
      Author

      Cat 4 years ago from New York

      Oh boy Colin, I'm sure glad I checked my email, your comments were awaiting my approval and so not displayed on this page until I did so.

      You are the king of the limerick let me tell you! Boy oh boy, you can make something so nasty and cute at the same time. I'm laughing so hard I almost choked! Let me clear my throat...

      I certainly hope you're pulling my leg with your run in with the law, but either way it's too funny. You must be careful, driving on the wrong side of the road at a high rate of speed can be very dangerous. You realize if you were ever to get hurt, I would have quite a distance to travel to nurse you back to health? ... or bail you out of the slammer ;-)

      Thank you so much for making my day... as usual my dearest Colin... I had all I could do to survive without you yesterday.

      Your kitty Cat, the only one with two legs that you can make purr!

    • Cantuhearmescream profile image
      Author

      Cat 4 years ago from New York

      Oh Colin it is you! Hey, guess what, this made it through!

      I am certainly no match for you but I'll take the compliment!

      It sounds like you are in an absolutely peaceful state... Muddy Waters and 8.8%, how can this day go wrong! I'm glad you enjoyed!

      Et, moi aussi!

      Cat

    • epigramman profile image

      epigramman 4 years ago

      I hope my limerick is not unapproved , lol.

      Love your hotness Cat when it comes to being funny and sexy - I thought I was the ONLY funny and sexy one at the Hub but I have met my match in hub heaven , as they say.

      You made me laugh here and you made me cry from laughing and I am listening to Muddy Waters now after my workie poo drinking a stout from Sri Lanka topping off at 8.8% alcool-hall (lol)

      lake erie time 5:54am I only have eyes for youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu

    • epigramman profile image

      epigramman 4 years ago

      Hopefully you received my feeble attempt at a limerick but the real story is I drove all the way home at a high rate of speed on the wrong side of the road (and the law) to get home to you. (after night shift) (and before sun-up to leave impressions on your lovely neck and join me in eternity here at Hubland as King and Queen 0f the 22 century of literary giants (that we are)

      Well to get back to the 'real' story , naturally a cop pulled me over for driving at a high rate of speed on the wrong side of the road - and before he could say -"Son what in the hell were you thinking?" I blurted out in a sheer panic attack - "Cat!!!!! I have to get home to Cat, Officer!"

      He lowered his sunglasses (at night) and said "Son you best be getting home to your Pussy- CAT" And so here I am at home now saying how to cat 1 and cat 2 - Tiffy and Gabriel but the real cat I have in my mind is .......................

    • epigramman profile image

      epigramman 4 years ago

      There was a young woman from Nantucket

      Her name was Cat and she could suck it

      But before you call her Deep Throat

      Please sit up and take note

      The popsicle melted before she could say Fook-it!

    • Cantuhearmescream profile image
      Author

      Cat 4 years ago from New York

      stacytm,

      Aw thank you! Actually, I must just be warped because they just kind of flowed out of my head and onto the computer. I've always been into short and quick little rhymes. I'm certainly no professional poet.

      I am eager to continue but I was sort of testing the waters and seeing how people would react to these. I think the coast might be clear :-)

      Thanks a lot!

      Cat

    • stacytm profile image

      stacytm 4 years ago from London

      Haha this so good, must have taken you a long time to do each one! Keep going, you can do it! :)

    • Cantuhearmescream profile image
      Author

      Cat 4 years ago from New York

      Paul Kuehn,

      Thank you, woo hoo! Every time I come over to check a comment I squint my eyes and cross my fingers to see who I've possibly insulted... but alas, I found my kind of people! I guess knowing the "colorful" version before reading mine probably saves me. I'd love to hear the city limericks... I'm trying to think of what rhymes with Dallas and Racine...

      Thanks so much for stopping and sharing!

      Cat

    • Paul Kuehn profile image

      Paul Richard Kuehn 4 years ago from Udorn City, Thailand

      This hub is hilarious. I learned the Nantucket limerick a much more colorful way when I was in a fraternity in college. We also had limericks for cities like Dallas and Racine. Voted up and sharing.

    • Cantuhearmescream profile image
      Author

      Cat 4 years ago from New York

      Mizbejabbers,

      Thank you! First I have to say that I love a lady with a sense of humor and second, I saw your sweet, beautiful, gentle face and said; "No! How did she end up over here; she is going to let me have it!" I'm so used to getting the "Well, I never!" from women that I chuckle at those who chucle with me. So thank you for chuckling with me :-)

      You probably know the rules to a limerick more than I do. Honestly, I thought a limerick was just a short rhyming poem until after I wrote these (oh there's rules for these things?) I did wonder if I broke my third line into lines 3 and 4 and maybe make an adjustment, if I'd have some limericks. Then I figured that I'd have the rhythm wrong or something and as soon as I claimed them "limericks" again a Limerickician would be on the first flight over here to tell me I'm sadly mistaken! You might be right, perhaps I should investigate before submitting my next installment ;-)

      I had heard the "dirty" Nantucket limerick before, though I didn't have it memorized. I actually looked up the origin of the original Nantucket limerick because I thought it might be a good way to open my hub. Of course, all I could really find was version after version of the dirty one and some others' attempts at a different kind of dirty. That would be nice to know if there is child-friendly ones from years ago.

      Thank you so much for stopping, laughing and sharing your comments with me!

      Cat

    • MizBejabbers profile image

      MizBejabbers 4 years ago

      Cantuhearmescream, I was looking at your limericks and at first I thought some of them weren't technically limericks, but I think they all really are. On some you combined lines 3 and 4, but your end of what should technically be 3 rhymed with the end of what should technically be 4. Just split those and you will have a 5-line limerick. For instance in the Arkansas limerick:

      He whistled at the ladies,

      Who had their own mateys.

      They're short, but that's usual to have the 3rd and 4th lines shorter than the other three. You basically know what you are doing, and you are doing a heckuva job! I'm no poet, but I love to write limericks and I really enjoyed yours. They’re so funny – I love them. I laughed at your Arkansas limerick because that’s my state. Loved your video, too!

      By the way, I think I may know the origin of the Nantucket limerick, in case anybody is interested. When I was a kid in elementary school (back in the dark ages) we had this book of limericks and kid’s poetry at our school. (Billybuc, I hate to rain on your parade.) I wish I could remember the name of the book, but it was the favorite of the school. Anyway, it had what I believe to be the original Nantucket limerick. It was a child’s limerick, and this one has been modified for adults.

      Keep ‘em coming, I can hardly wait for your next installment.

      Voted you up++.

    • Cantuhearmescream profile image
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      Cat 4 years ago from New York

      Natashalh,

      Aw thanks a lot. (But I must tell you, I found out that these aren't technically limericks so I retitled it "...Limericks-ish" so as not to offend any Professional Limerickicians)

      Thanks for stopping and thanks for the laughing with me!

    • Natashalh profile image

      Natasha 4 years ago from Hawaii

      Very funny! Great limericks =)

    • Cantuhearmescream profile image
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      Cat 4 years ago from New York

      Leslie,

      Boy am I honored that you graced my silly little pages... is the world ending tomorrow or something?

      Ohhhh... that's it, it was on the tip of my tongue but I couldn't spit it out!

      These certainly aren't the magical lyrics you compose, but hey, they're funny in my world... the people like me there ;-)

      Thanks a bunch!

    • ImKarn23 profile image

      Karen Silverman 4 years ago

      lol

      LOVE Alaska and Arkansas...

      What a great idea for a series of awesome - and funny - limericks!

      (Btw..Ummmm...F*** it rhymes well with nantucket, no???)

      just sayin'...lol..

      voting/sharing Cathy!

    • Cantuhearmescream profile image
      Author

      Cat 4 years ago from New York

      RBJ33,

      Aw thanks! That's a heck of limerick!!! I like it... I like it a lot!

    • Cantuhearmescream profile image
      Author

      Cat 4 years ago from New York

      Crystal,

      Thanks a lot! I'm glad you found them funny and not repulsive. Georgia is next on the list and I was actually going to keep going but Georgia and Florida both have the same sound at the end and I didn't want to get too repetitive, so I figured that would be a good place to break it. Georgia is going to be at the very top of the next one! Thanks for stopping... and enjoying!

    • Crystal Tatum profile image

      Crystal Tatum 4 years ago from Georgia

      Love it! I can't wait to read the one about Georgia!

    • profile image

      RBJ33 4 years ago

      There was this girl in New York

      Whose talents she did uncork

      She wrote such good hubs

      My heart she did rub

      Did this girl in New York

    • Cantuhearmescream profile image
      Author

      Cat 4 years ago from New York

      mr-veg,

      Aw thanks! Yeah... me and my rhymes. I'll have to get back to some real writing soon. This is just where my brain likes to play in the wee hours of the morning. :-)

    • Cantuhearmescream profile image
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      Cat 4 years ago from New York

      Billy,

      Thanks! Yes I know about the lucky man from Nantucket... I'm already preparing to dodge tomatoes for my version :-)

    • mr-veg profile image

      mr-veg 4 years ago from Colorado United States

      Cat you did it again :) You are getting populat with your rhymes out here :) Nantucket with his bucket and lollipop is all funny and awesome and then follows the states making it more rich and awesome :) As always your insomnia paid off :D you are simply awesome !!

    • billybuc profile image

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      I gotta tell ya, that's not the way I learned the Nantucket limerick. LOL Ours was much more colorful.

      Great job and thanks for the laugh this morning.

    • Cantuhearmescream profile image
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      Cat 4 years ago from New York

      James-wolve,

      Thank you, thank you! Let us just hope people have your sense of humor :-0

      You have a nice day as well!

    • James-wolve profile image

      Tijani Achamlal 4 years ago from Morocco

      All of them are awesome.You did a good job there:)I am sure many people will give you a standing ovation.

      Have a nice day!

    • Cantuhearmescream profile image
      Author

      Cat 4 years ago from New York

      James-wolve,

      Aw gee thanks! I was biting my lip and waiting to see if people were going to burn me at the stake for this. Thanks again :-)

    • James-wolve profile image

      Tijani Achamlal 4 years ago from Morocco

      Very creative and hilarious.My favorite one is Man from Nantucket.Of course others are good too:) Thanks for sharing.I voted up