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Things "I" Would Love to Say on an Episode of COPS

Updated on March 1, 2015

"Stop and read!"


COPS is history

On March 11, 1989, John Langley and Malcolm Barbour started something big. Something phenomenal. And it's still with us today in 2015. COPS. If you haven't seen this true reality show, you are probably the only U.S. citizen who hasn't seen this all-action, all-as-it-happens show just made for television.

I hate to say this, but as much as I loved those cop shows like "Highway Patrol, with Broderick Crawford," "Dragnet, with the late Jack Webb and Harry Morgan," I can safely say that I love COPS a bit more. Not due to bad acting and scripts on these "television icons," but because COPS presents a crime moments after it happens and chasing the criminal or criminals down alleys, over bushes, and through parking lots to just do their jobs. There is never two shows just alike. COPS presents a show featuring a different police department from a different city each week. I like that.

Calling in the crime
Calling in the crime
Cops on the chase
Cops on the chase
Girl talks to cops about a crime that was committed
Girl talks to cops about a crime that was committed
No more breaking the law
No more breaking the law

COPS' stars are the cops

COPS has no "stars," to suck-up the limelight. With COPS, the cops are the "stars," and he work they do each day that comes. Maybe, honestly speaking, to them their jobs are boring, but not me and the millions who are addicted to this show on a weekly-basis. To dare to use and overkilled phrase, you never know where COPS will be next.

Now do not think, if you are a first-time viewer, that COPS is just a team of "men (and women) in blue," cutting ribbons at a grand opening, accepting a medal of valor and mostly "safe" things, for it's not. It is so far away from "safe," that your mouth will drop open as a cop chases a drug dealer in his tricked-out SUV never stopping for traffic lights and suddenly the camera cuts to the SUV rolling on its side and the cop using his radio to call for back-up and an ambulance. FACT: This show brings out a fact that society shuns many times: Cops are not just there for the arrests they make. They care for even the most-evil of criminals.

How  things have changed
How things have changed
Let me see your hands
Let me see your hands
The look of authority
The look of authority
On the beat
On the beat


From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Not to be confused with 'COPS' (TV series), the 1988–1989 animated TV series, or 'Top Cops', a 1990–1993 CBS reality TV series.
March 11, 1989 – present

  • Cops (stylized as COPS) is an American documentary/reality legal series that follows police officers, constables, sheriff's deputies, and federal agents during patrols and other police activities including vice and narcotics stings. It is one of the longest-running television programs in the United States and in May 2011 became the longest-running show on Fox with the announcement that America's Most Wanted was being canceled after 23 years.[3][4] It follows the activities of police officers by assigning television camera crews to accompany police officers as they perform their duties. The show's formula follows the cinéma vérité convention, with no narration or scripted dialog, depending entirely on the commentary of the officers and on the actions of the people with whom they come into contact.
  • Created by John Langley and Malcolm Barbour, it premiered on March 11, 1989. It won the American Television Award in 1993 and has earned four Emmy nominations.[5] When it expanded to show two episodes in the 8 p.m. hour, it was called Primetime Cops in promos for several years. The series was one of only two remaining first-run prime-time programs airing on Saturday nights on the four major U.S. broadcast television networks (along with CBS's 48 Hours Mystery) at the time of its cancellation in May 2013.
  • For 25 seasons, Cops was broadcast by Fox (with repeats from earlier seasons syndicated to local television stations and other cable networks, including truTV and G4). [6] In May 2013, Fox canceled Cops, and Spike picked up the show for two more seasons, in addition to reruns of previous seasons.[2] The 26th season of the series premiered on September 14, 2013, [7] and the 27th season of the series premiered on July 12, 2014.[8]
  • The show has followed officers in 140 different cities in the United States and in Hong Kong, London, and the Russian Federation. Each episode is approximately 22 minutes in length and typically consists of three segments, with each segment being one or two self-contained police incidents.

The show's theme song is "Bad Boys", performed by reggae group Inner Circle.

Cops removing a snake from a resident's home
Cops removing a snake from a resident's home
Cops collecting information
Cops collecting information
K9 Unit on the job
K9 Unit on the job
Keystone Cops were not cops. They were for comedy scenes on vintage movies
Keystone Cops were not cops. They were for comedy scenes on vintage movies
Light 'em up
Light 'em up
Proud to protect and serve
Proud to protect and serve

But mind you that the criminals that appear on COPS are real. The cops are real as well. There is no "smoke and mirrors." What you see on COPS is completely-real.

So what would happen if "I" were to beg my way to appear on an episode of COPS? Well, I have a hilarious trick up my sleeve. You should appreciate it. I call it . . .

Things "I" Would Love to Say on an Episode of COPS

EXPLANATION: I would be playing as a non-harmful criminal with the show's cameraman holding his camera on me most of the time.

  • "Hey, copper! I didn't know that pigs could run that fast!"
  • "Please, "Mr. Police," may I run to town and get you a dozen Krispy Kremes?"
  • "Here, arrest me. I do not want you to run so much you will get a heart attack."
  • "Sure, I will squeal on several drug kingpins on this block, but first, may I have some pizza?"
  • "Why am I not high? Simple. I do not do drugs."
  • "Mr. Officer, do you mind if I drive your cruiser while you run the siren?"
  • "I can do several magic tricks to distact the criminal, sir, if that will help."
  • "Mr. Cop, may I use your CB radio to talk to my trucker pals?"
  • "Hey, there's some of my friends. Let me throw this ruined apple at them."
  • "Will your cruiser really go 120?"
  • "Care if I sing you some cowboy songs?"
  • "Officer 'Gilbert,' watch this: Hey, pretty girl. We'll be back to pick you up later."
  • "You favor Capt. Kangaroo, sir. People ever tell you that?"
  • "Are we going to stop soon for lunch? You can buy me some fresh barbecue! Yummmmmmm, what a treat. Pork with fresh pork and beans, salad and some tea."
  • "Hi, COPS' fans. Does my wardrobe look okay?"
  • "Now, 'Officer Handley,' you are not permitted to bash my head with your nightstick."
  • "Hey, let's get out of this stuffy car and do some healthy jogging. And you could use some, 'Officer Joe."
  • "Will the captain care if I take a few apples from the front of that grocery store?"
  • "Why didn't you give me a badge? Do I look like 'Goober Pyle?"

Producer: "Cut. That's a wrap."

Thank you, friends, for watching my first appearance on COPS.

Look and see if you see me in this video


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    • kenneth avery profile imageAUTHOR

      Kenneth Avery 

      3 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama


      Me either. That is why this is in a comical tone. Oh, some of my local officers would laugh too, but not all.

      God bless you my friend.

    • vkwok profile image

      Victor W. Kwok 

      3 years ago from Hawaii

      I'd never be able to say those things to a cop.


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