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Things That "I" Can Do Far Better Than Gordon, Woods, and Gates

Updated on April 21, 2016
Jeff Gordon.
Jeff Gordon. | Source

Be forewarned.

I am not that comfortable presenting this hub in this fashion. Why? Because of the fear of being labelled a "egotistical beast," which would crush me to pieces. Sure we are all cursed with the endless flaws of being fleshly beings, but I try very hard to not be self-centered or think of "me" too highly. I have committed this sin in younger years and there were sad consequences.

Not this time. I am just going to write this hub from being inspired from a film clip I happen to see on ESPN and went from there. But if any, and I do mean ANY of you are offended, turned-off, or given a nauseated stomach by reading this, I apologize to you ahead of time.

Gordon's No. 24.
Gordon's No. 24. | Source

Gordon Woods, and Gates beyond describing.

Jeff Gordon, four-time Points Champion in NASCAR. Tiger Woods, once the Best Golfer in The World. And Bill Gates, the richest person in the world and with the help of many dedicated people, developed Microsoft which we all use today.

I cannot say anything new about these three guys that have, without doubt, made their deep mark in society, so to save time and space, I will not try. Their accomplishments are legendary. All three (used to) hire master carpenters to build bigger, wider and deeper trophy cases in their mansions that far overshadow any structure in the part of Alabama where I reside.

No introduction needed.

Jeff Gordon. Again.
Jeff Gordon. Again. | Source
Tiger Woods swinging.
Tiger Woods swinging. | Source
Tiger Woods stares at drive.
Tiger Woods stares at drive. | Source
Microsoft designer, Bill Gates.
Microsoft designer, Bill Gates. | Source
Gates smiling.
Gates smiling. | Source
 Elin Nordegren, Tiger Woods wife  from 2004 through  2010.
Elin Nordegren, Tiger Woods wife from 2004 through 2010. | Source

So there it is.

My humble, and yet-soul-stirring introduction to my newest piece . . .

Things That "I" Can Do Far Better Than Gordon, Woods, and Gates

Writer's note: The points below ARE all true. Not a series of comical remarks - - Kenneth).

  • Jeff Gordon has never seen the day that he could devour an entire of hot dogs (without buns) microwaved for a fast snack.
  • Jeff Gordon has never made a three-month old baby laugh just by looking into its eyes.
  • Jeff Gordon has never portrayed the late Don "Barney Fife" Knotts in my Kudzu Playhouse (along with three great friends: Rev. Clint Padgett, Shelby, N.C., Exie Williford, Gardendale, Al., and Tommy Roby, Hamilton, Al. in one of our "Mayberry" productions with new scripts.
  • Jeff Gordon has not and will not sit through an entire "Mayberry Marathon," that ran from 8 a.m. until 10 p.m., on one certain New Year's Eve.
  • I can best Tiger Woods in watching classic movies night and day for long periods of time without going to the bathroom.
  • Tiger Woods may have been "The Best Golfer in The World," but he could not touch my abilities of playing tag football in my backyard and the backyards of my buddies.
  • Tiger Woods will never live to eat as many (baked) hot wings as I have.
  • Tiger Woods obviously does not possess the suave manner of talking and listening to Swedish women as I know that if given the chance, I could make him bow his head in shame.
  • Bill Gates would embarrass himself against me in a match to catch as many Sun Perch in an allotted time.
  • Bill Gates cannot control his wild behavior (when frustrated) as I can. And I "have" met with many frustrating situations.
  • Bill Gates cannot begin to be as good as I am, or my grandson, Gabriel, in shooting targets with our air rifles.
  • I look much better than Bill Gates with a shaved head.

Note: Although I do enjoy my being better at the four areas than these three super star celebrities. But my feeling of victory is always short-lived, for I am glad to hand over the credit to my Maker, our Heavenly Father, who allowed me to excel in these areas.

Who's next?


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    • kenneth avery profile image

      Kenneth Avery 24 months ago from Hamilton, Alabama

      Hi, JG Hemlock,

      I m so glad that you agree with me. Oh, the little baby? She is the first born of our pastor's eldest daughter and she is a masterpiece of God's handiwork like all babies, and my first goal was to make her laugh. I haven't got the best track record with babies.

      I love the Hebrew name for Jesus, Yeshua. Yahavey, I think is how you spell God in Hebrew.

      Hebrew is a lovely language.

      I pray, JG, that you have a safe and peaceful weekend and please write me anytime. Deal?

      Love, Kenneth

    • JG Hemlock profile image

      JG Hemlock 24 months ago from VISIONS AND DREAMS

      Yes, our Creator gets all the Glory for the goodness which is inside us! And I sure do love that you can make a 3 month old laugh just by looking into a tiny set of God's eyes. I get that one and it always makes me laugh and cry when it happens. :) Yeshua bless you much!