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Things That Waitresses Can Stop Doing at Any Time Now

Updated on April 26, 2013

Oh My God! Not Refills?!!

Let's eat, shall we?

Dining out is something we all do, some more than others, but I personally enjoy it and consider it a “night out”; that’s what happens once you have kids. Now, I know there is a difference between waiters and waitresses but I would prefer to address my concerns without having to resort to using “waiters/waitresses” each time, so I will stick with waitresses, though it is not biased and as far as I’m concerned, they’re both equal.


“There is no sincerer love than the love of food”

~ George Bernard Shaw



"What'll it be?"

Meet Gladys, she can't wait to take your order!
Meet Gladys, she can't wait to take your order!

"How is everything so far?"

I'd prefer a Diet Pepsi but I'll take a water if it makes a difference?

Did she just take my plate from me?

See?

Do I look like I'm done eating?

“All sorrows are less with bread.”

~ Miguel de Cervantes

What's my beef?

First, I would like to say that I am not a waitress critic; waitresses are great but I’m paying for my food and I’m paying for my service. Please try to keep these things in mind Mrs. Waitress lady.

Seating, sometimes this is the job of the waitress and sometimes the hostess, but can you at least ask my opinion? I don’t understand why, when there is a restaurant full of dozens of empty seats, you want to place me in the middle, for all other diners to gawk at as their entertainment while eating. Are the better seats reserved for more important customers? How do you know that's not me? What's throwing you off, my gold teeth and fanny pack? No, thank you… I’d rather have a booth.

Oh boy, this one I can’t stand. When I first receive my plate of food, I am terrified to take a bite. Why, you ask? I know that you will be making your rounds and will stop to ask “How’s everything”? So I stall, I figure, maybe this one’s a roadrunner and she’ll be back quickly, I’ll answer her just based on the atheistic appeal of my meal. But no, you don’t show up. The coast appears to be clear and I go in for a bite. Yes, a big ol’ I’ve been waiting for my food for a half an hour and haven’t eaten since the last meal, I’m starving and this looks and smells so good, whopper of a bite… and what happens, you show up? “How’s everything?” So, I violently shake my head as I try to poke my food the rest of the way into my mouth and mumble something of a “Goog, gery goog, gank gou”. Thanks for making me resort to my caveman grunting.

I don’t mind being touched, really, sometimes I even enjoy it and I have a bit of a tendency to compromise others’ bubbles from time to time, that’s who I am. But if you touch me, touch me because you mean it, not because you’re working on a tip… oh and while you’re at it, please don’t touch my husband, I’d like his attention through the rest of the meal.

Please don’t make me die of thirst. It’s almost a given that I will need two drinks while I’m dining out. One drink will be almost entirely consumed as I am waiting for my food to be brought out and then I will need one to work on when my meal finally arrives. I’m certainly going to need fluids to wash down my meal, so, despite that fact that you’re busy, at your earliest convenience, I’d appreciate a refill.

If my plate is not empty or if it is not pushed out from underneath me and slid toward the end of the table, I’m probably not done eating! The fork in my hand that is repeatedly traveling from my plate to my mouth should settle any confusion. Please do not take my plate! It is really quite embarrassing for me and probably you, when you make me slap your hand like a child or play tug of war with you. Yes, if I am putting resistance on my plate, then let it go… I’m not done. Are you trying to tell me something?

Wash your hands please… I know you’re aware of the yellow rectangular sign posted by the sink, or should I say mirror in case you’re more familiar with that device? I’m assuming you can read being that you have to write various food items on your trusty little notepad so I’m guessing you’ve read that Hand Washing sign at least once since you’ve started your waitressing career? This would not have been a second thought had I not been a witness to this major insubordination. I one time was on my way into the bathroom as another woman was on her way out, from the stall door to bathroom door, never even a pit stop at the sink. I didn’t think much other than, “That lady’s gross”, until I got back out into the restaurant to see here through the kitchen window, handling food! Yes, I did speak to the manager.

Please don’t bring my check while I’m still eating. This makes me feel like you’re anxious to get rid of me. What if I want a cup of coffee or a piece of cake? Please don’t ask me if I’m going to want anything else while I still have half a plate of food in front of me. Um, I dunno, I might need another Diet Pepsi down the road and depending on how full I am after I’ve eaten; I just might want some dessert. Perhaps I will have a coffee, I don’t know, should I pull out my crystal ball and see what the future will bring?


Will there be room for dessert????

Are you calling me a liar?

Please don’t argue with me and please, there is no need to be defensive. I understand you must deal with rude customers all day, but despite how irritated I get with you, I will never be rude or disrespectful, it will just make for interesting conversation on the drive home from the restaurant… “Oh my God, could you believe that waitress? She sucked!” I one time ordered a Greek Pizza; it had been the first time I saw it as a menu item and the idea of pizza with some feta cheese, spinach and tomatoes sounded like a new and different treat. I placed my order and the waitress replied that it was a “fine choice” and I was very much anticipating her bringing it out. When the pizza was brought to my table, I was particularly disappointed as I could not see any obvious signs of feta, tomato or spinach. I thought to myself that perhaps it is all done in a sprinkled on form and though that was not what I had in mind, I was hungry as a hippo and ready to dive in. Hmm, funny, I’m not tasting anything special, tastes like a regular garlic pizza if you ask me. My girlfriend who was my lunch date talked through much of the meal and when she finished her plate and her conversation she asked; “So how was that anyway?” I wiped my mouth and replied… “Honestly it wasn’t all that great, I would’ve assumed just gotten something else”. She said “To tell you the truth, it doesn’t look much like a Greek Pizza”. When the waitress came to bring us our check and asked how our meals were I said that everything was good but the Greek Pizza was not what I expected it to be. The waitress’s response was “That was a Garlic pizza, you ordered a Garlic pizza”. I assured her that I did not, but that it was okay and she insisted on standing there fighting with me about it anyway. Apparently I had offended her professional waitressism by implying that she had perhaps made a mistake. She was rude, offensive and told me that if I were so displeased she couldn’t understand how I could’ve “scarfed it down so fast” Oh, wow, seriously, now she’s calling me a pig and a liar? Anyway, she got her tip and I was never rude. Has she ever heard of the customer’s always right?

Can you relate?

Have you had any of these experiences happen to you while dining out?

See results

Who had the chicken...? Who had the gosh darn chicken???

It'll be okay, really.

Disclaimer: Before I cause an angry waitress to pop a blister on my account from stomping in frustration of this article, I must announce that I too have worked in a dining establishment and I know your pain. Waiters and Waitresses are not the only ones who err; customers have their own problems too! “Things That Restaurant Customers Can Stop Doing at Any Time Now”, could be a hub of its own. Generally speaking waitresses bust their hump, maybe for the tips or maybe because they have a great work ethic. Unfortunately, there is a hoard of rude customers and oftentimes waitresses get the blame for things that are out of their control. I can sympathize. If you’re frustrated with me, please share or use it as inspiration for your own writing, I welcome both options.

And here you go... (This is too funny!)

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    • SoundNFury profile image

      Michael Valencia 4 years ago from Los Angeles, CA

      I enjoyed reading this, it brought a few good chuckles. I have also worked as a waiter and these are all very valid tips for anyone, well, looking for a better tip! Voted up and funny :)

    • Cantuhearmescream profile image
      Author

      Cat 4 years ago from New York

      SoundNFury,

      Thanks! It's all in good fun, I have a lot of respect for waiters and waitresses in general, but there are some that ought consider a different profession. I know they have some real jerks to deal with too!

      Thanks again!

    • prettynutjob30 profile image

      Mary 4 years ago from From the land of Chocolate Chips,and all other things sweet.

      This is so funny, voted up, more and shared, I hate and I mean hate it when the waitress insists on rubbing my hubby's shoulders and calling him sweetie.

    • Cantuhearmescream profile image
      Author

      Cat 4 years ago from New York

      prettynutjob30,

      Thank you! Yeah, sure, this lady gets to feed the man (wins his heart) and rubs him down, while whispering sweet nothings in his ear. In the meantime, the woman's lucky to get a "what d'ya want?" out of her.

      Thanks again and I love your name!

    • wayne barrett profile image

      Wayne Barrett 4 years ago from Clearwater Florida

      Very funny. I swear to God they sit back and wait for you to stuff your mouth before asking you how your food is.

    • Cantuhearmescream profile image
      Author

      Cat 4 years ago from New York

      Wayne,

      Thanks! Yes, I'm sure that's a part of the plan; embarrass the customer and they will tip well to save face :-)

      Thanks again!

    • billybuc profile image

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Cat, I am pretty sure I have had every one of these waitresses at one time or another....and I have also had some great ones. The great ones get a very good tip; the bad ones will understand my displeasure before the meal ends. :) Loved this hub....keep them coming and I'll keep reading them.

    • PegCole17 profile image

      Peg Cole 4 years ago from Dallas, Texas

      I briefly (thank goodness) worked at a restaurant as hostess and had to fill in for an absent waitress. It was one of the most difficult jobs I ever had and I was the worst waitress ever in the history of food. Thank you for a good laugh on some of the things I was guilty of doing.

    • mr-veg profile image

      mr-veg 4 years ago from Colorado United States

      Hello Cat, here you come again with your strong but subtle experience jotted down in words :) I would have asked for my money back if my order was incorrect ! You are great, you also tipped the waitress after your incorrect order meal... Kudos !! Good entertainer on the cards again... Looks like the way you are going, you would have the most unique collection of hubs in entire hubpages ;)

    • MichaelJohnMele profile image

      Michael John Mele 4 years ago from Seffner, Florida

      Girl...again you struck gold...great hub and very funny.

      Voted up across the board and shared with the world.

    • Sloan Thomas profile image

      Shannon Sloan Thomas 4 years ago from Baton Rouge, LA

      Ha, this is so funny. Enjoyed reading it!

    • Cantuhearmescream profile image
      Author

      Cat 4 years ago from New York

      Billy,

      Thanks! Of all the times I’ve eaten out, I can say I’ve had more good waitresses than bad, but when they’re bad… they’re bad.

      Thanks again!

      Cat

    • Cantuhearmescream profile image
      Author

      Cat 4 years ago from New York

      PegCole17,

      Thanks, I hope I didn’t offend. It’s all in good fun… and I’m guessing you not having been the “best waitress” was due to inexperience, not a bad work ethic or mood :-)

      …and I’m sure I’ve seen worse! ;-)

      Thanks again!

    • Cantuhearmescream profile image
      Author

      Cat 4 years ago from New York

      mr-veg,

      You’re too kind, as always! I guess turning my complaints into “funny hubs” could be therapy for me and maybe a couple of other people. You’re awesome and I definitely have to get over your way and see what you’ve been up to.

      Thanks again buddy!

      Cat

    • Cantuhearmescream profile image
      Author

      Cat 4 years ago from New York

      Michael,

      Michael is that you? What has happened to us… things are not the same, is it something I said? I miss you terribly my MJM! :-)

      I guess I’ll have to track you down so we can Ketchup!

      Thanks buddy, love ya!

      Cat

    • Cantuhearmescream profile image
      Author

      Cat 4 years ago from New York

      Sloan Thomas,

      Thank you for coming and thank you commenting. I’m super happy you enjoyed it!

    • MichaelJohnMele profile image

      Michael John Mele 4 years ago from Seffner, Florida

      @Cantuhearmescream you know you could never do anything to drive us apart...things have just been crazy on my end. You're my girl now...and you'll always be my girl.

    • Cantuhearmescream profile image
      Author

      Cat 4 years ago from New York

      Michael,

      Aw, thanks... I was starting to develop a complex :-(

      I understand... really I do. I would love to spend more time over your way but I've been wrapped up in my own stuff. Thanks for the love!

    • MichaelJohnMele profile image

      Michael John Mele 4 years ago from Seffner, Florida

      Girl you know I always got your back...no matter what.

    • ImKarn23 profile image

      Karen Silverman 4 years ago

      Please - don't touch my husband' - omg...

      listen -i watched a show about the worst places to find, um - FECAL MATTER, and guess what?

      Those little cut up lemons and limes and cherries - those are LOADED with poopoo...ewwwwwwww....

      also, once there was a bunch of us out for MY birthday and i ordered a pasta with Xtra mushrooms - and it came with almost none..

      (bear in mind this was MY b=day..lol)

      when i politely reminded the waitress that i had ordered extra - she took my plate..when she brought it back - i was informed that 'they' had 'gone through it' and fuond the amt of mushrooms - SATISFACTORY..

      guess what HER tip was???

      i could go on and on - and i used to be a waitress...

      things have changed - now - WE serve them...lol

      blahblah..voting/sharing//

    • profile image

      lovedoctor926 4 years ago

      voted up awesome, funny and interesting. this reminds me of whenever I go to eat at TGI Fridays. Usually, I go there for lunch and order a cheeseburger and fries. Well, same thing with me. As I'm grabbing my juicy burger and attempting to get a bite, the waitress or waiter decide to pass by and ask me how's everything going? I usually have to give her a thumbs up. I also hate it when they say Hello, my name is Michelle and I will be taking care of you today. OMG. that is so annoying! Asking you if there is any room for dessert is really an offense if you think about it. And yes, some waitresses are a bit too friendly with our husbands. Some of them even refer to them as sweetie, what can I get you? I'm not the very jealous type and I usually let little things slide by but I was out on a date with a guy once who started flirting with the waitress in front of me and calling her sweetie. I thought it was rude and disrespectful. voting up!

    • Sharkye11 profile image

      Jayme Kinsey 4 years ago from Oklahoma

      Very entertaining. I have never worked as a waitress but I do make it an effort to be excruciatingly polite to them. I know they make even less than I do on a bad day, and they are constantly on the go. Most of the complaints should really be directed at their management.

      BUT...there are those pet peeves when dining out. The drink refills are definitely a must...especially if I am eating very salty Chinese food!

      The other one is the bringing the bill before we are done, just because we slowed down our eating pace to enjoy some conversation. It ends up making us feel guilty about saying "Oh...can I have dessert and another Coke now?"

      We have a privately owned restaurant here that serves catfish. One of the "deals" is that you pay an outrageous amount for your fish, and you have all-you-can eat salad, yeast rolls, and sopapillas. Okay. If you ask them for more sopapillas, they will fill your plate. I don't like them. I like yeast rolls. They will roll their eyes and try their best to talk you into the sugared bread, instead. i only indulge in huge yeast rolls once a year. I would like to eat two...without having to beg for thirty minutes then hope the girl comes a around before I am full.

      That's my rant. I loved yours. :) I've never had a waitress get too cozy with my husband, but I once watched a waitress practically give my sister's boyfriend a lapdance in front of all of us while she took his order. We were all incredibly embarrassed!

      Voting up! This was a fun read!

    • DzyMsLizzy profile image

      Liz Elias 4 years ago from Oakley, CA

      That is my number ONE pet peeve--to the point that, years back, I made up a riddle about it:

      Q. "What do waitresses and dentists have in common?"

      A. "They both ask you questions when your mouth is full!"

      Now, I no longer attempt to answer them. Instead, I hold up an (index!) finger in the universal gesture of "..wait a moment." Then, they may think I do have some comment or request, so they hang on, and when I have swallowed my food, I either tell them that yes, it's fine, or no, something is missing or whatever may be the case.

      I usually also follow that up with a question related to my riddle, "Tell me, is that trick a prerequisite for the job, or are you actually instructed to only ask how a customers' meal is when their mouths are full?"

      If you are dining with more than one person, you can pre-plan to synchronize your eating so that one of you always has your mouth empty... :-D

      Great hub--voted up, awesome, funny and interesting.

    • Cantuhearmescream profile image
      Author

      Cat 4 years ago from New York

      Leslie,

      Thanks! Well, I’ll be making sure to ask the waitress to hold the lemon in my Diet Pepsi, an I’ll never be able to look at a hot fudge sundae the same… thanks for the info :-(

      “Satisfactory” amount of mushrooms? What?? NO MUSHROOM FOR YOU! Golly, I think sometimes the waitress just nods and smiles but never gives our special requests to the chef! Even worse… to tell you you’re out of your mind and deal with it if you actually address it? Boy, I hope you went somewhere else for Birthday Cake!

      Thank you so much girl, I’m glad you enjoyed it!

    • Cantuhearmescream profile image
      Author

      Cat 4 years ago from New York

      lovedoctor926,

      Wow, thanks a lot! Ha ha ha, don’t you love having to resort to sign language to answer a waiter?

      “I also hate it when they say Hello, my name is Michelle and I will be taking care of you today.” … that’s too funny. Maybe we should reply; “Hello, I’m Cat and I’m hungry… after my meal, I would like my feet rubbed”

      “Hey ya think you got any room in that tub of yours to squeeze some cake in?” I hadn’t thought about it like that; that’s funny!

      Yeah, what’s up with that? Why does it takes us dating a man for a month or so before we feel comfortable or compelled to call him “Sweetie” but some waitress can just walk right up and say “Hi, my name is Michelle, What can I get you to drink Sweetie (wink wink)?” I don’t think it’s a matter of jealousy, but if my waitress is going to call him sweetie, she better have a term of endearment ready for me! (If I were you, I’d have kicked his shin under the table “by accident”) ;-)

      Thank you for sharing!

    • Cantuhearmescream profile image
      Author

      Cat 4 years ago from New York

      Sharkye11,

      Thank you, and you are right, a lot of waitress work very hard, for very little.

      Ha ha, That’s pretty bad when we have to feel guilty for staying longer or asking for more. You’re right too, usually my favorite part of the dining is when the hunger pangs have dissipated and we are simply enjoying the food and the conversation… looking out of the corner of your eye, nervously watching the waitress looking at you out of the corner of her eye “Gee, are the almost done?”

      That’s too funny about the sopapillas (which I would’ve had to Google the term had you not elaborated :-). Why is it like that? Are those yeast rolls so expensive? That’s too funny. Not that it’s any comparison but I know it seems like the restaurants that have the best complimentary bread… always forget to come around to restock or simply avoid me, but at the restaurants with the mediocre, dried up flavorless kind… it’s an endless supply! …I could definitely go for a yeast roll now :-)

      I actually prefer a friendly waitress, but I don’t like it forced and fake… a lapdance? That’s almost funny in a sad kind of way.

      Thank you for sharing!

    • Cantuhearmescream profile image
      Author

      Cat 4 years ago from New York

      DzyMsLizzy,

      Thanks! Oh, I love the riddle, I’m definitely going to start using it!

      How funny that you keep the waitress there while you finish your food, it’s probably the most polite way to handle that situation, but I bet it really irritates them… with their “time is precious” thing. I can’t believe you call them out like that… I’d be curious to hear their responses! :-)

      Synchronize your eating, ha ha ha!

      Thank you so much!

    • vocalcoach profile image

      Audrey Hunt 4 years ago from Nashville Tn.

      This is such a good hub. I really had fun watching the video. Thanks for writing about a typical waitress that really gets on a person's nerves. Voted up and will share.

    • Cantuhearmescream profile image
      Author

      Cat 4 years ago from New York

      vocalcoach,

      Aw, thank you! I know, it's hard to expect people to give up a couple of minutes to watch a video, but I thought it was so stinkin' funny; especially because they were cute little characters with horribly computer generated voices.

      Thanks again!

    • agapsikap profile image

      agapsikap 4 years ago from Philippines

      This hub is great. Funny and very entertaining. I enjoy reading it. Thank you for sharing.

    • dahoglund profile image

      Don A. Hoglund 4 years ago from Wisconsin Rapids

      I have never gotten the concept of tipping down to the point of being comfortable with it. That might be because it keeps changing. Over the years I have had people give me a variety of definitions about it. The one I like best came from a friend who was a chief. His advice was that the waitress should contribute to making the meal a pleasant experience. Oddly, I think the same applies to what is called "customer service" in most businesses.

    • poetvix profile image

      poetvix 4 years ago from Gone from Texas but still in the south. Surrounded by God's country.

      Oh, I so share some of your pet peeves here. Mine of the month, is when you go in, have a seat, proceed to order off the menu they provide only to have them inform you they are out of said item. Not good business.

      I very much enjoyed this. I waited tables for a bit back in the day. Not for me, but not always the easy job it's cracked up to be. Still there must be some standards. God bless!

    • Relationshipc profile image

      Kari 4 years ago from Alberta, Canada

      If a waitress didn't wash their hands, I think I would lose on them. I am a huge germaphobe. I always think about Poppi from Seinfeld - anyone else?

      I have had some really bad service in my eating out history. I always say that if you are in the customer service industry then you should be willing to provide customer service...or get out! I couldn't do it, that's for sure.

      The last experience we had was with a guy who was the laziest and grumpiest waiter I had ever seen. This was at a pizza place, Famoso, where you order up front and then the staff does the rest. It took everything I had not to tell this guy off as someone else brought our meals while he leaned against the counter. He didn't even come check on us. Finally when I wanted some coffee after supper, I raised my hand in the air like a student wanting some attention. He started to walk towards me but got distracted by someone more important. I had to get up and order my own coffee from a girl that was actually working. He made our meal so miserable! But because we have both worked in the industry, my husband and I still tipped him about $10.

    • Cantuhearmescream profile image
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      Cat 4 years ago from New York

      agapsikap,

      Thank you! I’m glad you saw the humor in it! Thank you for reading and commenting! :-)

    • Cantuhearmescream profile image
      Author

      Cat 4 years ago from New York

      dahoglund,

      Good point! I know waitresses have “a lot on their plate” but they should give an effort to make the customer enjoy their experience. If I am particularly pleased with the service I will “over tip” but if I am unpleased or disappointed, I still tip my “regular” amount, because I feel bad leaving a “bad” tip. So… I don’t know if there’s a science to that. You’re right about customer service as well. I have worked that job too and I know how frustrating and rude some customers can but I also have had absolutely rude customer service representatives and their rudeness has been for no apparent reason. Thanks for stopping and sharing!

    • Cantuhearmescream profile image
      Author

      Cat 4 years ago from New York

      poetvix,

      Hi nice lady! That is annoying and I hadn’t even thought of that one. After struggling to decide what you want and finally settling on a choice, just for the waitress to say “sorry, we’re out”… argh! They could’ve saved the headache. Thank you so much for stopping by and sharing!

      Cat

    • Cantuhearmescream profile image
      Author

      Cat 4 years ago from New York

      Relationshipc,

      Yes, I agree… Off with their hand! :-) Germaphobe or not… that is disgusting and unsanitary (and I can relate :-) Poppi, that’s too funny.

      I agree about the customer service… I’ve been there and I work by the “customer is always right” theory and it can be very hard to fake a smile while grinding your teeth, but you gotta do what you gotta do. Unfortunately, that theory is dying out.

      A lot of other people wouldn’t have tipped that guy… but I laughed when you said you raised your hand like a student… that’s bad :-)

      Thank you for coming by and sharing!

      Cat

    • QudsiaP1 profile image

      QudsiaP1 4 years ago

      Hahaha, this was really funny and so true in places. I specially hate when I am about to take my first bite of the food and the waitress decides to explain the comment card to me.

    • Cantuhearmescream profile image
      Author

      Cat 4 years ago from New York

      QudsiaP1,

      Thanks! Yeah, nothing beats having to violently shake your head in agreement and flail your hands around to communicate with a waitress!

      Comment card, ha!

      Thanks again!

    • LeslieAdrienne profile image

      Leslie A. Shields 4 years ago from Georgia

      Funny and frightening....

    • Cantuhearmescream profile image
      Author

      Cat 4 years ago from New York

      Leslie,

      Well thank you... I think :-)

      Thanks for stopping by!

    • epigramman profile image

      epigramman 4 years ago

      Well my dear Cat - there is nothing better than to have the title of 'The Luckiest man on earth' and to wake up with someone like you on this Hub honeymoon that we both share over and over and over. I always have a cigarette after each one of your hubs - and I don't even smoke.

      Naturally if there is a 'female' George Carlin of Hubpages then you must be the one. Another famous name which comes to mind is the late great Erma Bombeck.

      As always, your keen wit and hilarious insight speaks the truth with its wisdom, perception and irony.

      I have a 'true' waitress story for you:

      Years ago my buddy and I were dining at Swiss Chalet and the waitress was an old battleaxe who was part drill sgt./part prison warden (she was an old school waitress - no bullshit or you will die)

      So after our meal she marched back over to our table and snapped at us

      "Well, do you want dessert or what?"

      I meekly replied (with a touch of mischief) "Well Ma'am, I think we will take 'or what' please"

      She grunted like a big piggie and stormed away after calling me a smartass.

      So I said to my buddy - after putting the exact amount of money on the table to pay the bill - to leave 'one penny' as a tip and I would go out and start our getaway car and have him leave the tip and then run like hell as I would be waiting outside. She never caught us and I live to this very day to tell you this 'true' story.

      Tiffy, Gabriel and I were up early this morning to see the daylight over the lake - maybe I am up too early though so it may be back to bed now at 8:20am .......

      Have a wonderful Sunday and thank you for breathing 'one of your nine lives' back into the grateful epi-man for he is now inflated with the glowing spirit of 'Cat-panache' inside of him

    • Cantuhearmescream profile image
      Author

      Cat 4 years ago from New York

      My sweet sweet dear Colin,

      Do you have any idea your affect on a lady? Boy oh boy, I have to chuckle at myself when I stop to think how others would react if they could see the way I have my nose pressed up to the computer and something of an awkwardly large smile on my face, mouth gaped open as I read your comments. You have just got to absolutely be the most wonderful man on the face of this earth... and not just because you make me blush so! You give so much of yourself and all I can hope is that you get a fraction of that in return. You truly are a Godsend!

      Thank you for sharing your waitress story, how funny and I actually could visualize this moment in my mind. You naughty little boy!

      You rest up, let the sun warm your face and the sound of the water kiss your ears and we will all be anxiously awaiting your return!

      I am sending you warm wishes and tuck you and your little balls of fur in snuggly!

      Your Cat

    • shiningirisheyes profile image

      Shining Irish Eyes 4 years ago from Upstate, New York

      Obviously by the amount of remarks, this one everyone can relate with! I have often been in the process of bringing the fork to my mouth when the waitress assumes this means I am done. They also consider someone with a mouth full of food enjoys answering the question "How is it?"

      Great humor on a subject we all have dealt with!

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      Cat 4 years ago from New York

      shiningirisheyes,

      Thank you! I'm usually never in a hurry when eating out and it's not usually a matter of eating for survival. I hate the feeling of being rushed!

      Maybe they ask purposely when our mouths are full so we don't take up their time answering with a verbal response :-)

      Thanks for stopping by and commenting!

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      damian0000 4 years ago from Belfast

      Hi Cat... well, I am so happy to see this really funny hub on here and I laughed a lot at your choice of you-tube video also... hilarious ;-)

      We don't really have the same problems over here as we don't usually tip... service is usually included in the charge and you only tip if you feel that the waiter/ress has been especially nice to you --- there is no obligation.

      I remember being over in the States and being shocked at how friendly the waiters and waitresses are but then you realise that they are probably just angling for a bigger tip so it is good and bad...!

      I think our two cultures are probably very different --- when a man sits down to eat in a restaurant in Ireland it is an unwritten sacred rule that he is not to be disturbed under ANY circumstances --- unless there is a very large bomb about to detonate in the immediate vicinity... Interrupting him at this point merely to ask if he is enjoying his food poses a severe risk to life!

      And as for the waitress sweet-talking a woman's date or husband... that way lies danger!! ;-)

      Great hub Cat ++++

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      Cat 4 years ago from New York

      damian0000,

      Thank you! I know it's a lot to ask people to take a few minutes to watch a video, but I just thought that it was too funny... especially with the cute little characters and the horrible computer generated audio.

      How do you feel about the tip being included? Do you ever feel that it wasn't earned and you're still obligated to pay it? There are some restaurants around here where the tip is automatically included, but because that is not the norm, I don't care for that concept.

      Our waiters and waitress, over here, are usually very friendly, of course sometimes you wonder why, but when you get a miserable one or one that's had a bad day, it can really ruin the dining experience.

      Wow, what a difference in restaurant etiquette between here and there. Gee, I would imagine that if I were "left alone" for an entire meal, I would wonder what the hell I did. Do I smell or something? I thought it would only be dangerous to interrupt you guys while hitting the ale ;-)

      All I ask, is if you flirt with my date, you better flirt with me too!

      Thanks for swinging by damian and sharing!

      Cat

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      damian0000 4 years ago from Belfast

      Cat...

      Lock up your daughters when us guys hit the ale, and of course I would flirt with you.. ;-)

      Tips don't really enter into it for us.... we go out and get a good meal and we expect to pay for the service as well, we just don't like the discretionary side to it because if the waiters are really relying on tips then you feel a certain pressure to give more than maybe you want.

      As I said in your other hub... Ireland is very different because it is small and the restaurants --- indeed all the service industries, really can't afford to make their local customers unhappy because they would go out of business pretty soon --- it is the local, repeat customers who are the life-blood of the business.

      A lot of the restaurants have signs which say "if you are happy with your meal tell your friends... if you are not happy, tell us."

      Generally, for me --- If I am not happy about something then I just say to myself that I am not coming back, things have never really been that bad that I wanted to take it further.

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      Cat 4 years ago from New York

      damian0000,

      Aw shucks, you're making me blush ;-)

      I don't have a problem with tipping; I've been accustomed to it since the first time I've eaten out. I guess you're right about the pressure, I always tip, even when the service is horrible I tend to leave my "common" amount... I just feel bad otherwise. Now, if the service is "knock your socks off" good, then I'll through a little more in. I don't complain either, if my meal or service was bad, I do the same as you and vow never to go back, though I've been known to go back on my word.

      What you said about being small is kind of refreshing. I know the big chains around here seem to be less concerned with keeping the customer happy and don't live by the notion "the customer's always right", but the smaller "mom and pop", privately owned restuarants seem to go more out of their way for their customers.

      I love that saying about being "happy with your meal", I think I'm going to spread that around here... it'd be nice to see some of those signs in our local restaurants. It seems to make sense that any business would want to keep their customers happy, they are the best and cheapest PR.

      Thanks damian!

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      Nadia Archuleta 3 years ago from Denver, Colorado

      I used to be a hairstylist, so I can understand the pressure of being in customer service. However, when I'm a customer, I have a rule: I'm polite until the waitress is not. I well know that there is a way to resolve as difference with a customer without being rude: I did it for years. I believe in natural consequences, so if someone's rude to me, I'm rude back -- never at first though. I also don't tip for bad service -- again, natural consequences (that's the teacher in me -- how are they going to learn otherwise?) Great Hub, though -- thanks for sharing!

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      Cat 3 years ago from New York

      nArchuleta,

      I think your approach is excellent. Yes, you are right, there is always a way to resolve a difference without being rude. I know customer service can be stressful and some customers are rude with no reason, but each customer should come with a clean slate and it is so important to put on a happy face, even if they aren't happy for the time being. I would prefer not to be rude but you can only be pushed so far. I know some people are terrified to speak up because they fear the consequences they've seen on Dateline or 20/20 :-)

      That's true about tipping, I guess it doesn't make much sense to tip a waitress that provided horrible service and had an attitude.

      Thanks for stopping and sharing!

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      mr-veg 3 years ago from Colorado United States

      hi Cat.. What's cooking in you mind today that we would see as a hub :)

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      Cat 3 years ago from New York

      mr-veg,

      Hello dear friend! What's cooking in my mind today is that I am long past due to get over to your awesome hub world!!! I need some inspiration! If only I can catch up with my emails and combat my ADHD-like tendencies... I will be over! Thanks for stopping by to check on me! :-)

      Cat

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      mr-veg 3 years ago from Colorado United States

      That's so nice of you Cat !! You are have tons of inspirations within yourself.. just need to express them out :) Have a great evening...

    • B. A. Williams profile image

      B. A. Williams 3 years ago from USA

      I enjoyed this article so much, it hit on all the problems I have had with a waitress. The funniest being having my dinner snatched away when half done. Very amusing and keep writing.

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      Cat 3 years ago from New York

      B.A. Williams,

      Aw, thank you! It was my attempt at being funny, but there definitely is some truth to it :-)

      Why do they try to take our food from us? They make us wait forever to get it and then try to take it as soon as we do!

      Thanks so much for stopping and the support!

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      calculus-geometry 3 years ago

      Very funny piece! You say what everyone is thinking but will never say for fear of someone spitting in your food. I know what you mean about service people touching you. Having worked in a service industry, I know that employees are told not to do this, so I don't get why some still do it.

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      Cat 3 years ago from New York

      calculus-geometry,

      Notice I'm talking through a computer screen and not in a restaurant... I'm very pleasant to wait staff :-)

      Sometimes they just catch me off guard; Wham! A hand on your shoulder, bearing all their body weight, it startles me sometimes :-)

      Thanks for stopping and sharing comments!

    • mercuryservices profile image

      Alex Munkachy 3 years ago from Honolulu, Hawaii

      I think everyone who ever wants to dine out should work at some point in their life in a restaurant (especially as a server). While I have definitely put in my time in the industry and agree that there is tons of horrible service given out there, I still feel that there are far more horrible customers/diners (I reserve the word guests for the few who actually know how to act in a restaurant) who feel entitled and act extremely picky or rude or both. I feel that in some cases the server is just wrong (no person should ever leave a restroom without washing their hands! gross.) and perhaps just does not care about their job, but in most instances I believe that the picky, rude diners have worn on their nerves so much that all good customer service skills have simply faded away.

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      Cat 3 years ago from New York

      mercuryservices,

      Good point! I agree, there are probably many more rude customers than bad waitresses. Especially considering waitresses deal with hundreds of customers a week, whereas the average customer only deals with a handful of waitresses in that same amount of time. I'm just poking fun; actually it's my response to a hub I read a week or two ago written by what I assume to be a waitress, complaining about customers.

      I've worked in a restaurant where I've had all I could do to maintain a fake smile to a horribly rude customer... trust me, I know. :-)

      Thanks for stopping and sharing!

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      TripleAMom 3 years ago from Florida

      Very funny and very true. Looking forward to reading more of your hubs :)

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      Cat 3 years ago from New York

      TripleAMom,

      Aw thanks! I'm glad you saw the humor in it! I will certainly try to make my way to your pages and check out what you've got going on! Thanks again for stopping by! :-)

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      moonlake 3 years ago from America

      I agree I hate being put in the middle of the room. My friend and I went out to eat last week. We were there before lunch so all the tables were empty the waitress took us to the table back by the bathroom. I hate that so I told her we wanted a different table. I knew what she was doing it was a shorter walk for her.

      One time a waitress cleaned the table next to me threw the dishes in a big pan and the food popped out all over me. I never forgot that, now she works for Kohls and I still don't like her. Enjoyed your hub and agree with all you said. Voted up.

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      Cat 3 years ago from New York

      moonlake,

      I understand poor seating when a restaurant is packed, but I'll never understand why they insist on seating us in horrible places when it's so empty. Even worse, when they make you feel guilty when you ask for a different table! :-)

      Yuck! "She works at Kols and I still don't like her" hahaahaha, oh my goodness, thanks for that!

      Thanks for stopping by and sharing... you gave me a laugh!

      Cat

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      Toni Northern 3 years ago from Williamston NC

      Very funny hub. I know a lot of people can relate. I've always had some good experiences at restaurants with customer service. I always ask for a booth for me and my party, don't like to just be seated. One thing I don't like, and it continues to happen, is being handed sticky plastic menus. Wipe them off or break out the new ones jeez.

      Anyway, loved your hub.

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      Cat 3 years ago from New York

      SonQuioey10,

      Thank you! You must be having such a good time at restaurants because you have a party! Maybe that's my problem... maybe I should stop dining alone... just kidding.

      I have to admit, my dining out is usually absolutely pleasurable and more times than not, the waitresses are great... I was kind of inspired after reading a hub about a waitress complaining about patrons. Just playing. :-)

      Ooh, I never thought about the sticky factor, yes, menus, tables... or the occasional food on the silverware, yucky! Again, most of these aren't the waitresses fault either, still gross though.

      Thanks a bunch for stopping by!

      Cat

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      Shannon 3 years ago from Texas

      This is so funny, but mostly because it is so true! I can definitely relate to much of what you say, and I don't even eat out often at all. However, when I do, it's always a pleasure to have a waitress that is genuinely friendly and truly attentive to what is really going on at the table rather than going through the motions for the next tip. Smiles go a long way anywhere in my book, but especially when relying on a tip. ;)

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      Cat 3 years ago from New York

      shanmarie,

      Thanks! ...and guess what? I don't eat out all that often anymore either... I can stay home and get the same service :-)

      I agree, and you know what? I honestly have had many more great waitresses than bad ones... I just think it's funny to pick sometimes.

      You ever get the really fake waitress with a big fake smile... you know, the one who pretends to care about what you did today? I'd rather just have real. Well, real and friendly :-)

      Thanks a bunch for stopping by and I think I've ran into you enough... and Epi's suggested you enough, that I need to find my way over to your pages... and I will!

      Cat

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      Shannon 3 years ago from Texas

      Haha. Yeah, he's great. Kinda the reason I finally made my way to yours! Thanks, I'd appreciate a visit. :)

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      Cat 3 years ago from New York

      shanmarie,

      Phew... my computer shut down on me to update... but I finally made it over there and am I ever glad I did! Thanks girly!

      Cat

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      C E Clark 3 years ago from North Texas

      Very funny video, and I can identify with some of your examples, especially the one about the woman who shot out of the bathroom stall without washing her hands and went straight to preparing more meals (see my hub on the importance of handwashing - I have a similar tale described therein), and have had another such experience since writing that hub!

      In fact they usually do want people to hurry up and leave so they can serve another customer and get another tip. The restaurant owners want it as much if not more than the servers.

      Voting you up, funny, and will share!

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      Cat 3 years ago from New York

      Au fait,

      I loved the extreme sarcasm of the video and those cute little characters just made it even funnier. Yes, I think that is disgusting... to not wash hands after using the restroom is bad enough, but to handle food after is simply detestable! I will read that hub... I'm past due your way anyway :D

      I understand waitressess depend on their tips, but I'm sure they do far better when they make the diners' experience better... I really don't like to be rushed. You're right about the owners and that's no way to run a business, there's no better business than a repeat customer :-)

      Thank you for stopping by and appreciating my humor... I will be your way!

      Cat

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      cmessina 2 years ago

      As a whole, I found your article to be of some value. I have been a server (not waitress! For goodness sakes we haven't been waitresses for eons) for 13 years. You bring up many faux pas of the common server, and while they may be true, your general attitude towards waitstaff is off putting. Certain comments made it seem like you think we are below you, that we are ignorant (the comment about knowing how to read/write) because we are waiting tables.

      Serving can be such a joyous and rewarding career (and great money, though not for most). But the emotional toll it takes everyday to be treated the way you treat servers (and yes you are the worst kind; the one who does it while being nice as pie to my face)

      Shame on you

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      EmR33 2 years ago

      OK. So, I'm not sure where you worked as a waiter, bit I'm a little surprised about some of these complaints--many are standard steps of service, and waiters are trained to follow them. Here's why:

      1. Seating is usually done in a rotation. The waiters have sections, and there is an order to it so one waiter doesn't get too many tables at once while another waiter has none. When you ask to sit at a different table the staff will normally oblige you, it just confuses the system and your service might be a little slower.

      2. The waiter is watching you to see when you start eating so that she can come ask you how your food is. This is one of the essential points of service known as the 2-bite rule. It's so that if you hate your food or the order is wrong, you can send it back right away instead of waiting until the end of the meal to complain and then blaming it on the server for messing up your order. Maybe she messed up, but she's giving you an opportunity to tell her whole there's still time to fix it. Which brings me to point 3.

      3. If you thought your pizza didn't look right, you should have said something right away. The fact that you ate the whole thing and then complained sounds to a waiters like you're just trying to get something taken off the bill or looking for an excuse to leave a bad tip. I know that isn't what you were doing, but people pull that stuff all the time. They won't say anything and then at the end say, oh that order was wrong, or i didn't like it,I don't think I should have to pay for it. That's why she asked you 2 bites into your meal if everything was ok. And probably several other times.

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      Tori Canonge 2 years ago from California

      That was an awesomely funny read! Thank you for brightening my day with this one. By the way, I think your first photo is absolutely fantastic! I am the same when it comes to first getting my food - without fail, the waitress ALWAYS manages to come to me when my mouth is completely stuffed. I recently had a waitress come back to the table twice within two minutes and ask how the food was... both times my mouth was full.

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      June Parker 11 months ago from New York

      Got a good chuckle. I have been on both sides of the coin and must add this. Because waitresses do work for tips (their hourly wage is often well below minimum wages), please do leave the poor souls a 20% tip when they have done well. The good ones really do work hard for their money.

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