Thor Ragnarok (2017) Movie Review
Chris Hemsworth as
Tom Hiddleston as
Cate Blanchett as
Feelin’ Hela good so just keep on dancin’ (reference taken from 2002)
Idris Elba as
Someone appearing in so many movies this year he hopes you don’t remember 2 of them are The Dark Tower and that plane crash one with Cate, um, Kate Winslet
Tessa Thompson as
Valkyrie- she does an amazing job playing a Tom Cruise movie from 2008 with British people as Germans
Jeff Goldblum plays
Mark Ruffalo plays
Taylor Swift as
Eric Pearson, Craig Kyle, Christopher L. Yost
Nobody dies. If that’s a spoiler you’ve never seen a Marvel movie.
With 3 movies released in 2017, the Marvel money machine keeps churning out the green.
Audiences love the Marvel mov---
Audiences like the Marvel movies because they’re cheap disposable entertainment that take you away from your troubles for a couple of hours and you don’t have to worry about feeling anything but diverted because there have been no discernible stakes whatsoever ever since Marvel launched Iron Man back in May 2008.
Reviewers love reviewing Marvel mov---
Reviewers find reviewing Marvel movies a tad tedious because you know in your heart, you’re reviewing the same movie over and over again just like the viewer knows he/she has been watching the same movie over and over again ever since Marvel launched Iron Man back in May 2008.
Chris Hemsworth fulfills his Marvel contract in the third (and presumably final) Thor standalone, Ragnarok. If this is the end, then the Thor series ends on a positive note as Ragnarok is quite the upgrade from 2013’s mightily mediocre The Dark World (still the worst Marvel movie ever). As you might have read, Ragnarok is the funniest of the Marvel movies, fully embracing the inherent ridiculousness of the character and world it’s trying to convey.
As you watch Ragnarok, you realize how most of the other Marvel movies without the words Guardians of the Galaxy in the title have an (unearned) sense of seriousness that makes no sense since there are never any meaningful consequences in a Marvel movie. Even when you realize the plot of Ragnarok is pretty generic, you don’t care because you’re having so much fun.
Ragnarok opens with Thor (Chris PrattEvansWorth) defeating Surtur (voiced by Clancy Brown) to delay Ragnarok, the complete destruction of Asgard. While this scene is funny in and of itself, the Surtur character reminded me of the devil with the gigantic member near the climax of This is the End.
Thor returns to Asgard after a long absence and finds that his brother Loki (T-Hiddy) faked his death and has taken over the throne and that their father Odin (Anthony Hopkins) is missing. This is the first Asgardian case of an old man wandering off and not being seen for ages.
Thanks to some help from another Marvel character Thor and Loki find that dear old one-eyed dad is in Norway and is close to death.
How close? Well, Odin dies, but not before conveniently expositing that Thor and Loki have an older sister named Hela (Cate KateCate) who is a vicious killer with enormous neck strength because she spends half of the movie with a deer rack on top of her head.
Odin banished and imprisoned her because after their reign of destruction Odin felt like being more peaceful and Hela still wanted to kill and pillage and killage. She’s coming back because she’s pissed and a lot more powerful than Thor.
Seems like something you should have told your sons before you died.
Hela comes. Fights with Thor. Destroys Thor’s hammer. Remember, his hammer = his manhood, so he’s just been castrated.
Hela boots Thor and Loki to another planet named Sakaar. This planet is run by Jeff Goldblum, so you’d expect it to be a pretty awesome planet. Unless you happen to be a combatant, because Jeff Goldblum runs Sakaar as one big restaging of Gladiator and has a champion that a newly-shorn (hair = virility, so he’s been castrated twice) Thor must fight. You’ll never guess who it is…
Unless you guessed Hulk, because it’s in every trailer and promo spot.
What Works With Thor Ragnarok
- Chris Hemsworth’s best performance as Thor is also his funniest. The script gives him the sharpest 1-liners, but they feel organic, unlike every Marvel movie where the star is contractually obligated to meaninglessly quip every 5 minutes (Tony Stark).
- Thor Vs. Hulk- A Marvel Battle that actually means something, not that you think Thor or Hulk will actually die (like that’ll ever effing happen), but you’re genuinely concerned about the outcome of the fight.
- Jeff Golblum is just playing Jeff Goldblum, which is never a bad thing. His character is called The Grandmaster, but you could have just called him Jeff Goldblum and nobody would have blinked an eye. Whenever Goldblum appears onscreen Ragnarok feels like an entirely different movie, but you don’t care.
- If it weren’t for Michael Keaton, Cate Blanchett would be the best Marvel villain of 2017, but second place isn’t bad considering this is Marvel we’re talking about. There are couple of shots of Hela in her outfit that remind of the Rubber Man from the 1st season of American Horror Story. That would have been a great Marvel villain.
- A Jurassic Park and Lord of the Rings reunion in the same movie? We’ll take it.
What Doesn't Work With Thor Ragnarok
- For the first time in the Thor series, Tom Hiddleston’s Loki isn’t the scene-stealer you’re accustomed to. For the most part Loki feels perfunctory to the movie, as if the filmmakers had to shoehorn a way for Loki to do something. The strain shows as Hiddleston becomes 3rd or 4th banana to Valkyrie or even Mark Ruffalo.
You want vanilla. You got vanilla. But at least this Marvel movie’s fun (Funilla?). You don’t need to be hit in the head with a hammer to know if you’re going to see this or not, because you’ve seen it all before.