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Tim Gunn Questions If Being Single Is Being Selfish

Updated on June 15, 2012

Tim Gunn

Tim Gunn, a fashion expert who is not in a relationship.
Tim Gunn, a fashion expert who is not in a relationship. | Source

Tim Gunn

Tim Gunn raises an interesting point on the June 8 episode of television's The Revolution.

The episode examines single life in terms of health, home, fashion and more aspects of the lifestyle. Tim Gunn, fashion expert on the television show and co-host from Project Runway, says he is told by other people in his life that being single is being selfish.

Tim Gunn says on the television episode that he does not agree with this statement.

The View

To say that being single is being selfish supports the belief that people who are not in a relationship are doing things only for themselves. There are many holes to this argument.

For example, single people can be very giving to their friends and family without being in an intimate relationship. A person who is giving is not selfish in this regard.

Fellow host to Tim Gunn on The Revolution is fitness trainer Harley Pasternak. During the television episode, Pasternak says to Gunn that he IS being selfish in that he is not sharing himself with someone else. Pasternak further explains that someone is missing out on being with Tim Gunn as Gunn chooses to be alone. In that sense, he is selfish as he does not let someone else be with him.

A Relationship Just Around the Bend

Tim Gunn says on the television episode that he has been on his own for 30 years. He says single people should "hold their head up high" and be proud of who they are.

He also says that people do not know what is just "around the bend". Here is another argument against the view that a person who is not in a relationship is selfish. Becoming involved in an intimate relationship is not always a planned out venture. Indeed, many people say that they found partners when they were not actively looking to find someone. If this is true, then how can being single be equated with thinking only about one's own needs? According to this argument, a person is alone because he or she has not yet randomly stumbled upon someone that takes them to a relationship status.

Single As a Form of Self-Care

Being single can also be viewed as a form of care rather than a form of selfishness.

People who are not married or common-law are able to take care of their own needs first and the responsibilities that they alone carry. In relationships, women may take care of their partners but neglect their own needs. These needs become second to their partners' demands. The same situation can hold true for men. In these situations, being in a relationship is tied to lower levels of self-care.

In a solitary lifestyle, there is often more time to care for one's own needs. Selfishness does occur in the sense that personal activities are attended to. On the other hand, doesn't the single person deserve to love himself/herself? Being kind to one's own mind and body is very important!

Care and Lifestyle

Love the self.
Love the self. | Source

The Viewpoints

While some people view being single as being selfish, other people view being alone as a great time to take care of themselves, both mentally and physically. There is nothing wrong with choosing to be alone rather than being in a relationship. This statement holds especially true if that relationship is an unhealthy one for at least one of the partners. In the words of Tim Gunn, "hold your head up high" in the single world and examine your own needs before heading into a relationship.

Questions for You

Do You Think Selfishness Is Implied For People Who Are Single?

See results


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    • LKMore01 profile image

      LKMore01 4 years ago

      Thank you for sharing this information, ChristyWrites. As many readers have stated being single or married or in a relationship doesn't determine your level of selfishness. It is the individual. Tim Gunn is awesome!

    • vocalcoach profile image

      Audrey Hunt 4 years ago from Idyllwild Ca.

      I think selfishness is found in certain people whether single or otherwise. A relationship is not what constitutes the act of being selfish...this is a character flaw. Good hub and will share. - Audrey

    • justmesuzanne profile image

      justmesuzanne 4 years ago from Texas

      Single people once proudly took their places in society as librarians, teachers, members of clergy and so on. There is a place for everyone to choose how to live and what to find important, and there are certainly plenty of people in the world to care about without shackling yourself to one individual and creating more people. It is an individual choice, and those who choose to marry and procreate should mind their own business and live their own lives without passing judgment on others.

    • AudreyHowitt profile image

      Audrey Howitt 4 years ago from California

      Interesting question Christy--I do think we need to care for others--in whatever way we choose to experience that--

    • ChristyWrites profile image

      Christy Birmingham 5 years ago from British Columbia, Canada

      @SweetiePie, you are quite right that one thing does not necessarily have to do with the other, when talking about single status and selfishness. That view is what prompted me to write the hub. Great to hear your views and thanks for stopping by here to read!

    • SweetiePie profile image

      SweetiePie 5 years ago from Southern California, USA

      I personally think whether someone decides to be single or married does not determine if they are selfish. I have seen people who are altruistic who can be either, and a few selfish people that belong to both groups. It is more about who you are as a person rather than your relationship status. The status thing really does not matter anymore, and in the past marriage was more of a business arrangement between two families. In a way marriage has had a long history of being very self-interested because parents would not allow their children to marry who they cared about, especially if this person came from a less well to do family. Marriage was often about social status, and only in the last two hundred years is it now about love and romanticism.

    • ChristyWrites profile image

      Christy Birmingham 5 years ago from British Columbia, Canada

      @Vinaya, relationships can be hard ones to examine and the same is true of being single. If you do get the chance to watch him, he is quite the interesting character. Nice of you to stop by to read.

    • Vinaya Ghimire profile image

      Vinaya Ghimire 5 years ago from Nepal

      Never heard of Tim Gunn or watched him in a TV show. Though I can contradict over many points presented here, I enjoyed reading the interpretation of single-hood.

    • ChristyWrites profile image

      Christy Birmingham 5 years ago from British Columbia, Canada

      @endless sea, You are right that other people can motivate us. Good point!

      @Teaches, Excellent view! I also think that being happy with oneself is ultimately the most important concept. Thanks for bringing your view to the table here.

      @John, Thanks! Yes, single people are caring and giving to others even though they are not in a relationship. Take care and thanks for the read and vote :)

    • endless sea profile image

      Akhand Pratap SIngh 5 years ago from Lucknow(U.P.) India

      yep sure! our personal goals can help but sometimes there is just need for a push that we can achieve by being committed.

    • teaches12345 profile image

      Dianna Mendez 5 years ago

      I have sisters who never married and are quite happy. They have help married and single people in their relationships over the years. I think if someone is happy then that is what counts.

    • John Sarkis profile image

      John Sarkis 5 years ago from Los Angeles, CA

      Hello Christy, and what a wonderful hub this is. I'm single and give much to others - friends, family, acquaintances, etc. It's important to understand that some single people just haven't found anyone that interests them, which is typically the reason one is single to begin with.

      Voted up and enjoy your Saturday


    • ChristyWrites profile image

      Christy Birmingham 5 years ago from British Columbia, Canada

      @endless sea, your comment explains your views and I thank you for sharing here. Perhaps where we are in life and our personal goals can influence whether we choose to be single or not.

      @PhillyDreamer, I do find Tim Gunn to be interesting as well. Nice to meet a fellow fan!

      @Sheepsquatch, Interesting comment. There are so many perspectives and I'm glad to see this hub has people thinking about relationships. Thanks for stopping by to comment!

    • endless sea profile image

      Akhand Pratap SIngh 5 years ago from Lucknow(U.P.) India

      I don't think being single can be called selfishness many times it happens people will love to be with some one but they still can't find any one likely to be their choice, not always being single helps people some times it just gives a person a sense of responsibility, like in many ways after being seriously committed a guy will focus his mind more for his future instead of other things that can turn out to be beneficial :) nice topic and hub voted up and interesting

    • PHILLYDREAMER profile image

      Jose Velasquez 5 years ago from Lodi, New Jersey

      I like Tim Gunn, as I am a fan of project runway. Thanks for the insight into this interesting guy.

    • Sheepsquatch profile image

      Sheepsquatch 5 years ago from Springfield, MO

      People who are in a relationship can be described as being selfish in the same way. People don't willingly start a relationship without thinking their will be a benefit from it. They are both just tools used to benefit a person. A person gives up something to benefit from either.