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Too Close To Home -- I Haven't Seen This Much White Trash Since Honey Boo-Boo

Updated on August 23, 2016

The Home of Happiness

The lead character seems to be the Anna character. She’ from Happy. Alabama, which seems to be White Trash Central for the most part, but she’s remade herself with a fake background story of coming from rich parents. And she seems to be an aide or something for the President of the United States.

The show opens with her out with her “friends” at a bar as they wonder why she never dates and they try to fix her up with a guy there. Her “friend” Valerie shoves her at the guy then snaps a pic of it and posts it online and Anna freaks out. Meanwhile a man sees the pic on the Internet and is not pleased.

Turns out she’s the President’s concubine. He rakes her over the coals for forgetting a dignitary’s name. Seems Big Daddy doesn’t like to share his toys and he’s mad at her for supposedly being out with another man. But he forgives her and they have a screw session on his desk. Meanwhile the First Lady wakes up and sees Big Daddy isn’t in bed. She comes looking for him and sees there’s a guard posted on the door of the Oval Office who won’t let anyone, including her go through the door. She whiffs the smell of something rotten in the air and takes a seat outside the door to wait. She doesn’t have to wait long.

Seems Big Daddy’s ticker isn’t up to all that screwing on the desk and he goes down for the count in mid-rut. Out goes Anna screaming for help with her dress unzipped and it doesn’t take a genius to figure out what she and Big Daddy were doing. The White House puts out a fake story about Big Daddy having the flu and that’s why he was hospitalized. Meanwhile, Anna gets a little visit from the First Lady in the ritzy apartment Big Daddy was paying for.

I kept wondering if that was Heather Locklear playing the First Lady. It looked like her but at the same time it didn’t. I haven’t seen her for a while. Apparently, it was, and she can bring it as the betrayed classy wife just as much as she can do the gold digging trailer trash Sammy Jo from Dynasty. The tables were deliciously turned. I found the First Lady the only likable character in the Washington scene and that includes Anna, herself.

The First Lady doesn’t feel bad for poor wittle Anna when she says she tried to end it with Big Daddy only he wouldn’t let her. Or when she says he had her watched wherever she went. Consider it the price for paying your rent and putting you up in fancy digs. TFL tells her if she thought Big Daddy was bad Big Mommy will show her what a monster really is. She makes her take a Morning After Pill so she won’t have to put up with any fruit of Big Daddy’s loins bursting forth from Anna’s womb and makes her open her mouth to make sure she swallowed it. She also evicts Anna from the love nest and orders all the furniture cleaned out. She also intends to out Anna in the press as the President’s concubine. Little Anna wasn’t expecting that. She says it’s the TFL’s job to protect Big Daddy and TFL is like, “Did Hillary Clinton protect Monica Lewinsky and claim she was just shining Bill’s shoes when she was on her knees between Bill’s spread legs?”

So Anna goes to her “friends” and you’ll see why I’ve been putting them in quotation marks. Valerie, the chick that caused problems for her with posting the fake photo on the net wants nothing to do with her when she learns she was the President’s screw toy. Her other friend, Jax or Dax [wasn’t quite sure what it was] is a little nicer but he won’t put her up for a couples of weeks like she requests, asking what happened to her apartment. Anna isn’t much of a friend in return as she keeps lying to them about her apartment and rich family. Dax/Jax’s boyfriend, Victor, gives her money to get home and she leaves. She ends up going to the bar where she calls home; Happy, Alabama, but doesn’t call her family. Instead she rings up the boyfriend she’s been drop-kicking for the last three years, but doesn’t leave a message. She meets up with the guy her not-friend Valerie through her at and he lets her spend the night at his place without trying anything. However, her knight-in-shining-armor turns into a toad by dawn’s early light when the press has a new story about the President. He had a heart attack and the last person seen with him was his houseguest. He makes it clear he plans to use her to get himself a big story.

I’m not sure if I’m supposed to feel bad for Anna, but I really don’t. She’s getting what she deserves. You don’t screw another woman’s husband and think it’s going to come out well for you. Anna seems to be a cross between the Have and Have Not’s Candace and If Loving You Is Wrong Alex. And I can’t stand either of those characters, so I guess it’s no wonder I don’t feel bad for her life she got by screwing a married man exploding in her face.

The more interesting part of the show was the one taking place in Happy. I kept wondering if Bonnie was played by Kelly Sullivan [who I couldn’t stand on General Hospital and Young and Restless] but actually love in this. She’s probably the only likable female character on the entire show.

Brody, the guy Anna abandoned, shows up at Bonnie’s door to collect the rent. She can pay her own but now her mother’s. Brody is not pleased she’s back with JB. She offers to come sit with his father, since she knows how it is taking care of a sick parent. For her it’s her mother. He turns down the offer.

Bonnie isn’t happy when she learns that JB contacted Anna in DC and tells him not to do it, again. Got the feeling he asked her to send back money. She goes over to Brody’s with the money for her mother’s rent and helps him out with this father, who has dementia. She also makes Brody a nice meal that he appreciates. He appreciates it so much he lays a big hot kiss on her lips with plenty of tongue involved and declares he loves her. She pushes him away saying he didn’t notice her for dirt when Anna was around, cause he loved Anna. He says he hasn’t heard from Anna in years. She also reminds him she’s with JB [not for long] and leaves.

Bonnie’s night doesn’t get any better when she hears her drunk or high little sister, Shelby banging at the door of her mother’s trailer, only Mama has locked the door and won’t let her in. She’s sporting a black eye. Bonnie is raising Shelby’s teenage son for some reason. She says she can spend the night, but tells Shelby she’s not allowed to speak to her son.

When JB comes home Shelby starts coming on to him. She even goes so far as unzipping his fly and offering to give him some lip service. He turns her down. Later, she slithers in his truck, where she finds him and this time he doesn’t say no. Meanwhile, Bonnie is awakened by a call from her mother. As she head’s next door to her trailer she hears noises coming from JB’s truck. She peeks in the window and sees Shelby giving her boyfriend a good hard ride. Only Shelby isn’t servicing him for free. She wants drugs or money to buy drugs. When he won’t pony any payment up she locks him out of his truck and takes off with it. He’d better find her fast, or she’ll probably sell it for some drug money.

JB comes in the house where Bonnie is waiting for her. She excuses her sister’s behavior and puts all the blame on JB for taking advantage of a drug addict. Shelby’s son arrives on the scene and points a gun a JB and Bonnie has to defuse the situation as JB leaves after Bonnie dumps him.

I think we all know where this is going. The only likable male and female on this show, Bonnie and Brody [their names even start with the same letter] get together and in walks Anna whose ready to pick things up with the boyfriend she discarded.

Despite the title for this blog, I really did enjoy it. I’m just surprised this isn’t on OWN. It would make a great companion for the Have and Have Nots. Much better than If Loving You Is Wrong. Not sure what it’s doing on TLC, the home of the trash reality shows. It’s seems a little too classy a show for the network.


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