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Top Chef DC ep 5: You’ve Got Crabs

Updated on July 16, 2010

Crabby Quickfire

Angelo seems to be playing a creepy combination of big brother and sexual suitor to Tamesha.  He is attracted to her because he sees a lot of himself in her—what a narcissist.  He wants to extract her repressed passion and slurp it through a straw.  Icky pie!

Meanwhile, Ed and Tiffany are buddy-buddy, but I bet these people will sell each other out for a bus ticket by the end of the season.

Patrick O’Connell was the guest judge this week, and introduced a blue crab quickfire.   Padma took more than a little joy in telling the cheftestants, “You’ve got crabs.”  Good thing she doesn’t work at a health clinic with that bedside manner!

My TV-watching companion was severely disturbed by the chefs cooking the crabs while they were still alive.  Circle of life, sweetcheeks!

Tim grew up in Maryland so he picked crabs every Sunday.  He made beer steamed crab and didn’t understand the chefs who were “dressing it all up with Asian influence.”  Nice shot at Angelo and Ed!    

The annoying part to me was that no one really made anything that innovative.  It was a bunch of soups and salads.  That’s all top chefs can do with Maryland blue crab? 

Bottom:  Andrea, Amanda, Kevin (4 challenges in a row on the bottom)

When Padma tasted Amanda’s food, she said “Wow” and followed it with “pungent”—never a good sign.

Top:  Ed, Kenny, Angelo

Ed declared “I’m coming out of my shell” upon winning the crab quickfire.  What an idiot.

Down On The Farm Elimination Challenge

The chefs had to work as a team and prepare one family-style dinner for 40 people with at least six different dishes. They chose to stay with their partners from last week, which annoyed Tiffany and Ed because they wanted to work together.

While the group discussed the menu and strategy, Angelo and Kenny got into a ginormo pissing contest. I think Tiffany summed it up best when she let out a “Lord have mercy.” Interestingly, Kelly was on Team Kenny and said a couple of nice things about his leadership style. While Kenny was calmly advising the team on strategy, Angelo was getting worked up and sweating with rage (exaggeration? Maybe, but he’s like a cartoon in my head because he’s so ridiculous).

Even though Ed was stuck with that creeper, Alex, he and Tiffany still went off into their own world to discuss their dishes. There really weren’t any teams, and the menu was kind of all over the place.

All of their planning didn’t mean squat anyway because they had no idea what was going to be available until they arrived at the farm. It turned out that they were cooking outside on lava rocks with a helpful (and revenue-earning) Toyota mobile pantry. The limited ingredients forced them to work as a big team, and inspired a few more squabbles. Tim and Kelly had a small tiff because he was using all the vegetables she wanted. Cry me a river.

Angelo described what he did as “I basically made love to that duck, to be honest with chu” because everything he does is sexy (according to Angelo).

Tamesha dropped all of Kevin’s cauliflower on the ground, and Angelo wanted to scoop it up and serve it, grass and all! Kevin had to start over completely with broccoli.

Kelly took a risk and made an extra dish for dessert even though she knew that could send her home.

It really disturbed my companion that the chefs didn’t come up with a theme, and the foods didn’t really go together. To me, it didn’t look like they made enough. I know everyone wasn’t supposed to get a hefty serving of every dish, but it seemed like there wasn’t enough for everyone to even get a forkful of everything.

Back At The House

During the 30-second segment, Kenny came out rockin’ out in a chinchilla robe at the Top Chef house.  He got plenty of love from the ladies, especially Tiffany who said, “he’s smooth, he’s a beast!”  Damn right!

Judges’ Table

Top:  Kevin, Kenny, Andrea, Kelly

Nice red shoes, Andrea.  They loved Kevin’s couscous and he revealed the earlier drama.  Patrick O’Connell thought it was fortuitous that his original batch ended up in the grass.  Kelly actually gave Andrea credit for coming up with the idea of doing a dessert if there was extra time, which was shocking.  Kelly usually does not play well with others, but she had a couple of normal-person moments this episode.  Meh, I still don’t like her.

Ultimately, Kenny won the challenge.  Whoot whoot!

Bottom:  Tim, Amanda, Stephen

My thought was, “Please, anybody but Tim go home.”  The judges thought Tim’s dish was bland.  Patrick thought Stephen’s mistake was serving his salad in a bowl and drenching it with dressing.  Padma called it “over thought and overdressed.”  The funniest critique was of Amanda’s minestrone because it wasn’t actually minestrone.  There was no pasta in it, and she did not cut the vegetables correctly.  Padma said “it felt amateurish” and Patrick commented that his grandmother could have made better.

Unfortunately, Tim got sent home.  That’s two weeks in a row that my personality favorites have packed their knives.  Tim went out with class, saying he wants to grow old with the other contestants and be besties forever.  Awww.    His parting words were, “Salt and Pepper, Peace!”

Quotes of the Week

“I think Angelo is trying to imitate Tony Robbins as well as possible”-Kelly

“Well, I had crabs so it brought back bad memories”-Angelo

“I’m just a beast in the kitchen”-Kenny

“Give the Maryland crab the microphone and let it sing”-Timothy

“Progresso eat your heart out”-Amanda

“I get to live another day, get to cook another day.  I feel good”-Tim


Timothy—Salt and Pepper, buddy!







Eliminated Chefs








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    • Megavitamin profile imageAUTHOR


      8 years ago

      All those girls are craptastic.

      Nothing gets lost on me, sister. Check the quotes of the week.

      Nice one, Betsy!

    • profile image


      8 years ago

      I hate Amanda, not Andrea (I get confused).

      Did you hear Angelo's inappropriate comment about having crabs, which was simultaneously unfunny and creepy?

      My mother just made funniest comment, "they made them cook in a open field and then criticize them about the food being too rustic."


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