Top Chef DC ep 6: Cheftestants Judging Cheftestants
Nasty Proteins Quickfire
Michelle Bernstein was the guest judge, which set Andrea into a tizzy because they are rivals in Miami. Andrea doesn’t think Michelle’s food is necessarily better than hers so she’s not that comfortable Michelle having the upper hand. In other words, she was ready to tear that girl’s eyes out.
The chefs had to choose from a table of “nasty” proteins for the quickfire challenge. Angelo, the genius that he is, unknowingly chose duck white kidney beans—AKA duck testicles. His idea was to make them into marshmallows. Icky blicky!
Halfway through, Padma came in the kitchen to call musical chairs and forced the chefs to take over their neighbor’s protein. Unfortunately, Kevin felt really good about his original protein, but was forced to trade it in for the duck testis. He poached them—so I get to live another day without knowing what duck testicle marshmallows look like.
Andrea was mentally jacking herself up by focusing on Michelle’s presence instead of on her food. That worked as a great excuse when her boar turned out boar-ing. Man, I’m hilarious.
Bottom: Stephen’s frog legs which Michelle called “incipit”, Alex, and Andrea who undercooked her boar because she couldn’t get her mind right.
Top: Kelly’s emu egg, Tamesha’s duck tongue soup, Amanda’s llama
Winner: Kelly--she took over the emu egg from Amanda, who spent the first ten minutes trying to get the stupid thing open.
Cold War Elimination Challenge
This week’s theme for the elimination challenge was the Cold War, and each chef had to serve a cold dish. They were broken into two teams, and one team served their food while the other judged. The cheftestants on the judging team chose one bottom person and one to compete for the win. (I thought this was utterly ridiculous, and the real judges should have gotten to choose one top and one bottom as well).
For no apparent reason, other than to reinforce the Cold War theme, the cheftestants were taken for a ride on the USS Sequoia to plan their menus. This seemed to bring out the paranoia in many of the chefs, especially Kenny. He talked about everyone on the show is out to get him and he was in the middle of his own personal Cold War. Bring it down a few notches, buddy!
Meanwhile, Kevin was keeping an eye on Angelo who was giving out free advice to anyone who would listen to him. Sneaky saboteur? Later, he was seasoning other people’s food and nobody stopped him. Shady business.
Angelo made cold salmon because it’s sexy. Can he please stop saying that about his food? It’s really creepy. It makes me wonder what REALLY goes on in his kitchen.
Once they started cooking, Andrea continued to dwell on Michelle. Obsessed much? Meanwhile, Amanda was running around the kitchen like a lunatic inspiring Tamesha to calmly threaten, “I could probably strangle her in a heartbeat” with a blank expression on her face. That was equally hilarious and terrifying.
Alex tasted Amanda’s chicken and tasted some cartilage but didn’t tell her. Because he’s a prick--and a psycho. That’s what she gets for asking him anyway.
The first team to play judges: Angelo, Tamesha, Tiffany, Andrea, Stephen
They thought Kenny’s lamb was a little chewy, and Angelo called it “slimy.” Andrea attacked Alex’s beet like it was going out of style. Who knew such a friendly vegetable could conjure up such negative feelings?
Amanda got a double punch when Angelo said he could taste the meat coagulating in his mouth and Andrea got some of the aforementioned cartilage. Those are two of the most disgusting critiques ever.
Stephen said Kevin’s dish was “one note,” while everyone bitched about lack of acid, but the real judges thought they were nuts--especially Tom who tasted acidity just fine. Meanwhile, Ed’s dish had too much lemon. Citrus was not having a good night.
They all went after Kenny’s dish for personal reasons. Amanda’s was obviously the worst.
Judges: Amanda, Kevin, Kenny, Alex, Ed
Everyone said great things about Tiffany’s Ahi tuna while Angelo’s sexy salmon got mixed reviews. Kevin really liked it, but some of the others found it to be too spicy and overwhelming.
Andrea’s tartare needed more seasoning (so does her personality). Stephen’s beef failed to blow Kenny’s socks off, and the dish led Ed to ask the ever-imperative question, “Where’s the Beef?” Tamesha scallop was “too spicy” for Amanda and Kevin thought it had “funky flavor.” Alliterative and yet unappealing.
Worst: Tamesha’s scallop that Amanda called “kind of a train wreck.”
Top Chef Official Site
Andrea and Ed were chatting in the kitchen when she called Angelo, “The one who tries to possess people’s minds.” A touch dramatic, I’d say. Ed reveals that he and Angelo used to date the same girl (who apparently has awful taste). That’s the creepiest thing ever.
Everyone ‘fessed up to their feelings on other people’s dishes in the back room. Andrea told Amanda about the cartilage in her dish, and Amanda started crying. Lucky for her, Kenny was the real target and Angelo informed him that his dish was their least favorite because of they didn’t understand his “vision.” If that isn’t a load of horse crap, then I obviously never paid attention to Mr. Ed.
Top: Tiffany, Kevin
The real judges agreed with these choices. Tiffany’s was the “most refreshing and everyone wanted to keep eating it” according to Michelle. However, that wasn’t enough, and Kevin took home the prize.
Bottom: Tamesha, Kenny
Tamesha was surprised to be in the bottom and thought for sure that her “ass was not going home.” Kenny thought his dish was sound, but Tom didn’t see the connection between the two parts. Padma fished for some drama by asking why he thought he was voted to the bottom. Of course, he sees himself as a threat, but Michelle shot this down as an “outsider” and said his food simply wasn’t good.
“The Cold War finally ended, unfortunately for one of you, your time on Top Chef is gonna end”-Tom
Yep, he actually said that. These last lines are becoming my favorite part of the show.
Quotes of the Week
“I’ve never ate any of these foods”-Tiffany
“I just poked one of the testicles and it’s soft”-Angelo
“Everybody’s not trustworthy people. Point blank.”-Tiffany
“You’re almost like putting another tongue on top of your tongue”-Michelle
Tiffany (I’m afraid to name new favorites because they all go home)