Tough Love ep 5
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Since when were Jessa and Arian besties? Did I blink while they were becoming blood sisters and braiding each other's hair? I guess I should pay more attention! I wonder how much time elapsed between Arian wiggin out and Steve carrying on with group therapy. What's the etiquette for those situations? Do they build freak-out time into the shooting schedule like snow days in a school year?
Why was Stasha so afraid to admit that she was in love with someone? I'm with Taylor, it would not have been shocking if she revealed that she had a peen under her skirt. The girls (especially Jessa) were a little too overjoyed for the video of Lox. Does this mean they can all stop sleeping with one eye open since the ninja is leaving the house? Lox strikes Steve as a romantic kind of guy, which is understandable with his man bangs and lip stud. Why did all the girls start crying for her? She never talked to any of them beyond her subtle reminders that she is not from their country. They should give out some Emmys for their ability to drum up such crocodile tears. Jessa started running towards Lox like she was going to jump on him. Someone please make out with that girl before her head explodes! Stasha was worried because Lox is shorter than the guys she usually dates. Seriously, everyone was expecting a guy like this:
She didn't really want one of those guys anyway. You know what the ‘roids do to a man's package! At least she found someone she likes, and that's all that really matters. Right, kids? See ya, Stasha! Just hopefully not in a dark alley...
For a second, I thought Steve's mom, JoAnn, was Arian's mom. Arian is so much prettier with less whore paint on her face, but she always dresses like she's on her way to a Maxim shoot. I get her boobs are so ginormous that it's difficult to avoid cleavage, but that doesn't mean she has to rock a midriff like it's 1994.
Say what you want about Shane, but he's a smart guy. He knows that Jody came home from her terrible date and bitched about him to the other girls. That means, he not only has to make up with Jody, but also with her friends. Cupcakes never hurt...unless they're diabetics. Jody sure is putting him through the ringer to make sure he likes her. When do they get to the easy blissful part of the relationship? It's only been 2 weeks--that's supposed to be the fun easy time. They're doing their relationship backwards, Benjamin Button style!
I liked the part in the episode when they got to judge the three dudes in the blue t-shirts. However, they all kinda looked alike and I got really confused. Did the guy who owned 3 houses live with his mom? The law student has Chlamydia? At least he has access to student health services. Abiola "understands" the guy with 5 cats because she has one. Huh? Does that mean that she understands how bad his house probably smells?
I'd like to give a point to Arian for her insightful comment about the impotent man, "That's like the light bright without the batteries." Well played, A-Bomb!
Are the guys at the mansion party all Chlamydia free? You never know when Steve is testing you from his secret chamber in the attic. Sometimes, I picture him up there watching the girls on the monitors stroking his beard and wearing a monocle. I'm losing my mind.
Taylor's boy was cute, but man did he have some serious ears!
Side note: Arian does not represent all girls from the East Coast. Maybe she represents certain girls from all coasts--on spring break. In the back of the Girls Gone Wild van, that is.
Taylor didn't run, she sprinted right into the gold-digger trap. It's weird because her boy, Ears, was a pro athlete and not poor. So what gives?
However, Taylor delivered the devilishly humorous line "They were a couple of steps away from asking for a condominium" in reference to her good pal, Arian trying to seduce the guy on the pool table. Arian was showing her butt, literally and figuratively again.
Arian acts like she hears the advice, but then falls right back into the same tired whore routine. She was chewing that poor guy's face in the middle of the living room. Is this a middle school dance or something?
Taylor didn't get invited to Vegas-she invited herself. Big difference. She should work on the smoothness of her game if she's trying to snag a sugar daddy.
Oh Abiola, didn't your mama ever say, you can't hurry love? She doesn't even care who the target is, she just wants to be in love. It doesn't work that way, sweetie! Besides, rejection is good for the complexion. If it wasn't it probably wouldn't rhyme, right?
There wasn't a clear winner this week, so I guess Jody gets it by default. Steve uses words like trepidatious. Impressive. That's how into the Jody storyline I am-vocabulary is distracting me.
Abiola made another list: 10 Reasons I Got Rejected. Is she David Letterman? At least she attempted to put the blame on herself, just to spice things up. I wonder how long Steve has been waiting to say, "He's just not that into you."
How embarrassing is it to see your own butt on TV? I hope I never find out. At least she was wearing cute underwear...if that's a consolation. It was even more embarrassing to see the guy you're locking lips with looking around the room uncomfortably, planning his escape.
Brock wants to find out if Jacklyn is "athletic" and if she can get "dirty." Maybe this straight-laced dude has an inner pervert ready to come out and play.
Natasha hadn't made a connection with any guys or the show's audience because she's too quiet. All of the TV-worthy attributes have been taken: excessive crying, random irrational breakdowns, being whoretastic. What's the poor girl gotta do to get some camera time?
Someone write this day down in the history books. Taylor actually looked good during group therapy! Her hair didn't look like she had escaped from a farm or an asylum and her dress was cute. That's a first. Her boy, Ears, didn't mention that Taylor walked away from him to flirt with Mark. I could have believed that one of the girls was attracted to Mark for being a silver fox, but Taylor is too shady!
Jacklyn was going to wear a sundress camping--such a sorority girl. She used her tactics to get him to say that he sees her in his future. Wouldn't it mean more if it came out unprompted? What kind of camping is that with a fake cabin and a queen-sized bed? Sign me up!
Natasha's date, Jan Michael, is hot. It was kind of like The Hills the way they just stared at each other most of the date. She was so cute when she danced in the door and wanted to gush to the other girls like a teenager. She will still probably only get 30 seconds per show. What a shame.
Arian's match, Scott, is a big hairy gorilla, but he's nice according to Taylor. She's so deep. Arian answered the door in her bikini with her boob falling out. Style and grace, what more could you ask for? Thirty seconds in, she's topless. Gorilla Scott hit the lotto! Arian was like a 17-year-old boy applying prom-night-level sex pressure on the poor dude. I'm proud of his ability to stand his ground. We'll see how long that lasts.