Trailer Review - F9 or Should It Be Called "Fine of the Furious"?

In a series of films where they are always trying to out do the last one, they have completely entered the realm of cartoons.

Welcome to the world of deadly car ninjas. A special place where Dom and Letty (Vin Diesel and Michelle Rodriguez) are farmers with small children for the first 30 seconds of the Ad. Weird, heavily armed farmers. Oh, I'm sure there might be a few farmers who are armed from time to time. But I thought the whole idea of hiding out (witness protection style) was to not draw attention to yourself by carrying a bunch of guns and dressing like the world's most obvious car thieves.

But, I digress. Dom, Letty, and brood are hiding out on the farm. Oh, and then it's time for some foreshadowing. You know, because kids love that stuff.

So Dom & Letty run off to the Batcave to meet up with the rest of (what do you call them: the Avengers, the Justice League) the gang. And now for more foreshadowing: Dom's got a secret. Didn't they do this in the last one? Something where he had to "kill" all of them. Maybe the gang should pick a new leader.

Oh, and by the way. Isn't Jordana Brewster supposed to be in super secret hiding (and not coming to gang meetings) so her and Paul Walker (R.I.P.) can avoid all dangerous stuff? Makes you wonder. Back to the plot.

This time they are going to tell the trailer viewers the secret. John Cena is Dom's long lost evil brother. A secret that Letty knows (but strangely not any one else, like maybe his sister). Apparently, the brothers have some sort of rivalry that Charlize Theron is going to take advantage of to get rid of Dom. And this of course lead to many scenes where two grown men point guns at each other without shooting and have tense conversations about the plot.

So then it leaps into action. Literally. People are jumping over things, other people, up walls, and out windows. Heck of a lot running and jumping for a car chase movie.

But that's okay because it is going to grind to a halt so the non-Vin Diesel characters can supply comic relief in the form of being freaked out by the presence of some sort of machine (a tank, a submarine, or in this case: a car with a rocket attached). And if that was not enough freaked out incredulity for you, Tyrese or Ludacris will supply more later ("They have a magnet plane!?!") I seem to remember characters like these in movies made in the fifties. Of course they stopped making those because they were racist stereotypes.

And then we are in luck. We get Dame Helen Mirren to explain the conflict to us. Strangely enough, it doesn't sound anymore sophisticated or Shakespearian when one of the greatest actors of our time presents it to us.

Then we get more driving, explosions, and the occasional human body being knocked through the air by an impact with a car. In a lesser movie, this would kill a person. But in the furious universe, the bad guys don't die and the good guys who do, come back to life two movies later. So when Cena drives off a cliff, he doesn't need that stealth bomber with a magnet to save him. And it is only vaguely exciting when Dom follows him off the cliff with the idea of using the bridge suspension cable to swing his car to who knows where.

Now I am not going to argue about the sheer ridiculousness of the idea of trapping a cable in a wheel well and swinging horizontally off a mountain. I am just going to point out that a similar maneuver was used in In The Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale. To which begs the questions: Did Jason Statham suggest this after starring in the previous film? Are there a lot of people who think this might work? Are the film makers accepting that Uwe Boll is a misunderstood genius? Please let me know.

After the bridge crossing excitement, what more could they do? Oh, that's right. Han isn't dead any more. I am not sure if they are being inconsistent or consistent at this point. I mean he was dead. But so was Letty. But like I said: the Furious universe is a cartoon.

In theatres May 22nd.